I feel the need to vent, and it's a second vent on this subject of gossip. What is gossip and is it intended to be MEAN? Why do people get a thrill out of talking about someone else's problems? Why do they have to make something worse that already is bad enough, especially if they are your so called friend.

I did get to the bottom of "this." A customer of mine asked me about a month ago, so I heard this about your husband, I had no idea things were so bad for you, how did "that" work out. It was disheartening since I had only EVER discussed with possibly two people that could have been related to this particular customer in a small town I used to live in. So the other day - since I've been stewing about this so long - I emailed both people. One a former friend from that town and the other an employee. The former friend "claims" in an email that she "wouldn't do this" and avoids that customer as he's a gossipy jerk anyways (which I agree with). The employee that I hired four years ago emailed back that yes she did "chat between friends" with another person that worked for me and went to that town once in a while to help me with dropoffs. This other person of course I had hired because of her recommendation, and fired because of poor work even before I "heard" this from a customer.

Interestingly when I hired this person it was in such a small office with the two of us, she was complaining of her new marriage, I offered a "very small and non detailed" amount of info on marriage, how hard it is and that what she was dealing with is likely typical in a first year of marriage. Anyways we were pregnant together, worked in a small office that I shut down to work at home with my boy. She continued to work for me online. I kept the online relationship as professional as I could, I didn't even email her when I moved back to the town she was in, I didn't want to talk about my personal life, my dad was dying of cancer, I was tired, my ex had been a real jerk, I just needed space from anyone I personally knew.

Ironically though about six months ago I emailed her late one night as I was having trouble between my boy and ex that I haven't divorced yet. My boy had bruises and of course I was concerned. It turned into a nightmare that a babysitter got involved and I was having trouble working. I confided in her, emailed her to certainly tell no one. Even said to her about finally reporting my husband after he hurt me and how it's haunting me with my boy. Before I'd told her none of that. Of course she went on to tell her so called friend some of the details - and likely they expanded upon what little I said? Or what?

She emailed back that they had only chatted as friends and that she didn't mean to hurt me. I fired back an email the other day about how the damage is done and in small towns gossip spreads which is why I would never, ever talk to anyone in business about my personal life period. I do business in many towns but this town in particular I used to live in for years so the gossip would be more "interesting" to them, and some knew my husband as he drove there a few times to drop stuff off for me, and met a few customers.

Of course I'm thinking the absolute worst, and I've been in tears over this over and over again since her email. She at least says she never talked about my boy, but I doubt that too as the customer before I shut him down was talking about how "bad" it was. I can't even imagine the friend of hers that I hired, could go to strangers, customers of mine, and if they asked about me, talk about such incredibly personal stuff. But the woman was a jerk, she'd lied to be about her work and I'd already fired her because of her lack of ethics and lying.

Of course the lesson is to never relate personally to employees but this was under very unusual circumstances as we were pregnant together in a two person office. It was only within the past months that I vented in a few emails details about the pushing/shoving in my life. And partly because she was a former teacher and I didn't understand mandatory reporting and the nightmare (it all turned out ok and there was nothing in the end, but it was a time of sleepless nights and stress about my ex all over again).

She did say she was sorry, that she doesn't even talk to this so called friend, apparently they had a falling out. But I can picture the whole thing, them working for me, getting paid well, but backlashing and laughing at me. I don't even know why it matters other then I've been picturing the absolute worst scenerio - this stupid girl spelling out intimate details that I would want no one to know - to many customers, not just the one idiot gossipy customer. My life is hard enough without having to "listen" to gossip about myself. AS someone on this site said, if people know little they fill in the gaps and make it worse - I have no clue what this customer was referring to as I shut him down, as always I refuse to discuss my personal life in business although I'll talk about my boy here and there. If they ask about my marriage I change the subject and most likely have no clue of problems - why would they? Until the jerk from ****** employees decided to "gossip." Why on earth would employees be out to hurt the person writing the checks. The one that works for me gets paid triple what someone in my office would get, it's stupid that she "shared" with anyone about me at all, let alone with her friend that she already knew was out of control. Ironically they are both super religious, of course it goes back to hippocracy, I know this employee has problems at home and she said the other girl separated from her own husband twice. So they aren't perfect, why are they casting stones at me or talking about me?

