Quote from another Infidelity website

“The window and the wall

When affairs take place the OW is given a window into the (marital) relationship because the unfaithful spouse generally talks about his marriage with the OW.

However, the unknowing faithful partner sees only a wall. They are not allowed to see beyond the marriage into the affair, which is always hidden with lies and deception.

If healing is to take place, the window and wall must be reversed. The faithful partner must be given a window into the affair and the OW must be given a wall instead. Their (OW) window into the marriage must be boarded shut permanently”

I first posted on here about seven weeks ago. My D Day was 20 July 2007. I posted under ‘New member. Heartbroken BS’ a couple of days after D Day. I haven’t posted for a while because, to be honest, I have spent so much time on this website reading all the posts and seeing the anguish that affairs have caused to innocent spouses that it was really getting me down. I’m sorry but that is just how I felt.

I don’t know how to link my original post to this post but my story is this - briefly; we are from the UK but we have lived in Australia for the last six years – we moved here because of my husband’s job. My husband has spent the last two years or so travelling backwards and forwards to America on business. Since the beginning of this year (up until the end of June) he has only spent three weeks at home. Anyway, the last time he was home was 26 June – 3 Aug. When he came home on the 26 June I suspected that he was not being honest with me and I eventually found out – to cut a long story short - (through snooping – email mainly) that he had been having an affair with a woman in America for the last twelve months or so.

Up until about twelve months or so ago we had a good relationship. We were equally matched in the bedroom (we both have quite high sex drives) we got on very well on every level – I thought our Love Banks were full to overflowing!!

I don’t think I have ever been a bad wife though it has been a bit of a challenge sometimes mostly because WH can be quite self centred at times. I am an easy going person and have never laid down the law. I have always followed the ‘do as you would be done by’ rule. I respect him and I expected him to treat me the same way. I trusted him, he trusted me because we loved one another. I always thought we felt the same about this. I also don’t think that I have been a doormat either. We have always seen ourselves as a team. When we met I went through a hard time with my ex regarding my children, I felt like we had been through such a lot together that were a solid couple.

Over the last twelve months or so my WH has been more distant with me when he has been home (anything between three weeks and two months). Things have practically ground to halt in the bedroom. Looking back, this has been a good indication to me that there has been something else going on. In all our time together (15 years) I don’t think we have had a week (when he has been at home) were we haven’t had sex at least twice.

We still seemed to be getting on alright but I felt more like his mother or sister than his wife. I have said on countless occasions that I felt like Cinderella – that he was going off and seeing the world whilst I was left at home doing the housework and looking after the children. He always said that when the children were off our hands we would travel together. I have a list as long as my arm of the places he has promised to take me. We didn’t argue, we have always been good mates; he just seemed a bit distant and preoccupied. He never stopped telling me he loved me and we used to cuddle in bed but the sex just wasn’t what it used to be. I asked him several times what was wrong and he always blamed his job and the stress he was under with work.

Anyway, on the 20 July I discovered that he had been having an affair for about twelve months with a woman who he had met through his job.

When I found out about the affair I emailed her (in a fit of rage) and told her that I knew about them and how devastated I was etc. etc. In truth I didn’t know anything much at this point, I had just seen two emails.

The first time I confronted him about it he denied it. He convinced me that they were work colleagues. I received an email from her (OW) a couple of days later saying that ‘they were not in a casual relationship. They had been planning a marriage with children since they met almost a year ago. WS had consistently told her that he had never had a love/relationship like this before’.

I was stunned. I had spent two days believing that my H was telling me the truth – gas lighting/fogging or whatever. I wanted to believe he was telling me the truth. At this time I had not found the MB website.

I showed him her email and he laughed. He said that maybe that’s what she thought but it certainly wasn’t what he thought. He told me that she was 41, had never been married and had no children. He said that he thought that she saw him as her future (husband, father to her children etc) but that wasn’t how he saw it. He said he met her through work, it started as a casual relationship but it had got more serious (in her eyes) and it was getting out of hand. He said that he intended to end the relationship and (I don’t know whether he said this but I am sure it is what he thought) that he hoped I would never find out about it.

