I think Bob msg, realistic acceptance, is really the one i have to focus on. this marriage is clearly not going to be one that operates with MB's concepts.
but that just stinks.
and yes, i'm stamping my foot like a little kid and saying "not fair!!"
Bob, doesn't it ever bug you?? what do you do when it does?
just wait for it to pass?
Acceptance of what IS is not giving up on improvement EVER. It just means you enjoy the journey, however fast or slow, far more.
I found that I was failing to live in the joy of perfectly acceptable days in my marriage because I yearned for "better" days. When I examined the facts of the days I was living in, life and my marriage was pretty good,considering.
I was overlooking huge blessings because they did not conform to the picture on the box lid of the jigsaw puzzle I was working on called "recovered marriage".
I did think for a while that if I appeared grateful or accepting of a mediocre marriage, Squid might consider me "recovered" and content with my lot and it would excuse her from further uncomfortable investment. Then I realized that was selfish nonsense, and I was appearing constantly dissatisfied with her efforts.
When I started just living in the days as they come, being grateful, kicking back a bit, Squid started to feel less insecure and happier.
And I started enjoying life more, and found room for my faith in God to grow amongst other things.
There are many improvements I'd like to see in my marriage, but I must admit that with the tools she has, Squid is trying hard. I'd like her with different tools, but she just doesn't have them, so I concentrate on her effort when I can.
Bear in mind that I have the "wrong " toolkit to meet Squids highest desire for me. She yearns for me to be "over" this, and never mention it again so we can just get back to being a loving husband and wife like it all never happened. You may laugh, but why are HER fervent hopes less valid than mine ?
So we're both 80% living in the joy and opportunities of each day, and 20% keeping a eye to opportunities to improve.
On the days when I feel like stamping my little foot, I give it to Christ. I can't deal with it so I hand it over to Him and walk on. Its a pretty good way to handle this mess.
That make any sense ?