I've been deathfully sick and for some reason this is what I've obsessed about at night when I couldn't sleep. Night after night. I emailed an "I forgive you" to the employee but I also threw the Bible at her. Gossip is evil, it's mean and it's hurtful. I also took the blame for ever having talked about my husband with anyone besides marriage counselors and perhaps immediate family. There's a rule of not personally talking with employees and I broke it, having no idea that she'd share like this. But Biblically I wasn't supposed to bad mouth my husband. However what has this world come to if we can't confide in "good friends" and actually I considered her one, although now NO. Why is it that the most religious people seem to be the worst? The ones that go to church on Sunday, every Sunday? Oh she says the conversations with her "friend" about me were never meant to be malicious and she told her friend to never talk about me - and although I say I forgive I'm not sure I really do. Gossip is evil, mean...

Here I was being "loyal" to this employee, letting her work at home, overpaying her when I could hire office help for 1/3. Lately I've been thinking of hiring better more trained help but my own loyalty held me back. At least I have no reason to be loyal to her or anyone I hire, especially after being backlashed like this. One thing I can't figure out though is "how much" people talk. I can't be that big of news, especially if I won't explain anything to this customer or anyone else how can they "talk" about me or even confirm what she said. Would this jerk even believe her? From the tone of his voice it didn't make sense and if I'd confirmed it then certainly it would have made for better gossip then my saying "my husband and I are fine. period" My mom says it's likely not as bad as I think, there's so much divorce today this isn't really "news" is it? But yes I suppose if you add in violence and child stuff - to a customer who would have seen me as having my act together it would be "interesting" enough to spread around. At the very least it doesn't make me look "stable" in the business world and anyone that heard of this from "her" would "wonder" about me I'm sure.

How do I let go of this once and for all. Damage control? Just not talk to anyone about it period. Go back to any customers I lost in the year period this woman worked for me - go in person, see if they say anything, and I don't know... I hate gossip. We've all been guilty of it I'm sure, but from now on I'm going to do what I was trying to do, talk to no one about my personal life, make few friends, not share, not care, and half give up on human nature. Human nature these days seems to really suck. I wish I had real friends I could confide in. Oh there's my mom, and an old friend, but that's it. Guess I need another shrink I have to pay to be my friend. I"ll never ever chat ever again to anyone. I don't even know about making more friends. SAd.

Hey Horsey,

Sorry to hear about the grief this is giving you <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I can feel your frustration and hurt over the betrayal in your words, particular near the end. Unfortunately, it sounds like a state that I am in about dating.

Why would I urge anything differently, my answer has been pretty much the same, that I'm too trusting and too likely to repeat and so I have just been closing up and avoiding. As badly as I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life, I've deliberately avoided and sabatoged the few hints at relationships that presented themselves in the recent months.

But I know that isn't the answer. I know everyone out there isn't like my ex wives. And I know that people you meet and talk to aren't all gossipers and won't betray you the way your employee did. That doesn't mean you should let down your guard.

And I believe that what you are feeling isn't your true thoughts and beliefs but an incredible frustration over what you are going through.

Perhaps a balance between the two opposite positions is in order. In the one corner you close up entirely. On the opposite end you are ultimately trusting and need the support of a plethora of friends. But understand those aren't the only two options. You can have a friend who is supportive and understanding and there for you without needing to know the intimate details of the problems. And you would be amazed how much support you can find without the need to go into detail on the situations.

My friendship with my "dear friend" from work is much the model of what I'm describing. We have been very close friends for some time. Understand that is nothing romantic between us whatsoever. Most people at work think we are an item because we function together so well. But there's just no spark. And it doesn't even seem odd to us that we talk about traveling and sharing a hotel room and yet have never held hands or kissed (and haven't the slightest interest in doing that).

But with all of my hurt, etc. I find trusting difficult. I'm very guarded in how much detail I give out in person. I talk here because it's anonymous to some degree and that's my place to vent when I need to throw out some details to "get them off my chest." But my dear friend has always been there to listen when I wanted to talk. She only asks questoins for more info if I'm asking for advice and I've not given her enough to truly understand the situation I'm seeking advice on.

As I make new friends ,when I find someone who pries for details, I quickly close up and that person is usually excluded from the circle of close friends that I keep.

My point only is that you should not give up on all humanity. There are good and decent and truthful and loyal and honest and ethical people out there. I don't know you, but if you are describing yourself accurately, then you are proof of that.