During this time, though I had not yet found the MB website, I realise that I was doing Plan A

IMHO I think that he just thought he could have his cake and eat it. As I said my WH has a high sex drive and three months is a long time to him (in that respect). He is a very charming man and knows exactly what women want to hear. As I wrote in my email to her ‘he can charm the birds from the trees’. He is in no way sleazy.
When you ask women what they want in a man, he would tick all the boxes – gsoh, attentive, caring, understanding, affectionate blah, blah, blah….

She sent me a further email saying that when she met my WH he did not tell her he was married (shock horror???). I find it very difficult to believe that a woman in her forties is not going to ask anything about her ‘boyfriend’s’ past. I know that if I was going into a new relationship at my age I would want to know the background of a new partner. She is an intelligent woman (she is a business consultant). I don’t know when she found out that my WH was married. I don’t know whether she asked him or whether he told her. At the end of the day she chose to continue a relationship with a married man.

All this stuff is related to the quote at the beginning of this post.

She said in one of her emails that ‘X (WH) always said that he would tell you about us. X felt responsible for the position I was in in Australia and it weighed heavily upon him’.

This refers to the fact that we are from the UK and our visa for Australia expires at the end of the year. Also, the company that my husband worked for were supposed to be relocating us to America in March 2006. This never happened but in the meantime we had sold our house in Australia and we are currently living in a rented property. My WH is trying to set up his own business and all our saving are going into that.

I also found out that my WH was ringing the OW every time I went out of the house, the longest call was 74 minutes. This was only every other day.

After D Day he did not phone her at all (I checked). After he finally admitted to the A he said it was finished as far as he was concerned. He loved me, he didn’t want to lose me, he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me etc. etc. He just wanted to wait until he got back to the USA to tell her – he thought it was only fair. I agreed to this. After all by the time had got back he would not have rung her for three weeks at least and not seen her for two months. He is not much of an emailer. About two sentences is his limit (he is dyslexic).

Before he left the USA in June he had been renting a house. He gave up the rent in June. He told me that he had stored his stuff at his Business Partners and at male friends. He said he didn’t know where he was going to stay when he got back.

He went back to the USA by way of the UK. He was in the UK for about five days. I asked him to ring me when he got back to the USA to let me know he had got there OK.

His flight landed at 7.30pm. He said he might stay in a hotel for the first night. I did not hear from him for twelve hours after he arrived.

When he did finally ring me he said his suitcase had been lost, his phone charger was in his suitcase (which I know was true) and he didn’t have a phone to ring me on.

He also said that he had gone to his male friends house but he wasn’t in. He then said he went to the OW house (he didn’t know were else to go) and stayed there for the night. He said he slept on the sofa.

He told me that he had left his car on her drive (whilst he was in Australia) and that she had an empty rental property where he had stored his stuff (not at his two friends as he had said previously). He said he was telling me the truth.

I was so angry. He knew when he was here (in Australia) were his stuff was and were his car was. I think he just didn’t tell me the truth because he knew I would go off on one. I think he was protecting his own back.

He said that when he met her (OW) the conversation was quite cool and they didn’t talk about anything of any importance. She said that she could stay in her rental property for as long as he wanted. It is currently being renovated and it is not in a very good area. She said that he would be doing her a favour living there rather than it being empty.

I can’t believe that he lied to me about where he was going when he went back. He knew she had his car. He knew his stuff was in her rental property. As I said, I think he was just watching his own back.

The day before WH arrived in the USA I had an email from OW which said ‘I think (WH) just wanted to have an affair with me, he didn’t anticipate falling in love with me’.

Her tone in every email that she has sent me is quite patronising. She talks to me like I am already history as far as she is concerned.

Since WH has been back in the USA he has rung me every morning and every night. He says he loves me and doesn’t want us to break up. I believe him. I told him that if he wanted her he should go to her. I said that if he didn’t love me he shouldn’t stay with me. Also, he shouldn’t stay with me out of pity. He said that he had never stopped loving me and he genuinely wanted our marriage to work. I told him that I couldn't go through this again and he said that he would never do this to us again. We have had some quite emotional conversations.

I honestly believe he thought he could just have a bit on the side. We were on different continents so how on earth would I ever find out?

I believe that WH thought that what I didn’t know wouldn’t hurt me. When he rings me now he says that he is so sorry for the hurt he has caused me. He wants to be with me for the rest of his life. It upsets him to think about how upset I am blah, blah blah. I do believe that he has seen the error of his ways…or am I just being stupid.

