Thank you all for looking in and for your prayers.. I really appreciate them.

Settle in with a latte' folks.. this is going to be a long one.

Well.. God's been a busy guy.. not sure what he's up to really, but it was certainly a day yesterday filled with activity.. if not positive results.

The majority of the day was spent with DD, DS, and I out shopping and taking a break to see Alvin and the Chipmunks (kids loved it.. and as a musician I thought it was an interesting satire of exploitation in the music industry)..

Inbetween shopping and going to dinner though I received a call from FIL.. I could tell on the phone he was upset, but he said he had something of mine. He told me that he had the Christmas Card he gave me at brunch on the 26th. I asked if I'd left it at SIL's house and he said no.. it was returned to him with DSD's unwrapped gifts and left on his front porch yesterday.. a note written at the bottom of the card he gave me that basically told him not to use me as a delivery service for DSD.

Now the interesting thing is she wrote the message on the -inside- of the card (which I now have once again).. On the front is two doves and the words 'Peace on Earth'.. the inside though has a single verse printed and the words Merry Christmas. All Dad wrote in there was DD, DS' and my names.. and at the bottom signed it: Love; Dad/Grandpa.. nothing inflammatory in what he wrote.. but here was the verse printed on the inside.. seemed innocent to me until I realized she -had- to have seen it when she wrote the note to her dad:

"I listen carefully to what God the LORD is saying, for he speaks peace to his people, his faithful ones. But let them not return to their foolish ways." Psalms 85:8(NLT)

Now I had -thought- I had stowed the card with DS's things, but apparently it was in the bag of presents I delivered to WW and DSD Wednesday night.. she had apparently let DSD unwrap them..and then took them away and returned them to her dad's porch sometime yesterday while he was at work.

I heard from Dad again later in the day that he went over to He11house to re-deliver the presents.. and got there before WW got home from work. Apparently he rang the bell and one of Wonderscumbag's brothers peeked out and called for him because there was a big scary guy outside (Dad and I share a bald head and a bit of an intimidating confidence and poise.. but we're both ol softies.. though Dad has ruminated about knocking WB's block off if he shows up at his house again.. heh.. love Dad). WB answered the door, and summoned CoWorker's Anger Management Challenged Husband (CAMCH) making it all 4 of the He11house boys in the living room to face up FIL. Dad asked if DSD was around and was told she was.. he said he had to go out to the car and get her presents.. when he came back.. WB was all the way across the room on the other side of a couch, with CAMCH standing inbetween him and Dad.. they called for DSD who was in her room.. and she came out and gave Dad a hug, exchanged ILY's and got her presents back. Dad told her with all the He11house boys standing there: 'DSD.. always remember that your family loves you, and we're always here for you.. James, DD, SIL, Me.. all of us love you and miss you very much, and we're here for you whenever you need us.. call us.' and then he turned around and left.

Meanwhile.. at some point during the day WW emailed me what her new address as of Dec 31 would be.. and I'm not sure why, but I felt lead to give her the following response (mind you this was before I had heard from Dad):


WW,

Congratulations on the house.

I'm sure you know that I, and many of us who know and care about you really wish that things hadn't come to this. I doubt I'll ever truly understand it, but as someone who loves you, I hope you've truly found the life, and happiness you want and have become the kind of person you wanted to be.

I'll always be here for you. If you or our kids need anything at all, just let me know.

Always in my heart and in my prayers,
James


Now.. that'd be about enough for one day right? WRONG!

WW called just after we had gotten home from dinner.. DS had sacked out in the car on the way home so I told her he was sleeping and asked her if she wanted me to wake him. She said no.. and I told her I'd have him call her after he had a chance to wake up.

I had to fight with him for about 20 minutes to agree to talk to her if I called her once he did wake up.. and even after he agreed he was reticent on the phone.. spent the first 3 minutes of a 4 minute conversation with her in silence, or trying to hand me the phone.. after a few minutes of him giving her 'yeah.. auhuh.. no..' he gave her his 'I love you bye' and hung up the phone.