And know that I feel in some ways like I can relate, at least on certain levels because we have so many similarities. In my business when I had employees, I was extremely loyal and provided above average pay and benefits even when they were part time. I could easily have gotten "cheaper" and in some ways perhaps better work itself but I was hiring the people and their commitment to me. I have had the fortune of not making a mistake in those descisions YET and so I haven't experienced that level of betrayal in an employee but I have elsewhere in life. No doubt though that it will happen sooner or later. But that wouldn't stop me from being honest and ethical and loyal to them.

It's sort of like my marriages. My picker is broken and that's what I'm trying to fix. Perhaps your "friend picker" needs a tad refining???

Just my thoughts. Hope I haven't been too forward but that's my opinions on what you said.

Other than this, how are things? How's business? How about your little one? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I've been sick as a dog for 1-1/2 weeks, I'm finally walking and breathing again. Of all things I've been sick on a two week vacation at a resort. And this deal with my employee has just been some obsession of mine while sick. It is what you call, betrayal, and it's rude and cold. She was so religious that I actually trusted her more then others, but I found long ago that someone going to church and 'talking' doesn't mean they are 'walking the walk.' Of course she emailed back defending her so called 'friend' that I hired that I'm absolutely sure shot her mouth off to my customers. I can't think of anyone else related to my business that had any knowledge of my personal life. That my employee even admitted 'sharing' with her 'friend' who was on business representing 'me' irks me to begin with, any 'very minor' conversations I had with her I was sure to say 'please respect my privacy'... it was only in emails this winter when I was working late, emailing her and was so frazzled about my boy/ex that I couldln't work well that I confided in her a few more details. That's what she must have 'chatted' with her friend 'innocently' she says, and then saying since the girl doesn't work for me it doesn't matter. Obviously she has no clue of business or consequences, the damage is done. In small town if one person knows 'dirt' and especially if it's 'good stuff' then at least 10 and likely 20 or more people are to have by now heard 'this garbage.'

Actually I think I'm going to fire her. I was paying her way too much, over her skills, she hasn't updated her skills and there are many, many on the internet who will do her job at less and if I set up an office again, I'll get double or triple the hours out of someone I can hand train. As my mom says it's PRIDE that gets us in trouble, these two young women and their gossip and pride... of course they are oh so religious and "above" me. I can just imagine the conversations between them, how they filled in the holes, shared with at least one customer and that I 'fell' made them feel good about their own lives. And the truth is I already know about both of them, a very little about their own marriage problems - and it's fairly hard to point the finger at someone when your own life is problematic, the one girl who likely talked to my customer has been separated from her husband twice, can't keep a job, has money problem, is a liar, cheater and has no character. I should have never hired her to begin with. The other girl was 'partly niave' but it doesn't excuse anyone from betraying one's confidence. I did actually email her that it's amazing, I trust so few people, even less so after what I've been through, and like you if anyone asks too many questions I immediately exclude them from becoming a possible friend. She made this lack of trust - at at time in my life when I trusted no one even worse. I'd like a true apology rather then a few emails defending her so called 'friend.' I haven't gotten it, and I won't and likely I'll slowly exclude her from working with me and my life.

The biggest lesson isn't just personal, it's business. To follow my 'gut' because I have a very good one (I'd have never ever hired this girl without my friend repeatedly despite my doubts expected it to work out, I didn't like her, trust her and she represented me). Whenever I have had doubts like this, usually I've been right in the past. When I met my ex I had doubts, my best friend said I wasn't giving him a chance, I continued to date him despite my gut feelings and that too turned into a disaster. As for friends I just don't make them anymore. I can't picture myself dating again and since my divorce isn't final it doesn't matter, perhaps being separated is some sick security to me, I feel that without being divorced I shouldn't date and thus I don't even have to think about opening up to anyone again. Perhaps there will be a day when I do, in the long, far off future but life with my boy is fine with me.

In the future there will be no 'friends' through business. Period. Even with customers I will continue to discuss little if anything personally. As for employees likely I'll keep hiring strangers working on the internet out of their homes. It's easy, costs me more but prevents any of this from happening. Others that I need to help with odd jobs will be on a strickly professional basis only. No chatting. Only business. And instead of my three strikes you are out rule there will be one, and maybe two but that's it. I'm not going to keep any stress in my life, especially not when I'm paying people good money. I think I got so sick this week over the stress of this employee and her friend, even the employee has been slacking off, doing poor work, causing more work for me, and there's no reason for it other then she was my 'friend' and knew she could get by with it. Already I've found other backups online for this next month when I need help with a project again.