The reason he is still in the USA is because of his business. It is at a make or break point at the moment. If the business does not take off in the next couple of weeks then it will fold. WH says he doesn’t care, our marriage is more important and that he will find something else to do (work wise).

I really believe that he is sorry for what he has done (at the moment). How do I know that once this has died down he won’t do it again? I am not into revenge affairs, they don’t achieve anything.

Anyway, back to the quote at the beginning of the post. I know hardly anything about his relationship with the OW. It is not the sort of thing I want to talk about over the phone (he is still in the US).

I lie in bed at night tormenting myself about what there relationship was like. If the affair has been going on for twelve months (as she says) then the number of times they must have had sex must be in the hundreds by now.

Do you think it is acceptable for me to expect to know more details of the affair? I don’t think anything he says can torment me more than I am tormenting myself at the moment.

He told me that she was fat (bigger than me and I’m not skinny – 70kg)) and that he didn’t fancy her that much. I can believe that. My husband is a boobs man and if they were big enough then he would be able to overlook the rest of her.

For the last three weeks we have spoken on the phone. He constantly tells me how sorry he is, how he regrets hurting me, how much he wants us to be together etc. etc.

We are leaving Australia at the end of November (this was always the plan) and going back to the UK.

WH was originally planning to be in the US until the 26 October. He is now saying that he wants to come home earlier.

In truth I think that the OW has finished with him – thanks to my emails. In my emails I didn’t accuse her, I just told her like it was – how devastated I was, how much I loved my husband etc. She wrote to me and said that this was a no-win situation. I honestly think that she has given him the elbow and I also think that he is grateful that she did.

At the end of the day I just want my husband back.

Anyway, back to the quote. I know hardly anything about their relationship. I lie awake at night imagining them have wild sex etc. Do you think it is in order for me to ask my WH to give me details about their relationship – to put my mind at rest? Will he tell me the truth or do you think it is better not knowing?

I would appreciate your comments.

kimleigh2

What city and state in the US is your husband in right now? Do you know the address of the home he's staying it? Do you know OW's full name? There may be someone here that would do some checking on him for you.

What concerns me:

1. Waywards are notoriously bad businesspersons.
2. He's supposedly dumped your all your family money into a teetering business venture...how convenient.
3. OW is a business consultant...I wonder how much he's been paying her over and/or under the table.
4. He's moved all his possessions to a safe place and accumulated assets (likely not in his name) in the US.

Not to mention he's likely played the successful international businessman angle to the hilt with OW and spent tons of money playing his role entertaining her. OW notoriously clean out married men as a way to compensate them for their uncommitted sexual services.


I'd lay odds that he does feel bad you are in Australia and getting you home, to the UK in November is a priority to him. Getting you home is likely what he's used to put off OW for the time being (waywards always operate in the present). I think he does intend or is heading down a path wherein he eventually believes he will divorce you. Since he hasn't cleaned you out yet completely and it's not according to his plan...he's keeping you on the line for now with lip service while he continues pursuing his affair here in the US. Do you have copies or access to ANY of his business and personal bank records??? If so, make full copies of everything right now before it all disappears. When he comes into town again...snoop out what you can then too. Protect your interests.

Further, OW emails you hoping to gain a little of your confidence as all this plays out. She loves making you upset so she feigns kindness but you are correctly infering her intentional subliminal messages. She WANTS you nagging and questioning your husband and playing the role of needy, nagging wife. Plus...she can keep tabs on you a bit as well. Friends close and enemies closer kind of thing.

Good luck and sorry you find yourself in this sitch.

Mr. Wondering

Hi Mr Wondering

Thank you so much for replying to my post.

I really appreciate your comments though some of them are quite hard to read – I can’t believe that WH is just waiting until we get back to the UK before he divorces me. I suppose it is easier for an outsider to see things that someone in the thick of it can’t see. Also, sometimes it is hard to communicate every single detail to that outsider. My posts just get longer and longer and I know that some people find that off-putting.

In answer to your questions. WH and OW are both living (a couple of miles apart) just outside Detroit, Michigan. I know both of the addresses and I know her full name. It’s amazing what you can find out through reverse phone searches!!

