WW(27) and I(31) 'celebrated' our 3rd wedding anniversary on August 7. It wasn't much of a celebration though, I gave her a watch to wear with her fashonable work clothes and replace the old watch she had when we first met (which she says I -knew- since our son(3) was born any jewlery irritated her skin.. Admittedly I had thought she stopped wearing the old one because my son slobbered over it constantly as an infant). I received flowers and chocolates with a note that said: If I had to do it over I'd marry you all over again. You are my partner and my best friend.

For a few weeks at this point she had been staying late at work and even going in for a few hours some weekends to catch up on things with a coworker(very heavy case load as she works as a paralegal in a law office dealing with family law). She had been talking on the phone to her coworker (OM's mother) a lot, and had been taking it to other rooms in the house citing the noise level where the kids and I were at as the reason. Spent a couple weekends in a row at the coworkers house even. She even took our kids with her when she went. I didn't think anything of it, she'd never given me any reason to suspect anything was up, even telling me often about the people that hit on her and how absurd it was when she's got the rings on her finger, and we often laughed about it together.

Exactly one week after our anniversary she's storming around the house talking on the phone with her coworker friend acting extremely angry about things. I ask her what is wrong and she says she doesn't want to talk about it. This is pretty normal, but I pressed and it all came out. She hasn't been happy since we've been married. She feels like I ignore her and the kids, and can't deal with my mother or deal with how she perceives I treat my daughter different from hers. To explain, we have a yours, mine, and ours situation. My daughter is 12, hers 8, and our son 3.

After she lays all of this out, I try to start a dialogue about the problems and present calm logical thoughts.. I know there was panic in my voice as she kept saying the words 'I just can't do this anymore'.. and then the walls all went up, and it was just me talking... and talking.. and trying to get her to see that it was all stuff that we could correct... apparently I pushed her even farther away doing this.

Thursday, August 16 she informs me that she can't 'think' in the house with me and is taking the children to stay with her coworker (at this point I still don't know where her coworker lives). She says she's just going to 'think' and won't drag this out.. for the kids sake.

Every opportunity to talk to her I essentially spent pleading with her to come home so we could start working this out. I printed out all of the MB FAQ's and basic concepts and tried to get her to read it as a way forward for us to help put our marriage back on the right track. It was like throwing water at a wall, I don't think anything was getting through.

I checked the cell phone bill after some questionable comments she had made about 'text messages' on our bill, and discovered that she had been calling a strange number all week. I soon discovered that this number was the coworkers son (OM age 26). The calls were in the morning after I went to work and just before she started, or at night after she said that she had gone to bed early because she was tired and stressed out from work. There were 86 text messages starting the Monday before our fight all the way up until the Saturday she left to this same number. It was clear to me on Friday so I came home from work to confront her at lunch when she was to come let our dog out.

When I asked her about the number she lied and told me that it was the coworker's husband she was talking to in the mornings. Go figure... so I asked about the OM by name and she said 'Oh he's just a friend'... it's like these people have a script they read from.

By Monday I had her answer.. she left me a note when she had come home to let the dog out that she has spent her whole life being unhappy.. and the last few days away from me she has found happiness again, and cannot 'risk' being unhappy ever again. She wants a Divorce.. and we could talk on the phone about it that night and decide how we were going to do this amicably... for the kids sake.

We agreed on just about everything that we wanted of the marital assets (more like marital debt but anyhow) and that we would have joint custody of our mutual child. She would make up all the forms and give it to her lawyer to sign and it wouldn't cost us a fortune to get divorced. I even gave her the money to file.. I have no idea why I was acting like such an idiot to agree to all of it...

So two weeks after our anniversary where she said she would marry me all over again, we're filed for divorce.. she's living at the coworkers house and my kids are sharing a room with her coworkers kid and 5 dogs. It's been like this ever since.

I keep hearing more and more the kids talking about the coworkers son (OM) and how he's tucking them in at night and taking care of them while mommy is at work. He's moved out of his apartment and back in with mom and dad.. he stays in mommys room but its 'ok' because they have their pajamas on. It kills me that my kids aren't even immune to the lies..

I found out for sure when I dropped the kids off the first weekend and confronted the OM. Looked him in the eye and said to him that if he was going to be the man in my wife's life, and subsequently in my kids lives, that he had better be a 'MAN' in front of them. I shook his hand and wished him luck and turned to my wife and told her that had she told me about all of this sooner it would have been much easier to cope with. She still claimed that they were 'just friends when all of this started'.. I'm sure she'd really like for me to be able to believe that.. but I know that I'm dealing with nothing but lies and deceit now.

Still... I offer her at every turn the opportunity for forgiveness, and a desire to understand. Trying the plan A thing, trying to be calm and not plead with her over the phone but sometimes I lose that control and end up trying to convince her that things could be better (I know.. LB big time right?).

I exposed to her dad (divorced 5 times), her sister (very very Catholic now that shes in her 2nd marriage), her daughters grandparents (the grandfather is also our son's Godfather), and even to the coworker (OM's mother). As of yesterday I got a request from her lawyer to stop all contact with her 'family'.

I've exposed... and I've been offering her the opportunity to go with me and the kids when I have them.. and when she refuses we go have tons of fun without her anyway. I know that's all Plan A stuff right? I've offered her the opportunity for forgiveness and understanding.. and I know it's only been 3 weeks, but I feel like I'm running out of time as the divorce could be final as quickly as 40 days from now.

I need help.. I need ideas.. things that work. She's completely cold to me, and I'm losing hope that she will ever want to work things out and come back home.

I think I have a lot to offer.. I've been the only father figure in her daughters life for the last 3 years until now. In all respects except legally her little one considers me dad. I've been a good father to our son, worked so that she could stay home with him after he was born and not go back to a job she hated, kept supporting the family for the next 2 years while she went to school to get her legal secretary degree. Once she started working I bought us a house that isn't even a year old at this point. Everything she ever said she wanted I moved heaven and earth to try and provide. Thought I was showing my love for her in the every day ways like bringing home a good wage for the family.. cooking dinner.. dishes.. clean up the downstairs.. help the kids with their homework. All things I didn't want to do all the time, but it made our family work.. and I thought everything was fine. Even the message with the flowers on our anniversary suggested things were going great... and now this.

My head is spinning.. I don't think I'm completely in control of me.. but I do know the environment that I helped to create that weakened the marriage. Still, it was not my choice for her to choose him over our family.. and I won't take responsibility for that.

Please help.. any ideas.. any questions.. any suggestions, please. I'm growing desperate to hang on to hope and not embrace the anger and frustration I feel. But she just doesn't want to try anymore..

Please repost this in the General Questions II forum.

God, you are doing this all wrong. Where do I start. First off, you need to stop the D. Get with you attorney and stop everything you can. Secondly, expose her affair to all her family, friends, and everyone at the law office. Call up her coworker and let them know that this is not what you want, and they shouldn't be interfering in your marriage. Your WW is an addict, and is addicted to OM. You need to hit her with consequences. Drag out any divorce, and make it as painful for her as possible. You are at a distinct disadvantage because she works for a family law firm, but maybe you can get them off the case because of a conflict of interest. Don't take this laying down. If you don't want a divorce, don't go for it. Get a bulldog attorney and MAKE her move out of OM's house. If you file for legal separation or divorce under adultery, you can get an injunction that she doesn't seem OM. Get all her family to put pressure on her to end this affair. Make it all in the open so she has nowhere to hide from her behavior.