Mimi,
I thought we had agreed that we would speak to our sons about it, but my H usually agrees but doesn't think I have a point...hmmm, sounds like it wasn't in agreement. With my OS, he went to "sleep" at 2:30 pm and wouldn't get up, then when I went to leave he wouldn't come out of his room. He told H he thought I overreacted and what was the big deal, he said he would clean it up.
I guess with our lives in a constant turmoil, especially now that we are in different states, the communication problems are increased.
As far as 15 hours a week, no we aren't following that due to the distance. I am trying to give admiration where possible, and attention. I do the domestic stuff when I am there, but as to POJA, no it isn't happening. Part of this is due to my FWH lack of self esteem, his business failed, he over paid for it to begin with, drained our finances, and he feels a lot of guilt. This leads him to increase the CA and P/A behavior as he feels like he doesn't have an equal say and he doesn't trust his own judgement. So, what this does is he agrees with me on the surface, but not really. I've told him many times I want to hear the truth, such as when he thinks I am acting like a jerk (which I can and do), when I do stupid things/make poor decisions. He doesn't though and says something soothing, which sounds nice but really I would rather him voice things then to stuff them and lead to resentments. Yes I have asked him to but he doesn't. He may also be depressed due to the above and FOO issues/genetics.
I guess all that is in my control to do is to bring things to the table to discuss, keep my tone and body language neutral, and try to encourage FWH to say what he really thinks.
If you can think of anything else or another approach, let me know please!