She calls back about a minute later.

Me: Hello?

Her: Hi.. what's wrong with DS?

Me: Uh.. nothing, why?

Her: Well.. he just seemed weird.

Me: Nope.. he's fine.

Her: Auhuh.. why was he napping this late?

Me: Um.. probably because he was tired.. we've been running around all day.

Her: Did he have a nap this afternoon?

Me: Hah.. he hasn't taken a nap at home during the day in over a year.. you know that.

Her: Uh -NO-.. he -ALWAYS- takes a nap here.. and at daycare.

Me: Yes.. I know they make them take naps at daycare.. but unless I missed an entire year of his life, he hasn't taken one except when he was really worn out in about a year.

Her: Well I was just worried about him.

Me: Ok.. well I'd call you if something was wrong.

*long pause.. DS asks me for something and I get it for him.. and as I hand it to him.. casually talk to him*

Me: Mommy wants to know if you're ok.

DS: *looking at me like I have grown a second head* Uh yeah Dad.. I'm ok.

Me: You hear?

Her: Yeah.. you don't have to be like that.

Me: Well, I'd hate for you to worry.

Her: Auhuh (sarcasm)

*long pause*

Me: So you closed on the house?

Her: No.. we close on the 31st.. I told you that.

Me: Yeah.. was just wondering, the email seemed pretty certain.

Her: Yeah..

Me: Well congratulations then on the house.

*long pause.. I start messing around with DS*

Me (finally): So is there anything else?

Her: I was just worried about him.. I don't want his sleep schedule all messed up when he gets home.

Me: Hang on.. * I get up to go into the other room * Look.. when do you put him down.

Her: Every day in the afternoon.

Me: When?

Her: In the afternoon..

Me: When in the afternoon?

Her: Uh.. about noon, 1 o'clock..

Me: How long do you keep him down?

Her: I don't -keep- him down.. he gets up when he wants to.

Me: How long does he usually nap?

Her: Uh.. about half an hour.. hour.

Me: Ok.. I'll try putting him down tomorrow, but he's shown no interest in napping since he's been here.

Her: Ahuh..

*DS comes in and asks for a drink.. tall glass.. I tell him it'll have to be a short one because bedtime is coming up soon*

Her: Well I'll let you get back to spending time with DS.

Me: Ok thanks.. bye *end*

All in all.. an 8 minute conversation of weirdness.. you know, if she was so worried about what happens here she ought to be home working on raising our children -with- me.. Much less treating her daughter like sh1t all the while trying to insult/hurt the people who care about her.. and then calling like she's mother of the frickin year..

Aggrivating as heck.

I couldn't help but feel in some of those long pauses like she wanted to talk talk.. but just couldn't bring herself to.. I -feel- that there's been some softening going on there.. but there's no way to be sure.. I won't dwell on it. Dad and I both think her getting the house is going to speed the demise of the A.. as it loses -all- of its support system.. even if CoWorker is just a few houses down.. she'll start to see WW's true domestic and parenting skills.

I'm cool though.. just hanging out and taking care of the kids. Just got out of the shower with DS and promised I'd let him finish watching one of his favorite shows before we head out for the day.. not sure what today will hold but we'll probably take down the Christmas decorations and bring his new train table/set down from his room so he can have it downstairs..

OH!! We also named stars after DS and DD tonight.. should hit the International Star Registery <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.. how cool is that?

I told DS about something Father said a few Sunday's back.. about how nothing is impossible.. and we are like grains of sand to the one who calls the stars out each night by their name. I told DS that now God would be calling -his- star out using his name each night.. something DS thinks is uber-cool.. should have seen his face when the realization that God knows him so well among all his people.. and that God would be calling his name each night as he hung the stars in the sky..