I do have a friend that's very supportive, actually he's a male, something like what you are describing. I talk a little about my ex. He listens and cares. My mom is like that too, although she spread my life around the church in my homestate which I don't entirely appreciate either. An old friend is somewhat supportive but judgmental, and knows it all. I just haven't developed any "casual" friends lately. I realize you can choose to let people into your life as much as you want, you can make friends without intimate details of the past, I just don't even want to do that these days. I don't know if I feel ashamed of my past or what, the Biblical thing to do is forgive myself and others, as Paul in the bible, we can't move on if we can't put the past behind us. However this 10 years with my ex has been ******, of course it affects a person, of course there's less trust, it's all easier said then done isn't it? I know I need to spend time daily with my spiritual life and go to church more again, when I was really getting help from God I wasn't so anxiety ridden. He has a plan for all of us, we aren't to worry and get sick like this.

Thanks for your thoughts.

Hehehe, I was writing a long point by point response but to be honest, I don't think you need me to pick apart and agree/disagree/disect your thoughts on this <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

That's perhaps one of my own weaknesses that sometimes I am too quick to offer advice/opinions when someone is just in need of a shoulder.

Anyway, in brief, I think there is some wisdom to keeping personal and business separate. I would encourage you to follow your personal convictions about dating, etc.

I'm certain you'll weather this storm and emerge stronger than before. Just be careful not to shut and lock too many doors. You never know how great a friend the next stranger you bump into may turn out to be (I need to follow this advice myself).

Actually you are always quite helpful. I think in circles as you can see, I'm in a creative industry...

Have you managed to keep business and personal separate? When you were running small companies? When they are this small it's almost impossibe. But this winter I really did slip and give too many details, I knew it but didn't worry as I trusted this person. I had no idea what I was saying was being repeated, it's just disheartening as I'm an extremely private person. Worse she doesn't even realize why it would be so upsetting, having my private life questioned in detail by a customer I've had over 10 years - knowing I never once talked about my life in business, ever. It is a sort of betrayal but I'm sick with something going on for now two weeks so I'm sure my mind isn't functioning at its best.

This is a minor storm, I don't think much damage was done, it was one town, a few customers and I have customers all over. Life will go on, of course those people will never look at me the same, and if my name comes up this will likely be repeated to others... it's yet another lesson for me, I've been burnt before. I think it's more of a female thing, i think perhaps men in an office could become friends better then women without the gossip and backstabbing, don't you? I've had male employees and nothing that's happened with the "girls" has happened with one guy I've hired. Heck I even had a gay employee and we became friends and got work done. It's women that have a hard time in a small office setting. So actually I think I'm going to just mostly online help, no chatting, no talking, just business. That's worked best for me as obviously I can't handle myself professional without getting involved in employees lives.

You are right, the next stranger could be a very good friend. I haven't even been open anymore to new friends. I think I've just been maxed out emotionally with separation/divorce issues, and more. But life is about friendships, you can't do it alone, and I'm certainly not a good role model for my boy being such a loner. He's going to need me to be more social. At least I need to get back to church, and make some church friends. However I am going to keep all friendships quite superficial for a time before I trust again.

Wow, that's a tough question for me (keeping personal/business stuff distinct). I would say that from a client/business standpoint I have been strictly business. From an employee standpoint as a small business it is difficult to keep it purely busy. Especially when I was going through nasty divorces. And my #2 (employee) was someone with whom I ultimately trusted. But even there I've used a fair bit of restraint in just how detailed I would get in the info that he was privy too. He knew there were problems, a separation, severe legal battles. I particularly kept him informed when it was business impacting because I always wanted him to be prepared for the inevitable risks that eventually realized themselves in my situation.

But he didn't know the particulars of things between my wife and I, at least not to an intimate level. I did come back from court one morning railing about how she told the judge she was tired of supporting me and that I just sat around and refused to get a job (when I was providing 80 - 90% of the financial support for a fairly moderate lifestyle). So in some cases it got mixed.

I think its wise to keep them as separate as possible, but in small businesses, especially home based ones it may not always be possible to keep it completely separate. I do think I would try to avoid "confiding" in an employee ever about anything deeply intimate to me.

