Better than that crap you get at the movies! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

*thinks**......nope still a Bears fan....I'll take Urlacher anyday... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

AMEN SIHW <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Glad to see you over here <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

For whatever reason today is a little rough. I'm not sure if it's anxiety over going to that house to pick up DS or not.

Heard from DSD's grandmother today.. apparently WW has been sending her emails.. jokes and such.. and asking for birthdates on that side of the family. I know WW has been talking to SIL more often too.. I think these are good things that she's reaching out again to people who do not support this decision. I could speculate on what that might mean, but it'd be pointless. Could just as easily mean that she's given it 'space' enough in her mind to try and be friendly with these people again.. reestablish a relationship etc.. and feel like there's enough space between our separation and now to not get hit with their opinion.. or.. maybe she's having second thoughts. Speculation is a path to madness.

Could just be the holidays too.. it always got her really family focused.

No word back yet on the email.. no expectation really, there wasn't a question in there. Course there wasn't a question in hers either.. but it was good to give an acknowledgement at least that I received it I think.. open communication right? Part of Plan A?

Maybe I'm anxious because she's got the day off.. I'm trying not to let myself wonder what that's about.. could be nothing.. could be something.. I keep thinking it's part of the process of her moving into the new house.. don't know... could speculate more, but what good would that do right?

I'm having problems abandoning speculation and expectations.. I'm trying though.. I really am. I've got to live my life, not focus so much on what she's doing.. stop looking over God's shoulder so much. Watching for signs of life over there is just going to breed resentment, because I'm giving energy to her, and my emotional devotion to me isn't getting it's fair share.

*sigh*

ups and downs on the rollercoaster I guess.. I really am looking forward to this weekend though, kind of excited about putting up the Christmas decorations... I know it will be trigger filled, but I think I'll manage. I only worry about the nights that I'm alone in the house with the tree sitting there.. the decorations in the house.. remembering when the house was brand new to us and our first Christmas there last year.. *sigh* I miss that.

Christmas is going to be -tough-..

Hang in there. Don't forget to ask if DSD is ready to go also. Be nice and then get the heck out of there. Don't stay longer than you have to.

And don't forget to breathe!

Movie popcorn is not crap, btw. Nothing clogs your arteries like movie popcorn...it is the best. With extra butter of course.

Ahhhhh... I'm home... without DS.


I called on my way into town from work, and she said that I couldn't pick him up yet.... because his shoes were in the dryer.


Here's the transcript as I recall.. tell me how I did in Plan A eh?

Her: Hello?

Me: Heya.. I'm just getting into town, should be about 10 minutes.

Her: Um.. well.. DS isn't going to be ready for a while.

Me: Huh?

Her: Well.. his shoes are in the dryer still. He uh.. peed on them.

Me: He peed on them?

Her: Yeah..

Me: Hehehe.. that little rascal... how long till they're done?

Her: Dryer says about 45 minutes.

Me: Ok.. no problem.. I'll uh.. you want to just call me when they're done?

Her: Yeah, I can do that.

Me: Ok... so hey, how'd you luck out with a Friday off?

Her: Had to go get a tooth pulled?

Me: Yeouch.. guess that wasn't so lucky then.

Her: Uh huh..

Me: Which tooth?

Her: It was the one Dr.XXX put the filling in when she should have capped it.

Me: Ahh.. yeah I remember you mentioning that you thought that filling was loose.

Her: Yeah.. went to XXXX this time.

Me: Are we covered there?

Her: Yeah.. they checked before they did the extraction, and I paid the rest.

Me: Ok.. well wow, you're doing alright though?

Her: Yeah.. I'll be ok.

Me: Soft foods for a few days and no chewing on that side right?

Her: Yeah.. they pretty much just told me to wash it out with salt water.

Me: Right right.. like last time with the wisdom teeth... gotta watch out for that dry socket.

Her: Well if I didn't get it last time while I was smoking I figure I ought to be ok this time.

Me: True enough..

Her: ....

Me: ....

Her: .....

Me: .... Well I'm pulling into the driveway and need to take care of the dog.. I'll see you here in a little bit ok?

Her: Ok...

Me: You alright? You sound down..

Her: Nono.. I'm ok..

Me: Alright.. I'll see you later.

Her: later..

*click*


Ok.. innocuous.. but DANG.. this is the best conversation we've had in MONTHS..

Ahhh... DS just went down for the nite. My little man is -such- a blessing. I miss him so much.


Ok.. for those that are curious as to how the visit to He11House went..

