Hi LA.

i had a different response to you but i'm going to take it out.

have a great weekend.

FL,I am glad you had a nice meal! Squid and I eat together often, but Anniversary meals still FEEL special !

Its our 21st anniversary on 26th September. Unfortunately we can't go away for a weekend this year like our Madrid trip last year.

I'm trying to plan a special day for us without us having to stay overnight anywhere.

Bizarrely the last couple of anniversaries have been pretty special because we know we are both CHOOSING to be married now. There is no assumption.

hey Bob, we are still going to schedule a get away for a night or two, it will probably be in about a week or two.

we were looking for places to go, there are so many nice resorts, but then we figured, we absolutely love our vacation house, it is on a lake, we have a great porch that over looks the lake, which faces west, great sunsets. on the porch are the chairs DH has made, along with my swinging chair. down at the water are two trees perfectly spaced where we hang our hammock. we have a boat, a spa, a ping pong table, even a pin ball machine!! and as of two weeks ago when we put up a hummingbird feeder, we have hummingbirds now too.

we bought the lot when it was full of trees, literally cut down the trees ourselves, together, for an entire summer, all the time drawing up floor plans. next year the place was built and we have enjoyed it emensly.

seemed silly to go anywhere else <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Amen FL ! Sounds like paradise !

We have an old place in a valley in Wales. No hummingbirds, but quite lovely all the same <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> We spent weeks there this summer while the kids were on holiday from school.

Sorry I missed dropping in yesterday to wish you a very happy and joyous 21 years!! Its just wonderful! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I thought Aussie & I would never get to 20 years a year or 2 ago. However I am grateful, most grateful to God and my DH that we have lived and enjoyed so many years together, even if the tyranny of distance & duty has separated us physically at times.

Whereever you spend a few days together, the only important thing is the 'together' bit ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Hey FLT2H - Glad the dinner went well! Congratulations again on 21 years!!!!

As for the other thread, I missed most of it, but I did see ***** so I can only imagine what must have transpired... I refuse to post anything to that bitter, spitefull BH. He must have really gotten beaten up in his situation because all of his posts are full of venom.

Semper Fi,

RIF

HI AW!! it's never to late to send your well wishes.

RIF, i feel bad for my role in the whole mess, that is for sure. I had a strong reaction to other responses on Captain's thread, that is for sure too. I could have phrased my response at what i saw as flipent so much better than i did. it was not meant to attack anyone, it was just my honest response. and mostly i should of stopped trying to communicate with one particular poster, (of course, i won't say the name!!!)

in the end i stooped low enough to say someone was acting like an idiot. i will not do that again. i'll walk away from unproductive exchanges.

in the end:

i was called sick, immature, self-absorbed, dishonest, (no reason to complete the list).

so many others who got involved got called nasty names.

suzet get banned (obvioulsy not just because of this incident)

ForeverHers left.

it's just stupid.

i liked orchird's thread. but i disagree about part of it.

she talked about how she would never snitch on another poster. I never did either. but you will be sure that right now my thinking is to be so much more vigilant about doing just that. am i wrong about that?

i think the reason might be in the area of respect. there are some here, i just cannot respect. no amount of giving good advice gives them a free card to slam others they way they do.

do i need to breath and relax more???

or would the board become a better place if we started to hold each other more accountable?

i am struggling with that right now.

this place is so different than when i first came.

and what i think the most about is this: if MB had been like this then, where would I be today? what would of happened if i tried to find help here and instead found so much hostility that i ran off. would i have found help somewhere else?

before MB, i confided in a counsoler back when it was just internet chatting going on, i was literally called a skank, or something like that.

i confided in another counsoler, a MC, who decided it would be better for me to have some individual sessions. he told me in his opinion DH didn't love me and he told me i deserved to be happy.

i confided in a church member, she didn't want to get involved really. no follow up.

i confided in our pastor!!! he advised to not be honest but to sin no more. but again, no follow up.

most others either responded with do what makes you happy (which is a joke considering how unhappy i was BECAUSE of what i was doing). of course no one knew the real details of how i was with many random men and in dangerous situations. maybe someone would of responded differently.