Father also said something at the Midnight Mass that has stuck with me.. along with the verses telling us that we must -believe- in what we pray for as if we have already received it.. he told us that Amen essentially meant 'I believe'.. and that we should mean it when we say it.

God's at work.. not sure what he's up to exactly.. but I know He is fighting to save my wife, to protect me, and to protect our children.. I know His plan is a better one than mine. I know that He hates divorce and what it does to His family, His church, His community.. I cannot know the ways of God, for they are not my own.. only He has the full picture and knows the perfect timing for his will to be done.

But I say Amen.

And I mean it.

And I say Amen too.

I am so there looking up to the star's and smiling at then for you and your children.

How are you doing today?

James,

Sounds like there is conflict within your WS right now.

First, though, what a ROTTEN, HORRIBLE thing for her to let DSD SEE, let alone UNWRAP those gifts from her Grandfather and then RETURN them that way!

What kind of mother does that??

Those gifts had NOTHING to do with the 2 of you, other than the delivery method. I really really want to take the silver shovel to her for that!

The problem is that she IS HEARING the message from everyone, including God. She is just MAD about it because she knows she is wrong and doesn't want to admit it.

The entire phone conversation and 'nap issue' was just her trying to pick a fight with you. You handled it well.

She's just wondering why everyone isn't jumping up and down with joy over her FABULOUS new life. Well, she already knows why not. And, it's likely not really FABULOUS, and she knows that better than anyone. The more she tries to point out to everyone how 'happy' she is, the more likely the opposite is true.

We'll see IF the closing really goes through.

Your FIL is a gem, BTW. So glad to hear the story of him standing up to the monsters over at He77house. The message to DSD was PERFECT. Poor baby girl!

Keep the faith!!

James...is she buying the house with her OM?

I am sorry you are having to go through all of this James.

and ditto about your FIL...good man there.

I have no doubt that the closing is on.. this time when I checked the Relator's website the house wasn't on there anymore.. I've got a little anxiety on it.. it's a step that can't just be 'taken back' once she goes through with it.. but then again I've said from the beginning that once she gets out of CoWorker's house things will probably start falling apart in fairly short order...

As for who, if anyone she's going in on the house with.. I have no idea, but to be honest I can't imagine -anyone- bankrolling her with her credit the way it is.. and if they did.. gosh I don't even want to think of the points on that loan.. or if it's a balloon payment etc.. arg.. that's just nuts. I'm honestly not at all clued in on how the heck she actually got the 120 large for that house.

As for today, DS, DD and I spent the day playing games, doing puzzles, watching movies, and staying dry.. it was raining and cold outside all day so we didn't much venture out.

WW called about 5:27 and spent less than a minute on the phone with DS before he did his 'Love you bye' and hung up on her... no callback tonight.

Talked to DSD's grandparents.. apparently they aren't coming this weekend, but might be in town for MLK weekend... we'll see how that works out. I honestly don't know what's worse.. cutting DSD off from all her family over Christmas.. or returning those gifts.. at least Dad did his thing last night and she got them.. but man.. I have -no- idea what's going through her head..

I think I'm going to step back again.. not totally dark, but getting into the shadows a bit.. I've reached out with the email yesterday.. not going to keep harping on it.

Made sure DS took a nap this afternoon.. but he woke up crying.. He said he didn't know why he was so sad.. but he sat in my arms crying for almost 20 minutes saying over and over again 'I want my daddy.. I want my daddy..' I was a mess by the end of it and just kept holding him close and calmly telling him 'I'm here.. I'm right here.. I'll always be here for you.. Daddy's right here.'.... I had to go to mom's so I could step outside her house for about 10 minutes just to get my head back together.. he's almost 4, so I know he doesn't really understand.. can't possibly understand why mommy and daddy aren't together.. heck I'm 31 and -I- don't get it.. but it's how he copes.. third time he's done like this with me.. and I just try to let him get it out, let him express himself, and just try to be there for him.

