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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 10
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Junior Member
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Posts: 10 |
Post deleted by OkieDokie0
Last edited by OkieDokie0; 09/03/07 12:51 PM.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
What kind of stuff is he lying about? Does he lie to others too? Are you that much of an ogre when he does tell you the truth? Do you treat him with respect? And no, you should NOT be "understanding" of conflict avoidance. Being afraid to face conflict is not a legitimate excuse. Not having the balls to face conflict is not a legitimate excuse to LIE. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> It is a form of dishonesty that is a huge lovebuster. It will cause you to fall out of love with him, so it is not something you can tolerate if you want to have a marriage with him.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Also, I think your main issue is "CONFLICT AVOIDANCE." There are alot of ppl here who know much more about that than me. If you change the title to this thread to something like: "need help with conflict avoider" you are more likely to attract the folks you need. Just click on 'edit" and you can change the title.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 10
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 10 |
Post deleted by OkieDokie0
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
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How long did you know this man before you married him? Was there evidence that he was so weak before?
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 10
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 10 |
Post deleted by OkieDokie0
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
My husband and I are divorced - he cheated. I tried to save the marriage for 4 years. We have grown children that we raised together. I have talked to him less than 1 minute in the last 9 months - when my car registration was sent to his home.
What your husband is doing is more than conflict avoidance. Why does he need to talk to his ex at all?
Explain more about his involvement in his grown kids mistakes, please.
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 10
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 10 |
Post deleted by OkieDokie0
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
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Personally, I would tell him to hold up on selling his home.
The two of you have a lot of problems for newlyweds. One thing that needs to be discussed is a Policy of Joint Agreement - that is never doing anything that the spouse doesn't support enthusiastically.
The pot smoking and drinking is just the tip of the iceburg. Later they may want him to co sign for loans, care for their children, etc.
The thing with his wife is totally inappropriate. If your hubby lets his kids drink when they have been in trouble for it, and smoke dope in his home, I don't know why his wife would be asking his advice on things.
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
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Joined: Jan 2001
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Please go read up on radical honesty and share it with your H. Also it maybe good to get some MC. I recommend calling Steve H for some phone counseling or find an M C in your area who is familiar with MB concepts.
Your H will continue this pattern and you need to decide if you want to show him how to stop it or get out of the M.
L.
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 10
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 10 |
Post deleted by OkieDokie0
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
I'm not talking about divorce, just slowing everything down until you he has a chance to read the MB stuff, and the two of you get things back on track.
My ex was a lot like your husband. We spent 15 years with him enabling the kids, and his ex GF (his kid's mom). He even co-signed against by wishes for an apartment for her TWICE. That little number cost us over $8,000.
I'm suggesting that YOU don't conflict avoid, and start getting the marriage/his family in the correct priority.
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 10
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 10 |
Post deleted by OkieDokie0
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
You need to turn things around, NOW. Don't be like me and go through 15 years of misery. By the way, my ex left me for another woman.
Call the Harley's. You need emergency help to get your marriage on track. Like you say, until your husband gets it, it will be one issue after another.
By the way, is HE a believer?
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