On the private side of things, that's not something I have ever needed to worry about. I am a Notary Public which means I am technically a public official by appointment of the governor. I am now licensed in financial industries (insurance, working on securities) where my finances and business transactions are open to public scrutiny on a whim. I have been a deputy (way long time ago) where they called my childhood neighbors and did polygraphs with the most intimate of questions and I could hide nothing. I want to be an attorney and the BAR exam requires a character fitness review which is very indepth and looks back 10 years.

I've always pretty much looked at things like my life was an open book. And even then I can be pretty guarded in the personal realm. I prefer to keep the sort of stuff we are talking about behind closed doors. But my first wife had to tell everyone about every little problem so even that was elusive. I just came to accept it was like everything else in my life, subject to public scrutiny. In a way it's almost relieving because I don't have to live a double standard or pretend everything is okay. That doesn't mean I run out and spill everything.

One thing to remember is how fast things become old news and people forget or don't care. Look at the legitimate celebrities in the news. As soon as there is no news to report, the reports on them go away. Even major events. Look at the trapped miners that had 24/7 coverage. I haven't heard peep about them in the last week or so and that's not even a month old. The last report on the collapsed brigde has been a while that I've seen too. Every once in a while I see a low key article in a print publication or online about analysis of it but it's very little attention as a whole. There's a mention here and there on news networks but it's very brief, particularly compared to the coverage it was getting closer to the event.

Our lives and story work much the same way. I'm telling you, I met my third wife in a work place of nearly 1200 people. We kept our relationship at work personal, but people knew. After we separated, I returned to the same job after a brief leave and for the first few weeks everyone wanted to know how she was doing and how we were, etc. Within weeks, the only time it would get brought up was with someone who didn't know. Even those who were very close or very interested in the situation stopped asking and talking about it very quickly. And understand that I released virtually no details at work other than "we are no longer together." The most detailed I would get is when someone asked what happened or what went wrong, I would say "I honestly don't know, I've not really been given a reason and while it's not what I ultimately wanted, I have to respect her wishes too." I was sure to stay clear from bad mouthing her at work. She won't find a person here other than my dear friend who has ever heard me say a cross thing about her, even in those places where she's clearly wrong like how she abandoned my children and how she won't even confirm for me that her children are doing okay, etc.

Anyway, there's no harm in being guarded, just don't close up. You've got a great "psuedo anonymous" place here and I'm sure elsewhere online to vent when you need to. Lean on real people as you need, but be careful in what you say and to whom. I definitely think you are right in trying to separate business from personal life, but don't take it to the extreme. Your employees are close to the situation in such a small business and if you are too robotic and matter of fact, it will be hard for them to trust you equally. Worse yet, you want people who will not just do the job but who believe in you and will watch out for you and not sell out the first time someone offers $1/hr more down the road. That's critical in small businesses (at least in my opinion).

I found just the right people in my business but I think it was luck more than skill. No doubt sooner or later I would have found someone who was not so involved or committed. But I can't imagine how those people would have ever truly believed in me and my potential if they didn't have at least a small glimpse into who I was beyond purely business.

I think I'm rambling now so I'll close here. I hope the comments/discussion helps.

I avoided the men/women differences question but think I want to come back and just clarify a particular point. I have known and seen men to be terrible gossips though I don't see it as frequently. I think in many cases (definitely not all), men tend to be far more logical and technical about things and detached emotionally. But at the same time, some men are incredibly emotional and I'm seeing more and more men that are willing to talk about their feelings.

Personally, I can be quite controlled in terms of emotion but I tend to be very expressive too. I have always related to women better than I do to men because I want to talk about how I feel and gut instincts. Not that I do it frequently, but I went through a period where I would be doing something and suddenly find myself with a tear running down my face. I worried about how that might impact my "credibility" and "perceived authority" at my regular job, but you know despite the fact that sometimes I could not hold back in public environments (I sometimes teach classes here and hold meetings, etc.), I have yet to have a single person disrespect me or fail to take me seriously as a direct result of that expressiveness.

In fact I think in some ways it has helped me to be more genuine and real to most of my subordinates (both direct and indirect) and in some ways I think employees become too comfortable with me here. Of course I'm sure it isn't hurt by the fact that we are probably about 70 - 80% female in this particular facility. For example, I have 12 direct reports of which only 1 is male. My boss, her boss (Director), her boss (R.V.P. (no longer in facility)) are female. The next one up is is male (VP), the next one is female (SVP). The top 3 in the reporting chain are male (President, CEO (subsidiary), CEO (major corp)).

