She left on 17 Feb to "find her space". No signs of reconciliation or divorce yet. Not even sure where she is now.<P>I have been very down since last week. Maybe the Paxil is taking awhile to kick in? Started it 15 July. I upped to 30 mg last Thursday. We'll see what happens.<P>Called her twice for the kids while we were gone. Didn't hear from her 'till las Sunday. We were at my Mom's house the last 2 weeks. She had called her Mom's house but we weren't there. My daughter showed up awhile later & they asked if she wanted to call her. She said no.<P>She has been working at my SIL's Dairy Queen. She was going to take off with a few friends for awhile. My SIL told her, "you can't just leave when you want to". She replied, "why not? My Mom did". <P>Spent a week in the Grand Tetons & 2 weeks with my Mom & visiting the Wife's family. I'll be putting up a few vacation pix in a day or two. We had a very good time. Yes, we did see two bears! Woohoo!<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A>

Chris<BR>This really sucks. Especially the part about your daughter's response. No matter how hard we try to do the right thing for the kids it isn't easy. It's really hard to always be there for them when you have your own pain.<BR>I guess they have work things out on their own to a point. You have been a great dad and I'm sure that your influence will be the strong one. <BR>When you are dealing with such trauma the antidepressants can take a while to really be noticable. Check with the doctor just to be sure though.

Sorry Chris .<P>It looks like your daughters are harboring some anger towards mom - that's not good but what can you do? My W feels the same way toward her father. He dumped them and basically didn't show up again until she was 23. You keep doing what you're doing with them and hopefully your relationship with your girls will grow stronger each day.<P>Glad you had a good time camping. Welcome back - you're presence has been missed.<P>SHA

Chris,<BR>I can't believe it's been that long already! I still remember crying as I read your post that she was leaving. Are you any closer to plan B? Remember you are still in my prayers.<BR>Kris

Chris,<BR>I know that this forum is to try to save marriages but please don't do what I did. Hang around and wait for her for years and still end up divorsed.<BR> For a long time now I get the impression that she called the shots, she is the one in control of everything and all you and your girls are doing is suffering in limbo. Chris you and your daughters health both physical and mental will just keep deteriorating until something happens. Really evaluate what you want, is this woman worth what is happening to your family? Possibly if you filed and got the ball rolling she would be forced to come back to some reality.<BR>I know you are alot stronger than I am but I am a wreck in practically every aspect of my life and I gave my W permission to do it. By not acting on things, letting her dictate, thinking that the person I married or rather the person I thought I married would return. All it got me was even less respect from her.<BR> I am sorry to say this but you are enabling her affair by taking care of business at home (and doing a great job of it I might add). This way she has no worries, she doesn't even have to consider your lives because she knows you will take her back anytime she comes running. Again this is all 20/20 hindsight on my part but please consider it....

ws & SHA,<BR>I know the girls are feeling something, but they have not shown anything yet. I'm there for them & I let them know it.<P>Kris,<BR>Good to hear from you again. Hope all is well with you.<P>Plan B? Don't know yet. I'm considering it, but it'll be difficult even though I only talk to her a few minutes a week already.<P>Thanks all.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A>

Chris - Sorry, just saw this!!<P>I don't know what to say to you, you've been so kind, helpful and instrumental in bringing me to the point of "self" that I'm at.......<P>This is so freaking hard!!!!! And to know how to help get the kids through it when you can't figure it out for yourself ---- ugh, I can't imagine!!<P>They really do say it like it is, don't they? Have the girl's had therapy or opened up at all? Have they said any of this to their Mom?<P>Are you questioning a Plan change? I know it's hard to hang in but is your love for her being too damaged and getting too lost? Maybe there's another way besides B to shake her up and move her towards letting you and the girls out of Limbo? Would your SIL tell your Wife what D said? Maybe she'll realize the depth of how many lives and how much her actions are effecting others.<P>I'm glad you're back and we missed you very much!!! We're all here for you and our thoughts and prayers go out to you.<P>Hugs and Strength,<P>Sheba<P>PS - Are your pix gonna have bear shots?

You posted as I did - ignore what you've already answered!!!!!!