anyway, those are my current thoughts. not sure what to do with them. feedback always welcome

i didn't want to share all of that in Orchid's thread.

maybe this is where i have a flaw in me that i have to work on:

as i think about it, i think....

i believe that she, as all living things do, deserves to be treated kindly.

so i respect her right to be treated kindly.

not sure if that is the same as respecting her...

maybe i am confusing respect with like.

it's ok to not like someone, right?

still doesn't me i should not treat them kindly.

which is why i will never tell someone they are acting like an i...

well, unless i AM on friendly terms with the person, cuz they can take it better. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

i've been know to call a certain girlfriend a b*** but it's an inside joke that we BOTH laugh at.

therein lies the difference.

ok, enough reflecting for this morning. DS wants to go to McD for breakfast, something we rarely agree to do. DH just said if we give him 30 min to wake up, he will go with us. DH loves McD breakfast too. of course not as much as my breakfast but i only cook the "big breakfast" when we are at the vacation house which is where we normally are every weekend. but now that soccer is re-starting, we can't go till sat afternoons.

the place is only 1 hour from our house. so convienent!!!

have a great weekend and i still hope to get your (oor anyones) comments/thoughts on all this.

thanks.

FTR, FL Foreverhers has left and come back several times. It really had nothing to do with what happened. I think in some ways when things like that happen (the downward spiral in that thread)it allows a distraction from why you truly were posting. Does that make sense? I am not talking about just you, we all do that at times. It is easier to get upset/excited than to face whatever is bothering us. (((FL))) Hope you enjoyed bfast. Today is our anniversary and H is cleaning up the yard for me.

Hey FLT2H,

The board is definitely different than when I first joined. It’s very sad to see so much pain here (from BOTH sides). I always try to be positive in my posts without judging anyone, whether they’re a WS or a BS.

I used to want Mrs. RIF to come here and post, but given the actions of some of the BH’s here, I would NEVER subject her to that kind of vicious abuse. I’ve noticed that the most violent posters that attack WS like to use the phrase “that’s just my posting style” or “I’m only concerned with the BS” or “I want the M to succeed”, or other “catchy” phrases to hide their own pain and anger.

I’ve tried to use sarcasm and straightforward posts to confront this sort of action, but it has no effect, and to be honest, that’s OK. I just don’t know why anyone would take glee in hurting others here that are tying to rebuild their M. If someone is so wounded that they can’t see past their pain, then I wonder why they even bother posting here at all… The only reason that I can see (based on their posts) is to punish FWS that are tying to rebuild their M. It’s like they get some sort of kick out of bashing a WS for any little thing.

I remember your situation very well, and I still think it’s a shame that you received so little support from the people that SHOULD have supported you. I’m glad that you’re still around as you have always added a great perspective to BS & WS that are trying to rebuild their M.

As for what should you do? Don’t take the comments of a wounded BS to heart when they lash out. Just ignore them.

I’ve never been personally ‘attacked’ here on the boards, but if I ever am, I will just ignore them. I am secure in KNOWING that Mrs. RIF and I have rebuilt our M with God’s help and I don’t have to defend myself for anything that we’ve done along the way.

It’s not a requirement to “like” everyone here, but I would hope that we would all try to RESPECT everyone. The wounded BH’s that attack WS’s here definitely aren’t showing any respect with their venomous posts… their posts clearly indicate that they consider the WS status as a personal affront to them (reflecting the WS that’s posting to their own situation) and they feel that they have the RIGHT to lash out. Well, IMHO, that’s just not right.

Anyway, this is much longer than I intended it to be… I’ll get off my soap-box now.

Semper Fi,

RIF

Hey FF - Don't want to thread-jack...but...


<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />!!!!HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!!:D <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

FLT2H,

Happy anniversary to you and your husband; 21 years is just the beginning.

I have always gained perspective by reading of your travels, as your story reads similar to my wife’s. More than that, I offer you my sincere admiration in the work that you and your husband put forth to save something that I’m sure you once thought was not salvageable. He must be a very brave man. You must be very proud of him as I am sure he is of you.

You are an inspiration to all wayward spouses who are looking for hope. They only need to read your story to find it. I hope you continue to teach them that there is a way back, there is a way to gain forgiveness and to forgive yourself.