I have always been in charge of our finances and WH would not be able to spend any money without my knowledge. Whilst WH was working for the Australian company which sent him to the US (up to Dec 06) I expect he was entertaining her on his expense account. As you said, he would be playing the part of successful international business man. He is a man who likes to impress!!

In truth he doesn’t have very many possessions in the USA – an old TV, a chair, a bed, a few other bits of furniture and his clothes. He is not in a position to set up home on his own.

I honestly don’t know what his plan was when he went back to the US after I found out. As I said, he knew he had left his stuff and his car at her place. I asked it what his plan was when he got back to the US (assuming I hadn’t found out) and he said he didn’t have one. I find that very hard to believe under the circumstances.

The business is still going nowhere. He is a consultant with one other male partner. He has not earned a cent since the beginning of this year. At the moment he would hardly be a good catch for the OW – no money, no job and no proper visa.

He is in the US now until this Sunday (9 Sept) then he is going to Germany to the Motor Show for a week. He says that when he gets back from Germany (16 Sept) he will sit down with his business partner and they will decide whether or not to fold up the business (such as it is).

If the business does fold (and I think it will) he will come back to Australia as soon as possible. We will then be relocating to the UK on 29 November.

If this is the case then it means he will only be in the US for another couple of weeks. If he is continuing the A (and I honestly believe he is not) it will be impossible for him to continue it when he is no longer in the same country.

As I said earlier he is currently staying in a tatty rental property which belongs to the OW. It is being renovated. He said he thought she was going to sell it. I asked him what (when I found out about the A and the property) the plan was with the OW. Why was she selling her investment property? Were they moving in together? He said he had no plan.

He has been living in her rental place rent free since 13 August. I find this in itself very strange. He said she was glad that it was occupied because it is in a rough area and she was worried about it being left empty. He said it suited him to live there only because it was free and he could do without having to pay rent. He says he has had no contact with her except for when she came around one time to see the man who is doing the renovations. Even then they did not spend any time alone. He said she was very cool towards him.

As I said before, I honestly believe that she has dumped him and I think she did it the day he got back there. I think he could probably have persuaded her to carry on the A if he had wanted that (which I don’t think he did) but I also think that he was relieved that she had ended it. It made things easier for him. I think that she has realised that she is on a road to nowhere with a married man. Also, I don’t think she could have lived with the thought of destroying our marriage. Before I emailed her I suppose it was easy for her to put me out of her mind. After all, she was never likely to meet me and they were both in Affairland, no responsibilities, both free agents (well he wasn’t but at the time he was, if you see what I mean), no boring day to day stuff, just romance in their own little world.

Now that she has had to acknowledge that I really exist (because of my emails, which I think were quite powerful). She knows that I am not a bad wife and she knows some truths. I don’t think WH ever told her he was unhappily married. I told her that WH used to ring me everyday from the US telling me how much he was missing me and how much he loved me and couldn’t wait to see me again (which was the truth). I think her perspective has changed. I do agree with what you said Mr Wondering that in her emails to me she was messing with my head so that I would turn into the needy wife and it would be to her advantage. I think she was seeing me as history.

She actually emailed me the day before WH got back to the US and said ‘I suspect WH just wanted to have an affair with me, he just didn’t anticipate falling in love with me. I understand that this is a no win situation’. She has never actually said that she loves him, she always makes out that it was WH making the declarations of love. I have wondered whether she is a bit deluded and a bit of a bunny boiler. As I said to WH, she is in the Last Chance Saloon. She wants a husband and children and her time is running out (she is 41). It smacks of desperation to me. I also know for a fact that WH has no intentions of having children at his age (48). He is always of the opinion, when he hears of older people having children, that it is not fair to the children to have such old parents, etc. etc.

I think that her rose tinted specs have fallen off and she now realises what kind of situation she has got herself into. WH also said to me that even if I had thrown him out there was no way he would have ended up with the OW anyway. I know I might be deluding myself here but I think she was just company for him, he was lonely in the USA and she filled the gap. I honestly believe that this is the only reason this A came about. She was single and showed an interest in him; he saw the opportunity and took it – cake eater!!! I know it doesn’t make it right but I can see how it happened.