I got the call to go just after I finished making my previous entry, so I let the dog out and drove over.

Upon arrival I knocked on the door and CoWorker's Anger Management Challenged Husband answers.. I look him square in the eye and smiled "Hi there.." He just looks at me for a moment.. "You're here for DS?" I nod, still smiling. He opens the door the rest of the way and turns to go in "C'mon in.."

I step inside.. WW comes out of her bedroom, and I ask her how the mouth is she nods and says she's fine.. Actually she looks pretty good tonight.. dressing the way she used to dress with me, and looks kinda put together.. they're probably going 'out' tonight I figure. She goes back into the room and comes out with my DS in her arms, and he's crying. "What's wrong buddy?" I ask from across the room. WW looks at me and says "He fell off the bed again.. I just want to check him out before he goes." I nod and wait.

Out of the same bedroom comes Wonderboy, wearing that ever present uneasy look. As I stand there, I just look at him for a moment before looking to WW, "Is DSD here?" I ask.. "She's uh.. under grounding." I blink.. "What'd she do?" WW looks at me "She spit in CoWorker's 12 year old son's face." I nod "Ahh.. I see.."

I fold my arms as the afforementioned CoWorker's 12 year old comes in... straight up to me and gives me a hug?!??!? "What's up little man?" I say, returning the hug.. He looks up at me and says "Well.. I don't think the dog ate my turtle." "Huh? What do you mean?" I ask... puzzled. "Well I looked all over the back yard in the dog's.. you know.." I grin and nod "Hmm.. well maybe he's still around somewhere then."

Then WW hands me DS, and I notice that Wonderboy is on her hip.. I mean.. Mr. Insecurity is pretty much climbing up onto her back (she's about half a foot taller than he is).. staking his claim. I look at them for maybe 5 seconds before I realize I'm about to lose it and start laughing.. I look at DS's shirt which reads 'I still live with my parents'.. and resist with all my inner will not to ask Wonderboy if he has one to match it... but instead I pick up DS's bag, tell WW I'll see her on Sunday.. and head out.



AHhh... OH!!.. one last thing.. I drove past the house she supposedly bought first week in November.. there's still a for sale sign out front.. go figure eh?

Heh.. curiouser and curiouser.. but ultimately wanted to let everyone know I made it out of He11House intact.. and amused.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Jsmes

Loved the way you handled the exchange! And the part about the matching t-shirts and his height compared to her (so Wonderboy is vertically challenged and a cheater--what woman could resist?!?) LMAO!!!

Have a great weekend! Hugs to you and DS.

Smartie

Hehe.. thanks Smartie... honestly I can't talk too much, heightwise.. she's 3 inches taller than me.. and likes heels.

But yeah.. he's even shorter than my 5'8".. it's almost comical to see them.. wonder if people thought that about me.. oh well.

OH.. and I guess I forgot to mention.. Plan A'd the phone call I got from her to come get him to.. asked her just like I would have if she were home if she needed anything from the drug store.. or some pudding or yogurt since she has to eat soft stuff for the first day or two.. She of course said she didn't.. but I made the offer.. and it rolled off naturally..

I think I'm getting better at this Plan A from a distance stuff.. finding ways.

Sounds like you're getting better at the Plan A stuff from distance too. Some days I wish I'd had the stomach to stand strong in Plan A longer *sigh* I admire you and Skinsgal for hanging tough! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

On another note--so WW is a tall girl who seems to like shorter men? Hmmm...I'm tall too, but I've always liked men who were taller than me. Maybe when you went out with WW, people said you were like Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

People probably look at her and Wonderboy now and say "What's Nicole Kidman doing hangin out with Gary Coleman!" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I think the exchange went fine...although I do not understand why you are going in that house? That makes no sense to me at all.

But what you posted above James is what has me feeling that you are making a mistake. I do not think you are going to garner any respect from her by doing stuff like this. Just my 2 cents but all you should be doing is picking up/dropping off and worrying about custody.

For the life of me, I can't understand how you would even consider taking her back after what she has done to your children in all of this. But if you want to win her back, I would be more concerned with gaining her respect than enabling her bad behavior....and bringing food to her at her f-boys house is enabling bad behavior.

Just my opinion.

You're acting like a champ. Wonderschmuck feels threatened othewise why would he cling to your wife. I agree with MEDC don't bring food etc because that's an enabling activity. You're doing a great job because I would have taken both Wonderschmuck and the Co-worker apart.

Your strength is excellent. You're truly a man.