Let NO one cast doubt on your intentions. Keep your chin up and be proud, you deserve it.

Mr. G

P.S. That RIF guy is a pretty smart cookie in my book. I certainly don’t post to the level that many here do but one thing is painfully obvious to me; the number of posts is no indication of a poster’s level of intelligence, compassion or respect. I never served in the Marines but Semper Fi sure seems to fit.

Hey FLT2H - Hope you're having a great weekend getaway with your family... I replied to your post and it's on Page 2...

Semper Fi,

RIF

well i just spent probably an hour on a post that was just lost.

it was an imporant one too.

i have no energy left to re-do it.

well i'll do part of it although i doubt it will be as good.

LA, i didn't actually explain why i changed my post to you. i just didn't want to chance stirring up the pot again. i think the best thing is to become unphased. and if you ever find yourself in a situation where unphased would be the right response but you are having trouble being unphased, put a shout out to me, i'll remind you <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

keep in mind the moderator is also just a person, with their own opinions. they hold no special ability to know what is right or wrong, no more than you or I, they just know the password that allows them to change other people's posts.

FF, Happy (belated) Anniversary. hope it was a good one. and thanks for the info about FH, i didn't know that.

Mr.G, your post was incredibly kind and very much appreciated. thank you!!

RIF, I did see your response to me, thanks for making sure. Hey, did you noticed you were editted??? when i wrote about it the first time (in the post that was just lost), i laughed my head off about it. but then i went on to talk about something very sensitive and now i'm too drained to relive that laugh, oh well.

anyway, everything you said was wise and 100% correct.

now i'm not sure i can reconstruct the other stuff i wrote about but i think i'll try in a bit cuz i think it is important that i do.

FLTH,

It's a deal...I'll shout out to you when I become unphased.

Actually, I was phased. I wasn't reactive, though. I think you just handed me the words I was looking for. Empty your pockets!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

And I know you're gonna begin composing in your word processing software, then Ctrl-C, then Ctrl-V it to the thread you want to post to...after you refresh it for good measure...so you don't get timed out or lost...you just don't want to harm posterity, 'k?

You're words are worth it...your time...inclination...and when it still happens after you ensure reasonable precautions...look to God and smile...what I do...it's okay.

Lemme know if you want to look at recent events and see life patterns...maybe where you pedastalled DH (there's a flip side)...anything. I'll be there, 'k? Or the Villagers Thread...we don't choose to not feel what we feel...we choose different beliefs and they give us different feelings.

I look forward to your Anniversary getaway recap after you have. Thank you for sharing.

LA

LA,

you misunderstood.... let me try again, if you are under attack or you see someone else being attacked and you are unable to be unphased, shout out to me and i'll bop you on the head and say "DAAAAHHHH, why are you worrying about that???"

sorry, there is not much in my pockets.

i don't use word but i when i take a long time to finish a post i usually do a select all then a copy, then refresh the page, do a paste and finally submit.

well somehow i didn't do it right this past time.

yes, i'll have to do as you advise, look towards God and smile.

i'll try to reconstruct it in a bit. i really really wish it had not been lost, maybe it was a sign that i should not share what i was going to say....

anniversay is not re-scheduled yet but i'll let you know.

Cool!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> My First Edit by Justuss!!!!!

I see that he just took the name out, which is fine with me. I probably shouldn't have put any names in my post.

Semper Fi,

RIF

*** Edited to add***

It's obvious that I don't need to add any names as evidenced by the post directly below this one!
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />
Semper Fi,

RIF

*********************edit*********************

Hey FLT2H,

Hope you're doing well this morning and that you've remembered what you wanted to post...

Hey Justuss - I'm honored that you edited me! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I will refrain from directly naming people in the future...

As you can see between my two posts here, my assessment was right on target and it's not necessary to call these individuals out by name. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Semper Fi,

RIF

hi rif, it's not that i didn't remember, it just was kind of a draining post that was going to be hard to recreate.

yeah, it so cute how that person just couldn't help making a comment huh? NOT.

rif, i'm afraid i need your cheerleading today. i tried to talk to DH about something last night and it went rather poorly. i'm just bummed right now.