I spoke to WH yesterday and he said that he would have to contact her to let her know that he would be in Germany for a week and to let her know that the house would be empty. I said OK, I suppose it is only good manners. The house is in quite a rough area, I believe.

I spoke to WH today and he said he had rung her to tell her he would be away. She told him that she wanted him to move out asap when he gets back from Germany. She also told him that she is seeing someone else. Sounds like she got over WH very quickly (and I said as much to him). My WH told her that he was glad (it’s the kind of person he is) that she was happy with her new bloke. I asked WH what else they had talked about and he said that was about it and that she was quite cool and matter of fact with him. I believe that he is telling me the truth.

The thing that is always in the back of my mind though is what would have happened if I hadn’t found out and is it worth tormenting myself with that thought. I don’t think WH had any intention of telling me about the A. WH also knew that his time in the US was most likely limited (business folding etc). I think he probably would have continued seeing her until his business failure meant him leaving America. He likes to be the good guy and it would have been a good excuse to end it (not being able to stay due to circumstances beyond his control). It would have been the perfect way to end the affair and be blameless in her eyes. Also, he probably thought that I would never find out, after all how would I have found out being on a different continent.

After saying all this I genuinely think he is remorseful. I think he was very shocked at the way I reacted and saw how much he had hurt me. I am usually such a calm level headed person. He said that he didn’t think I would be so hurt and upset (well duh…). He is putting tons into the Lovebank at the moment, even though it is long distance. We speak twice a day (there is a 14 hour time difference which makes things a bit harder). I am doing Plan A and also the carrot and stick. Especially the stick item – directly communicating (to him) the hurt and devastation that the affair has caused.

I don’t want him to get away with this scott free but then again I want to move forward and restore our marriage. I read on these posts about the BS needing to know details of the A. I have told WH that when he gets back I need him to tell me some things about the A. He has told me barely anything. He just keeps saying it wasn’t the relationship that OW says it was. I honestly believe he was being a cake eater. He is a very charming man but I think he has trouble with boundaries. I think this A started as an EA and progressed into a PA. I have told him that he needs to know his boundaries in future.

I have read on here that it can take at least twelve months to be in true recovery. Do BS ever truly recover or are they always waiting for the next A? Do WH ever truly realise the hurt they have caused and if they do do they genuinely become faithful spouses? I now know that my WH can look me in the eye and lie to me over and over. How do I live with that thought? If I can’t trust him again, how do I live with that? We both want our marriage to survive. I have told WH that I can’t go through this again. He says he will never do this again. Does that mean that next time he will hide it better or is he genuinely remorseful? I suppose I should know that better than anybody but then again I thought I knew my husband before this Affair. How do I live the rest of my life in this marriage and find true peace?

What do you think?

Kim

Kim,
Sorry you are here, but this is a great site.

Don't have alot of time, but wanted to say a few things.

This A has not ended. There has to be NO CONTACT whatsoever for an A to end.

WSs lie. They will tell you things that you want to hear, so you leave their fantasy world alone. I would not believe a single thing he or OW says. You cannot verify a thing and your WH has lied to you for quite some time.

OWs don't care about wives. They don't care about your pain. We never believe an OW.

Your WH needs to leave her rental and stop talking with her. The problem with that is that you won't know if it happens or not. You may need to hire a PI in the US to make sure.

This doesn't sit well.

Please be aware and don't believe everything he is telling you. Be very skeptical.

And read everything you can on this site. Learn about A's and how to recover from them. IT takes generally 2-5 years when everything is done right. Purchase and read Surviving An Affair if you can.

Coincidentally

Mrs. Wondering and I live in Detroit.

email us the names and addresses to the email address listed below (assuming you feel comfortable doing so). We may even know her (she is the same age as me).

Mr. W - now going back to read the rest of your post

Hi Michelle G

Thank you replying to my post.

I think I have already spoken (?) to you on ‘Recovery’ under the heading of ‘Do you ever truly get past it’. I don’t know your story and I am not a very experienced poster. I don’t know if I am repeating myself here but my original post was under ‘Just found out’, New member, Heartbroken BS’. How can I read your story? I would be happy to email you privately. Unfortunately for me my email address gives away the full name of my husband so that is the only reason I am not altogether happy to put it on this forum. I am not so computer savvy that I know how to create my own email address.