I just thought of someone who used 2 be here a long time ago and did something like this.

Sometime when you get time, do a search for old threads by lostva. Her H moved in with his OW, who was half his age, and lived with her for 6 months. lostva sort of plan a'd him the whole time, letting him come over when he started needing 2 for dinners and stuff (the OW's speed, as I recall, was stuff like Pop Tarts and bacon for breakfast, which earned her the nickname "PT"). It was hard, but lostva never lost her sense of humor about the ridiculousness of it, and they're long recovered now.

Not 2 get your hopes up, necessarily. Ac2ally, your account of the exchange sounded 2 me like you might be able 2 do something like that, is all.

So, what did they do when you laughed instead of losing it? Or did they think it was about something else?

-ol' 2long

Yeah.. she's 5'11", built like a model 1/2 Thai, 1/2 Dutch and is probably the most beautiful woman I've ever met. And she doesn't ruin it (well.. didn't used to) when she opens her mouth if you know what I mean.. Actually.. the height mismatch actually made other activities -perfect-.. KWIM? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />



I understand where you're coming from with this MEDC.. and perhaps I didn't score much on the respect scale, but in my mind and perhaps hers it did 2 things.. A) Showed care and concern for her. B) Put her first if I'm going to take time to make a side stop to pick up something to comfort her.

Also.. pretty tough to turn that around and make me look like the bad guy.. probably why Wonderschmuck was all over her.. bet he didn't have that first 'blush' thought to do something for her.



Yeah.. it was obvious that he felt like he had to stake his claim.. all is -definitely- not well there. She's probably thinking it's a little charming his jealousy.. for now. Eventually it'll disgust her. He's the one acting weak now.. I'm strong.



I don't think they saw just how amused I was.. I had to get out of there though, because the image was just too dang funny.. I kept it together while I was in the house.

As for lostva's situation.. I'll look it up Monday or so. I'm not too optimistic or getting my hopes up there.. but Plan A seems to be having an effect on her.. and I -know- it's working on me.. so I'm going to keep it up as long as I can. If it comes to where she's eating here.. that's great. I don't see it happening until she gets tired of the daily grind after moving into their new house... if they even get that far.

At this point I look at the 'gestures' I make to her as things she can look back on and see how I was to her during this ordeal.. maybe help me knock down the adversarial atmosphere a few notches and hopefully start getting to see DSD, and get more opportunities to engage WW without it being conflict all the time. Yesterday went -really- well in that regard.. it actually felt like we were chatting on the phone.. she was pleasant and actually nice to talk to.. and I think he was there at the time too.. at least he was when I arrived at the house. Could be another source of his insecurity.

I think you did great. Did sound like a humerous situation. Glad you restrained yourself. Be the bigger person (no pun intended...sort of). Interesting that the 12 year old gave you a hug. Sounds like Wonderboy is very threatened by you. Well, he should be!

I hope you have a great weekend with your DS and DD.

Jamesus:

Okay, found it:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...rue#Post3148665

-ol' 2long

Thanks 2long.. getting ready to take DS and DD to see High School Musical on Ice today.. thought I'd check in one more time before I left. I'll be back tonight.

WW went into work today to catch up on what she missed last night. Drove past there on the way home from breakfast. She called as we were leaving the place and I was -really- tempted to drop in on her, but didn't for a couple of reasons.. it's the enemy encampment/her law office.. and secondly, I did so well yesterday I didn't want to push.

Honestly.. I think it's a matter of her keeping me at arms length right now.. that's her comfort zone... as I pull back she keeps coming forward.. going to try to keep that dynamic going.

She left a phone message, asking to talk to DS but went on for a minute about how long she would be at the office, and to call the office number since she left her cell at 'home' etc..

I sort of feel like I missed an opportunity there, but then again.. probably best to keep my distance for now... I'd like to see how long this 'nice' dynamic keeps up.. it's been a couple days in a row.. usually she'll be nice one minute and mean the next. We'll see.. I think the Holidays might be getting to her.

I'm praying and giving thanks to God for each 'good' interaction.. and asking that He keeps working in our lives.

Jamesus:

I think you made the right choice. Who knows what's behind her recent behavior?

Keeping some distance is probably a good thing. Let her wonder why you're so cheerful, without giving her 2 much information.

-ol' 2long

J

In terms of the "other activities" *ahem* yes, I've heard of that benefit in the mismatch, so I do get your drift!

LOL!!!

Have a great weekend.

Smartie

Hi Smartiepants,

I'll talk to you later girl. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

SG