It's great to work for a diverse workforce (gender, race, etc.). Of course I feel right at home here because I've always related better to females than to males, perhaps because I tend to be emotionally expressive.

Anyway, there I go again rambling <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

My employee said in an email I over reacted which I'm sure I did as I've been sick and on serious drugs this week. I don't know why at night deathly ill I obsessed and obsessed about this, then just typed my thoughts to her. At least I got it off my chest as it was bugging me for weeks. In the back of my head I was wondering how many companies, how many people, now many towns did she and her friend gossip to. She's right, people are too busy to be thinking about my silly life, however I know small towns. Once something is heard and spread it becomes "common knowledge". There was violence in my marriage, that's what I'm quite certain the customer was talking about when he said "wow, I had no idea, I met your husband, he didn't seem this bad, how did THAT turn out." I shut the customer down before allowing him to continue about THAT, but I'm certain by his tone he didn't mean, "wow, I heard you are separated...." There was "good dirt" that he was referring to. It could have come from no other source. So I tried to explain to her small towns since she's never lived in one, how people love the stories of someone 'falling' and sure it'll be old news quick but everyone related to my business is sure to know. This is incredibly embarrassing to me, and having told her "dont' tell anyone" it really was eating at me. We worked together three years before this winter hit and I "spilled" more details in emails as there was a crisis with my boy and ex, my boy had bruises from a weekend with my ex, it turned into a nightmare and I guess I just in the middle of work deadlines confided in her. I realize it was "too many details" although I didn't worry as we'd now worked four years together. She'd shared before details about her own marrige, fights, she threw pots and pans, pushed her husband the works. I shared very little to try to help her with a little wisdom. As religious as she was on top of it I thought she was trustworthy, but I think with her friend that helped me with odd jobs in the end it went something like this - wow, I can't believe this, she's had it bad, blah, blah, blah and that was shared with my most gossipy customer in a small town I lived almost a decade, wrong town as it's more news there.

I think that from now on I wont' share anything about my personal life, other then very minor details. I have help that works with me online, I share a little now and then about my boy, or being a single mom, but nothing too detailed. One that's also helped me four years was surprised that I finally said in an email I was separated, she thought all was fine even though I'd been away from my ex almost two years. I'd shared about my dad's cancer, but my marriage I've shared with almost no one. I suppose there is shame as especially old friends know the "red flags" were there in the dating process, that I left him once. I also feel like a fool that it's gone on so long. Whatever I just don't like discussing it, sure I've vented now and then, usually to a stranger at a playground or something. But no one especially ever related to my business. In business I would prefer respect and how with so much drama can one be seen as stable, especially such details that at least the one customer appears to "know" about. It gives me the creeps actually, and that my employee emailed back like it was "nothing" actually made it worse. It appears she didn't respect me like I thought, was maybe "listening" to me then venting to her friend that I was chatting personally, that she liked the pay but not really me. I'm especially gathering that from the tone of her defensive emails, thus she's gone and will no longer work for me. It's too hard to have someone that works for you be a "friend" that knows too much, she's often told me personal things and I've been easier on her for poor work, and other problems then others. It's gotten in the way of my treating her as hired help. I won't do it again.

You are right, being genuine and real is helpful, but too much "intimacy and details" is a HUGE problem as I found out here. Funny I relate better to males then females although help wise I know men have a very hard time working for a woman so usually I hire women - although one employee - a gay guy to this day was some of the best help I've ever hired. The "issues" and competitiveness wasn't there as is with other women, and he was just like a girlfriend. I think it's harder to be a female boss then a male boss personally. Women are more of a 'target' then men for 'stuff' like what just happened to me, more 'fair game' for gossip and backstabbing. Just think of female politicians even, if it's a man you watch them on tv, listen to what they are saying, sure you might think a bit about their clothes, whatever, but as for women, watching another woman - heck, we'd pick apart hair, clothes, size, shape, voice, and more. Yes there are more women in higher positions and it's a good thing, yet I think women typically have to work much, much harder then men to get to the top. I know I work harder then my male competitors, and partly that's why I went a little psycho on my employee - on top of being a woman in business, trying to compete with the big boys, I don't need "this" as my reputation as well... it's hard enough without personal "gossip". She has no clue what I'm talking about and I think it goes back to the mentality - it's two ways of thinking, being the boss and being the employee.