Why don't you know when the DV may be final?

James,

I don't know if you just read what Mimi just wrote.

I am really reading her words and trying to process it all through.

The crying and the "OLD FEELINGS" of shame and guilt. You know what I did, was go get down on my knees and ask G-d to help me.

I am a little better and calmer. I am asking G-d to help me accept WHATEVER HIS PLAN IS. Not what I want.

And to give me the tools to understand that the breakup of my M maybe for the bigger good and to come to terms and be at peace.

I'm just rambling, but I want you to know that I am reading and praying for you.

SG

Because we don't have a date yet..

The lawyers agreed on a mediator two weeks ago.. we don't even have a date for that yet.

No dates for trial etc.. anything like that have been set.

Thanks SG..

I too am praying.. asking God to take away the feelings of hopelessness and guilt.

So much I'd do differently now.. but the real question for me.. is would -she- have done things differently?

The answer is no.. she's continuing to choose this.

Okay, so what's the minimum time it might take in your state?

Are there still areas where you can stall? And, do you want 2?

-ol' 2long

Well. I imagine the custody eval will stall things out quite a bit..

Then there's the mediation process.. however long that actually takes.

Technically we're already past the 60 day 'cooling off' period.. so we -could- be divorced tomorrow.

I can drag my feet on it.. we can drag it out. I don't want to end up divorced.. but I'm not really sure there's any avoiding that at this point unless -she- turns around..

Dragging it out will involve dealing with the drama longer, of course.

But stalling might also get wonderphlegm fed up. Maybe he'll just go away.

Definitely stall for as long as you need 2 in order 2 get the best custody plan in place.

-ol' 2long

Also, it would seem unlikely that she could buy a house with wp while she's still married 2 you.

-ol' 2long

Oh the -house- thing..

Well.. it's still listed on the website of the real estate company that is selling it.. they're still taking appointments to see it.

I -don't- think she got the house she pretty much promised the judge she would have.. and she's -definiately- not moved into it by the end of the month (November).. here we are half way through December almost and she's still living in He11House..

I can deal with it dragging out.. I'm not the one in a rush to legitimize a new relationship..

Actually I think we're kind of holding on the custody eval until she's moved in to her new place.. though I may just pull the trigger on that one and let her deal with the evaluator coming in and seeing how much progress she's made in the 4 months she's been out of the house.. which is to say NONE

THAT was the smartest thing I have heard you say to date James!!!!!!!!!!

I agree. Why don't you do that? Have your lawyer do whatever it takes to get back in front of that judge and claim that your kids are in an unhealthy environment and should be in your care, in thier own HOME until such a time as your W is able to care for them in an appropriate environment.

I admire your Plan A efforts, but you should do whatever you can do to get custody of your kids.

Actually just spoke with my lawyer on the phone just a few minutes ago.

We're working on getting a custody eval.. now the catch is that the psychologist eval won't come to the house.. we do it all in their office.

But there's another group he's checking into that does the in home eval.. THAT is what I want.

Lawyer is calling them to see if they do it in our county.. he says the 2 times he's dealt with these people in the past.. he won once, and lost once.. but both times they went the direction of the father.. and he felt they -should- have.. he likes that they are thorough and they make well thought out recommendations.

I'm cool with that.. he also says they will talk to neighbors and extended family as well when looking to make their recommendations... could put me in pretty good shape provided I act quickly.

As far as mediation goes.. my lawyer is out of the office the last 2 weeks in December so it'll be after the first before they even get together to schedule anything.

Well now. . .getting all that done might be something worth stalling for, right? If you can get in home evals done, that factor in the thoughts of the inlaws, and the flat out obvious living arrangements, it would seem to be a slam dunk decision, right? Imagine what happens when you go to court for a D with those things in hand. . .

You have 2 plans going. Plan A for your M, and an all out legal assualt for the custody of your children. When those two conflict, the kids come first.

Good work Jamesus.

James,

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

BINGfreakin'GO!!!!


Good work!

-ol' 2long

WOW, That's awesome!! I certainly will be praying for you...

If there's one thing that I KNOW...the truth prevails...time and time again...even Eph525 can attest to that along with many others here!

I also know until it's said and done, you, my friend will not rest or have complete serenity...LOL...comes with the terrority...I was a mess wondering it I would get the boys with all of the lies that POWS told!!!

You like Football? Check my thread...interesting day today! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

God speed this next month!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hey Stivn,

I like football, will check the thread. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

SG

d'toe dat! (yooper proper) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Ok guys.. let's not get too ahead of ourselves.

Look.. here's what I know.. the house she said she was making an offer on November 5th is still on the market

Check.

She's still living with CoWorker and her family just like the day she moved out.. she's improved her living situation not a bit.

Check.

We now have a mediator in the case.. her lawyer was pushing for a mediation date and my lawyer said 'Not so fast'... and said we were getting a custody eval.

Check.

They couldn't agree on an evaluator.. having my lawyer look into this 'thorough' group he was turned on to by a judge in another county..

Check.

Got my witnesses ready to go.. neighbors, DSD's Grandfather (Who is also DS's Godfather), DD's mom (who saw DS out with Wonderboy's brother when he -should- have been in daycare), DS's daycare provider (current and one past when he was a baby who will testify that she frequently brought him near lunchtime unfed and with dirty diapers and no change of diapers in the bag.. old formula etc etc..), my mom... and MAYBE.. if things continue to deteriorate.. FIL.

Check f'n check.

Ok.. as for me.. I keep a pretty clean house... it's the MARITAL home and a place where DS is comfortable, has his OWN room, his OWN toys, and his friends to play with in the neighborhood.

Check.

I've been the 'provider' for his entire life.

Check.

I'm the one who cooked meals or bought dinner for his entire life... with maybe a handful of exceptions or when she'd buy dinner on Tuesdays on her way home from work (always KFC.. blech) because of DSD's gymnastics.

Check.

I -always- picked him up from daycare when we were married, and up until WW started working in town last December, I always took him to the current daycare as well. NOW.. Wonderboy is doing dropoff -and- pickup.. *barf*

Check.

DSD's grades and performance at school IMPROVED in 2nd grade when I was helping her with homework and self discipline where it came to school... NOW she's still doing pretty good, but almost FAILED spelling... which is the one subject that -requires- parental intervention at Grade 3..

Cheeeeeck.

I've got a log with an entry for just about -every- day they've been gone.. with some pretty nasty crud in there showing patterns of behavior.

Check.

Can pretty clearly show intent to alienate via historical patterns with DSD and her exH.. things which DSD's grandfater will testify to... The emotional abuse of alienating DSD from a man I can -easily- show that she had a very loving and beneficial relationship to... further showing her lack of concern and willingness to alienate the 'other' parent in the relationship.

Check.

I'm the one who can stay home from work/work from home without suffering any loss of income or work productivity in case the child needs to stay home sick from school or has a snow day.

Check.


I think the duckies are lined up pretty good folks..


Now.. WE DO NOT yet have an evaluator.. but lawyer is working on it.. hopefully we can get someone in before she finds a place and gets moved.. I think she's pretty much hosed if we can.. not counting my horses, chickens, or other barnyard animals.. but I'm feeling confident.

Lawyer wants the custody eval before we go into settlement.. he says it'll give us an idea where we stand on custody so we know where we need to apply leverage on her where we need to.

QUACK.

Oh.. did I mention we also have the option if this looks like it's going to trial to prove 3 counts of perjury against WW AND CoWorker?

QUACK!