I would be happy to just write my story in one place and be able to thread it to everything else but I don’t know how to do it – sorry.

I know exactly what you mean when you say it doesn’t sit well. My WH knew when he left the USA in June that he had left his stuff at the OW rental property and that he had left his car on her drive.

I found out via the internet that her previous tenant had left on the 19th May. I never cease to be amazed at the things you can find out through the www!! The house is being renovated at the moment. As I said before I don’t know if WH and OW had a plan regarding this. He doesn’t have anything, financially, to put into his A.

After I found out about his A he still maintained that he had left his stuff at his two friends and his car was with his business partner. Actually, I never really asked the question because didn’t see any reason why it wouldn’t be the truth. At this time I wasn’t aware that she even had a rental property. I honestly think he didn’t dare tell me the truth about where his stuff/car was. I really believe that he thought that by not telling me he was protecting our marriage – what I didn’t know wouldn’t hurt me. I have put myself in his shoes over this issue. If it was me I know that I would be totally shooting myself in the foot (and everywhere else) by admitting that my stuff/car was with the OW, even if I had ended the A. It would have to be something I would have to sort out when I got back. I like to think he was thinking the same way.

Just before he left the USA to come back to Australia in June he told me he had spent all weekend moving his stuff out of the apartment he had been renting and had given up because it was too expensive. It’s a long story and of no significance really, but he took over the (very expensive) rental property of a former business colleague and was tied to be there until June.

Anyway, he left the USA on a Tuesday evening. I believe that he had stayed with the OW from Friday until he left. I don’t know were else he could have stayed. He did say that he had stayed at his business partners but I now realise that was a lie because it turned out that his car was at her house. She must have taken him to the airport in his car and then put it on her drive.

I honestly believe that even though he said he was going to end the A, she has beaten him to it. I hope so anyway. In a strange way it would make me feel better if she had ended it because that would be more hurtful/damaging to his ego. He would realise that he is not so irresistible after all.

She emailed me just after D Day and said ‘WH always said he would tell you about us’.
I think that she just got tired of waiting for me to become history. I don’t think my WH had any intention of telling me, or of ending our marriage. As I said before – cake eater.

The last email I received from her was on the day before WH got back to the USA. It was the one that said ‘I think he just wanted to have an affair with me, he didn’t anticipate falling in love with me…..this is a no-win situation’.

When I found out that he had stayed at her place (and slept on the sofa??) and that he was staying at her rental place, I emailed her and asked her to tell me what the situation was, that I ‘couldn’t stand this anymore, it was driving me mad’. Up to now – three weeks later – she has not replied. I honestly believe that if the A was still carrying on she would not be able to resist telling me so.

Since my WH got back to America he has been ringing me every morning and every night. There is a 14 hour time difference which makes things a bit difficult – my night is his day. I believe this is his way of trying to restore or marriage and to prove to me that he is where he says he is. I not so stupid as to not realise that an A can happen anytime and anywhere but I do think he is being honest with me.

When he became self employed, at the beginning of 2007, he has spent almost all his time in America. Up until mid June he had only been home for three weeks. When he was away he used to ring me from Monday to Thursday but he gradually gave up ringing me over the weekend. He always said he had been to Jazz club, got in too late to ring, went to stay with friends and loads of other excuses. I now realise that he had been spending all his weekends with the OW.

He has been back in the USA for three weeks now and he rings me morning and night seven days a week. I think that this his way of proving to me that he is no longer in the affair.

I think the only reason he has spoken to her (by telephone -once) is out of courtesy and to let her know that her place will be empty for a week. He told me that she wanted him to leave the property when he got back from Germany. This doesn’t sound like a woman who is still in an affair, assuming that he is telling me the truth. In some ways I think us being apart for the last three weeks and the affair coming to light has made him realise what he would be losing. He get on very well with my children, all boys, all with the same interests as WH. The boys all look up to him and I think that means a great deal to my WH. He likes to think he is a good person and a good role model. I am sure that he has realised that this A could seriously damage his ‘reputation’. I have not exposed his A to anybody except my best friend – I needed someone to talk to. He has exposed his A to his best friend in the UK (safe distance) and I suspect to his business partner, though if his BP hadn’t already worked it out then he is more stupid than a ….stupid person!!

