good job James.

Oh, some smoke will shoot out of her ears and possibly she'll extrapolate your statement and accuse you of trying to dictate her comings and goings.

In which case you will respond with silence I hope.

Good not to get into that other namby-pamby "my wife is welcome but her boyfriend isn't" stuff. That's just wimpy and pedantic.

*gasp* Did I do something praiseworthy from MEDC?

Ok.. obviously I need to go home and put some ice on my head.. I must have hit it on something.


Just kidding... thanks for hangin in there MEDC and others.. I can be an a$$ sometimes.. but I will pull my weight up the mountain.

Another straight shooter.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Thanks GC.

And yes.. I've said my peace.. stated my position. If she chooses not to comply the next 'request' will come from my lawyer to hers.. if she still is not compliant we'll look into a court order to let him know he's not welcome. I don't think any furhter conversation between her and I on -that- matter is necessary.

What Graycloud said, especially about you responding any temper tantrums with SILENCE. Good going James!

Jamesus:

Might she do something similar 2 you regarding DSD? Like after you and your FIL show up at her show?

Be prepared.

-ol' 2long

Not sure 2long.. she might, I suppose.

I have no intention of being pushy about it, we're just going to be there to watch and support our little girl.

WW, I think has finally entered panic mode.

Without going into detail I have to assume she's come into some information today.. perhaps she received the Discovery documents I filled out a while back, but some of the additional information she is spouting is highly distorted and incorrect.. but are certainly paranoid.. bordering on delusional. Oh well.. a setback for sure in the marriage recovery process.. could all pretty much be cleared up with a phone call.. but I doubt she'll go that route... and I'm not dissuading her at this point. I have a feeling things are going to turn even uglier soon.

Uglier for the A? Or for you? Or for recovery?

-ol' 2long

Is there a D: All of the above?

Sure, you want a D? Here's an option D!

More precise: I guess I don't really understand what we're talking about. If you can't clarify, I'll understand.

Was this her response 2 your documents? Was it something she said in writing, or did you hear it from her or someone who heard it from her?

Lots of things that might seem bad for recovery aren't really. Things like WSs cratering and getting angry and stuff like that.

-ol' 2long

Well.. apparently she's under the belief that DSD's biological father and I are in cahoots to launch 2 simultanious custody suits against her.

DSD's biological father and I haven't spoken since he dropped the ball on all that a couple of months back. It was his last chance with me.. he actually had me convinced this was important to him.. but apparently it wasn't.. unless he's been up to something since then.

She had arranged for DSD's grandparents to have her for a few days after Christmas, and has now withdrawn that offer because she discovered DSD's grandfather was on my witness list.. and apparently thinks something's up with me and her ex... saying I'm going to lie to help him against her and other such nonsense.

I dunno.. maybe he filed a suit, but I'm not involved as far as I know.

You wouldn't HAVE to lie.

You're right Tyk.. nobody has to lie here.

The only one lying at this point is my wife.. and that's because she's told so many lies to this point that she has to -keep- lying or lose face with Wonderboy and family.

She's really found herself in a no win situation here.

Sorry I haven't had much input lately. Things have been bad here. I just got caught up. I really like MEDC's throw him off the balconey idea! I think you are doing great. Has your WW responded to your email yet? Hope you are having a good week.

Still praying for you.

James,

I applaud you for taking a stand. In the long run you'll respect yourself more which is bullet point numero uno.

Continue to maintain and set boundaries. Your wife will respect you more. Now you must enforce your boundaries and make sure tehre are severe punishments for those boundaries being crossed.

what are you going to do if your WW brings him around and defies your boundary that you just established. If you allow it then she'll ignore all of your boundaries. If you enforce it she'll respect you more.

You don't need to be nasty violent or angry. Just show action that shows a strong and firm position that this behavior will not be tolerated.

Throw Wonderboy off a balcony?

42nately, Jamesus isn't that dumb. He'd wind up in jail for assault, at best, murder at worst...

Taking stands is fine. Respecting himself is good.

Maintaining boundaries is good, also. Will his wife respect him for these things? Who knows? Maybe in the long run. Now? Probably not.

Enforcing his boundaries on another with a will of her own, and exercising that will from the Mothership, full of fog?

How do envision him meting out the "severe punishments" for crossing his boundaries? (she doesn't give a flying dogsh!t about his boundaries).

I would bet large sums of other people's cash (let's take medc's cash, as a for instance) that she WILL defy this particular "respect-earning" boundary requirement. At the soonest available oppor2nity. Heck, easy as cake: She doesn't even tell wonderboy about your email, so he drives your van 2 the next dropoff, like always, "blissfully unaware". How do you enforce the boundary then?

Throw him off a balcony and go 2 prison for it?


I'm dying 2 hear the details of how such a plan is enacted.

Holy Moly, mother of Cripes.

Jamesus, you're a smart man. You're doing a pretty good plan A, under ridiculously difficult circumstances.

Why not work with the experts. NOW, rather than at some point when you have 2 follow through with the drama crap your W is trying 2 bait you 2 play in2?

-ol' 2long

Actually, the response will be very simple.

I'll call my lawyer, and have -him- send a letter to her lawyer re-stating the request that he no longer comes to my house.

I don't have to give a reason why.. it's just a request. She isn't compelled by a court to reply.

But then I've got 2 text based transmissions to her with the request.. UNLIKE her request that I do not contact FIL and SIL (who on their own -CHOOSE- to contact me regularly) I can actually request a RO from the court against him.. has nothing to do with the court case.. but if he violates -that- 'request'.. then there's legal action to be taken.

If he comes to my house and then gets violent.. well.. there's another story.. but I don't plan to acknowledge his existance beyond this request.. let alone give the boy the beating he richly deserves.. He's an idiot, and a scumbag.. but ultimately he wouldn't be boinking my wife if -she- didn't choose to boink him back... my problem isn't with him really... even though he -is- my problem.. does that make any sense?

Oh.. and no, she hasn't responded to -my- email.. but I know she's received it and read it.

Ok.. well.. there was a response..

And... well, I failed you guys.. I didn't respond with silence. However I don't think I did badly..

here's the exchange

From her:


My reply:


To which she responded:


My response.. and my final word on the matter.. I PROMISE



I don't think I -got into it- with her.. I probably shouldn't have replied to the first one.. but figured it'd at least save me the trouble of her not complying.. I think I was pretty clear.

Just wanted to let you know that you are making sense and I'm glad that you have chose to request for WB not to come to your house...

Of course, this is not going to look good to WW but in time I think that it will be okay...

It's conflict avoidance on her part...of course, not wanting to own...she's no where close to that right now...

you on the other hand are doing great! Keep the straight and narrow, you'll be fine, one way or another!
Rin