She won't talk to her SIL because she really tells her like it is and she can't handle it. Even her Mom doesn't know what to say to her.<P>Didn't get any pix of the bears. One ran across the road as we were driving & the other was in the woods. Too dark for a good shot.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A>

Welcome back Chris.<P>My H finds my remembering his dates of betrayal very upsetting. He doesn't realize I don't even want to remember, but they seem burned in my brain. Of course, there are getting to be sooo many dates that I might start to forget some of them. (Wish there was a symbol for cat hissing.) <p>[This message has been edited by Lor (Lor) (edited August 17, 1999).]

Chris, glad you're back. And sorry that you have no good news with your situation. Its about 8 months for me, not counting the miserable months when H was here. So the update on me is.... it's over. I'm not waiting anymore, I'm not doing Plan anything. H has made is quite clear that he is not interested in coming home. And in a moment of what I hope was clarity, I realized I deserve better than this. The man I married is long gone. Maybe he someday will come back to his senses, but life is too short and too precious to hang around waiting. <BR><BR>He had told me to "remind" him to call Steve in mid-August which says to me, it's not a priority of his. As if it is only a favor. That coupled with the fact that he is still in very close contact with OW makes me give up.<BR><BR>So I guess the end of this chapter is very close.<BR><BR>I was at a funeral service today for an elderly man who was with his wife for 75 years. I cried and cried, thinking how wonderful life had been for them. The way his children and grandkids spoke of him was incredible. He valued his family above all. I want that. Maybe someday I will find someone who feels the same. Obviously H doesn't. It is months now since he has contacted our son. Well, it's his loss. <BR><BR>Take care of yourself and your girls.

(((chris)))

Chris -- I am sorry you are having to go through this. I can understand how you must be feeling.<P>I have sent you a couple of E-Mails before, if you want talk sometime write me. I may not be able to help, but I am willing to listen.<P>God Bless

Hi Chris,<BR> Welcome back , we missed you...and $%#&, your W's behavior is beyond comprehension...I cannot believe the pain one person can cause....it's unbelievable.Will you do more counseling with SteveH? ...how do you feel towards your W?, do you still want her back? Thank heavens those girls have you......Lu

Chris,<P>My H left 5 days after your wife did, and is still gone and pushing hard to speed up divorce. <P>I don't know how they can think that their example doesn't have a negative effect on the kids. My 13 year old son went to bed crying the other night, saying that he just wants to have a normal life.

AtW,<BR> <P>Yeah, I'll call Steve again sometime. Not too much i need right now except patience.<P>Lu,<BR>Do I still want her back? Good question. I have to say yes right now, but for how much longer I don't know.<P>Nellie,<BR>Yeah, she is setting a bad example, but there is no interaction, positive or negative between us. Just a phone call or 2 per week. She talks to the girls for about 15 minutes each & we talk for maybe 3 minutes about nitnoid stuff.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A>

Hey Chris<P>Glad to hear your vacation was nice; sad to hear there's no change with your wife. It's probably not the most popular advice, but I have to echo, somewhat, what mkn said. The longer these things go on, the more a person's well-being suffers. I can tell you that, if and when you decide you've had enough of the waiting and move on for yourself, things really do get a lot better. I can't begin to say how much better I feel having the "weight" removed and looking back I sometimes kick myself for not doing it sooner. Sure, there's still problems with the kids and the details are still being ironed out, but overall life is so much better than it had been in years. It's taking that first step that's the hardest.<P>Whatever you do, know that everything always turns out for the best. It's hard to see that when you're in the middle of it, but it's true. Take care...<P>------------------<BR>Bobbie<P><BR>

Hi Chris -<P>I just got "whacked" on RWD's post so I came over here to rest!!!!!! LOL And of course to check on you!!<P>How are ya, today!!!! <P>I meant to ask about the Dr's visit and what he said - I see here that he upped the Paxil.........<P>I am off from work for a whole week and will have the time to answer on my threads and catch up on what's going on around here.<P>And you know what - I might even have time to do my letter if I can find where I left it last!!!!! (it's been almost 3 weeks since I touched it!!) <P>Oh, thought you might want to know that I hired the shark lady!!!! YAY!!<BR>I have to call her Friday because by then she should have gotten all the stuff from my old lawyer. I feel a lot better about that part of all this mess, anyway!!!<P>Hugs and Strength,<P>Sheba