Anyway Michele, I am still sceptical. I want to believe the best in everybody. I have read most of the stuff on this site. I don’t want to make a hasty decision only to regret it for the rest of my life.

Keep in touch

kim

Hello Mr Wondering

I can't believe that live in Detroit. It almost seems like fate has brought us together because of my situation.

I will email you because I don't want such private details to be on this forum.

Please read the rest of my posts. My original post was under 'Just found out' and was 'New member, heartbroken BS'.

I have also been on the Recovery index under 'Do you truly ever get past it.

By the way, were is your story. I appreciate that your crisis (?) was a while ago but I would like to read your story.

Thanks for all your help

Kim

I started reading MB in May, 2005 but I only lurked.

Mrs. Wondering actually is the one that started posting after I emailed her a link to a thread I thought she should read. Her original posting name was WWWondering. If you search WWWondering back to about June, July and August of 2005 you should be able to see her initial threads.

Also...as far as setting up a new on-line private email account you could do what we did and just go to yahoo.com and sign-up. You don't have to pay them anything.

I'm awaiting your email. I so hope he's located near by as it would be easy to stop by posing as a flower delivery guy or something. Wish you had a picture of her to go by or knowledge of where she works. All I need to do is confirm they are in the presence of each other to smash all his lies.

BTW, assuming you are right about the affair being over and WH coming back to the marriage. He's going to have a tough withdrawal and much difficulties at first. He's been busted, lost his OW AND failed at his business enterprise. He better get on AD's and find a new job immediately. Depression could easily set in.

W

KimLeigh2 Story


Kim,
You can go to hotmail, you can get a free email address if you want.

I know you want to believe him, but you should not believe him. What makes you think that he suddenly is going to be honest? I really think that you need to hire someone in the US or get the Wonderings to look into it if they are willing.

And you also need to stop contacting OW. She does not care about you or your M. She will say things to hurt you, she will flat out lie, etc. HER WORDS MEAN NOTHING!!!!

Really. before you can start to recover, the A must be over. And right now you have no proof that it is. In fact, everything says that it is still going on. So your first line of business is to break up the A, and have proof that it is done. NOT YOUR WH's WORDS!

See if you can get another email at hotmail or yahoo. Basically all you have to do is register. Start there. Get in touch with MrWonderin. Let's be sure that it is over. If it's not, there are some things to do to help end it. One step at a time, but no time to waste!!!

MicheleG's Story

Oh my, it would be fantastic if Mr. W could spy and see what's going on for you!!!!

I suspect that WH is living with OW, but that's just me and I hope that's not the case.

Turns out WH is living less than 10 miles from my home and less than 5 miles from my business.

We'll see if we can coordinate at least a driveby, maybe more.

What are the odds of a UK couple...living in Australia...with a WH traveling to the US for business and him ending up within 10 miles of a random poster (me) on MB's home??

Mr. Wondering

Go get em Mr W!

God works in mysterious ways!!!!

Hi everybody

I am sorry but I haven't time to write much today.

I is truly weird that I have found Mr Wondering on this forum and he is so close to my WH in Detroit.

I have emailed Mr W and he is going to help me to find out whether the A has ended as my H says it as, or whether it is still going on and he is still lying to me.

Hoping for the answer I want to hear (that the A is over).

Must dash.

Will try to spend more time on here tomorrow.

Thanks to everybody for their comments

Kimleigh2

Anything?

----------------
[color:"blue"] Me (BS) - 50 yo
Him (WH) - 48 yo
OW - 41, single, no children
Married 11 years, together 15 years
Children - 3 boys from my first marriage - 24, 19, 17
Second marriage for both
D Day - 20th July 2007
Hoping for full recovery [/color]
----------------

Kim,

I asked this question on your other thread and haven't heard back. But can you tell me if you and your current husband met while still married to your previous spouses.

Jo

Day Day #2 - Mr and Mrs Wondering caught my husband out with the OW on Saturday night. They even sent me photos.

Even though it was not what I wanted to hear I am so grateful to M and Mrs W's help in all this.

Resilient - please go back to the other thread (why the **** should I accept his affair)I will post my full answer there.

Kimleigh2