I posted by story in emotional and in recovery, any advise or insight would be helpful.

A few months back, I found out that my husband had been cheating on me. When I found out he completly denied the affair. He kept asking how do I know. I finally revealed that He had given me an std. I was so mad. He finally told me that he had an affair. He said that he had been trying to break it off but couldnt before because she hadnt don't anything to him. He said he told her that he would never leave his family (like that somehow made me feel better). He told me that he never loved her that the only reason why he meseed with was because he thought that I was having an affair. Which was [censored] because I have never cheated on my husband. He went on to say that he thought that I gave him the std not the girl he was sleeping around on me with. I am a christain women but my flesh was too much and I cursed him out. I was so hurt so betrayed. Later he kept telling me how sorry he was how he loved me and how he didnt want to lose me. He said he would do whatever it was that I wanted him to do. That he didnt want anyone else. He said it would never happen again. He said he was sorry for what he had done to the kids. I told him that I believe in forgiveness but I wouldnt make any promises. I told him he was the one who cheated it was up to him to prove that he wanted to be here not me. I also told him that nobody is forcing him to be here if he wants to leave then go. But if you are here you better act like you wanted or theres the door. I told him want I wanted from a man and if he couldnt do it then find he doesnt have to " hit the road Jack" Part of my demands was that he call the girl and end it. He asked me what I wanted him to say. I said say whatever you think you should. He didnt want to tell me who she was or what she did. This made me so mad. I felt like he was protecting her. He said he wasnt and evenally told me her name but that was it. I found out the rest on my own. I dont know why I had to know, what would it have changed. Who cared. I still wonder if he has contacted her or not. Although he swears he hasnt that he doesnt want anyone else but me I find it hard to trust him. I still wonder about the affair and what went on within it. I am trying to move forward but I still have one foot in the past. He is doing everything that I ask of him. Attending church, helping me out and etc. but I feel like hes checked out emotionally. Throughtout all this drama Ive had two cancer scares. One turned out to be pre cancer the other I have to meet with the surgeon about this month. Refuses to talk to me about it. He wont comfort me. If I bring it up he gets mad. When I told him about my appointment he told me that he wasnt taking off work. I was pissed, nobody asked him too take off of work. He didnt say anything about me. I told him up front that I dont feel like hes there for me that he has completely shut down. He has no compassion for what I am going through. I just want to scream. Its like if he suddenly starts to care then he cant hate me. He cant blame me anymore. Another part of me says that maybe he cant handle it. Who knows. How do I communicate my feelings to my husband? I feel like I am getting nowhere fast

(((big hugs)))

I'm a newbie here myself, with a different set of circumstances than you. I'm concerned for you when you say in your post that "He has no compassion for what I'm going through". I hate to ask, but has he truly ended his relationship with the OW? Being indifferent toward you, especially when you've dealt with 2 cancer scares in all this, and that you have children, indicates he truly has checked out emotionally. I think that you're accurate in that perception. As far as why he's checked out, I can't say. Will he go to counseling with you?

Please take care of yourself at this time. If that includes getting counseling just for you, do it. It will help you release the emotions you feel you have to keep "inside" while letting you ask yourself what you want to do regarding your marriage. My prayers are with you.

Jewel

I guess when you love somebody u want to believe that they want to change want to be better. I have begun posting on just found out because yesterday I found out that he was still talking to her thanks so much for the advise.

ryan, please post your situation on the General Questions II forum. It gets a lot more traffic and you'll get a lot more help and responses.

God bless.