I just get so mad at her for putting him through this.. And the worst part? Even if I told her about these episodes.. it would accomplish nothing.. *sigh* Ups and downs again today.. but we're ending on a good note.. DS cuddled with me until he fell asleep tonight.. he's such a precious little guy.. so special and wonderful, he's got such a pure spirit and soul.. how anyone could hurt him like this.. especially his own mom.. I haven't been praying for me today.. it's the same prayer.. but it's for DS.. he deserves so much better than this.

Wanted to add this before I went to bed for the night.. for those that may stop in.

"I, the LORD, have called you in righteousness; I will take hold of your hand. I will keep you and will make you to be a covenant for the people and a light for the Gentiles, to open eyes that are blind, to free captives from prison and to release from the dungeon those who sit in darkness. "I am the LORD; that is my name! I will not give my glory to another or my praise to idols. See, the former things have taken place, and new things I declare; before they spring into being I announce them to you."
Isaiah 42:6-9


Also.. mom got me a daily devotional book based on praying scripture.. here was today's:

The thought of the future of the unredeemed should make us shiver. We should pray for all to repent.

According to Your Word, the god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, the image of God (2 Cor. 4:4). Your Word also says that only in Christ is the veil removed(2 Cor 3:14). Please cause my lost loved ones to turn to You so that the veil will be taken away (2 Cor. 3:16).
Lord, I thank You for the assurance that my enemy and accuser is a defeated foe. He will be judged for all his deception, wickedness, perversion, and lust to see people lost and tormented. The devil, who has deceived so many, will be thrown into the lake of burning sulfur where he will be tormented day and night forever and ever (Rev 20:10).

This led me to look at 2 Cor.. and I found 2 Cor 7, and prayed this for my wife:

"Since we have these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from every defilement of flesh and spirit, making holiness perfect in the fear of God.
Make room for us; we have not wronged anyone, or ruined anyone, or taken advantage of anyone. I do not say this in condemnation, for I have already said that you are in our hearts, that we may die together and live together. I have great confidence in you, I have great pride in you; I am filled with encouragement, I am overflowing with joy all the more because of all our affliction." (2 Cor 7:1-4)

Amen.

You walk with G-d is amazing. How G-d puts those that we need to read in our face at the right time is him doing work in our lives.

You and I will be ok one day, and remember, he will turn this into something good. We just don't know it yet.

I am so praying for you, your kids and your WW. Our walk of FAITH is so hard and I believe in what you are doing, just like everyone else.

G-d needs us James for something bigger than we can imagine. Keep trusting what you are doing to help you walk through this.

Skins

James:

IF she was SO HAPPY, she wouldn't be broadcasting to you that she is moving.

SHE would just DO IT.

You would get the address change postcard.

She is telegraphing to you that something is happening, that she really doesn't want to have happen.

"James, look what's happening, can you do something about it?"

The fact that the listing is no longer on the realtor site means nothing. The listing could have expired, or the seller re-listed with another agent. Most times, IF the realtor has a good contract, they post "Sale pending" or something like that. But they do not De-list the property until its sold or the listing expires. Call the realtor. You might get some interesting info.

CAN she even sign a mortgage without you signing off in some way or form? Please note, these are legal issues. Could WB's parents be signing the note. Makes it easier for W to get OUT in that case.

Just thoughts.

Your interactions with your son sound wonderful. Keep it up. Stay the rock.

LG

So if she's telegraphing.. and the closing is on Monday.. I've got 2 days to do something about it? What should I do?

I sent in the email a reminder to her that I, and her family, and DSD's family don't want to see this happen.. she -knows- this.. I don't think there's a whole lot more I can do to put the brakes on it..

She was -supposed- to have closed on the house the beginning of November.. it's taken this long, and I don't know why..

I don't think the listing expired.. the only place I found the listing to begin with was on the site of the Realtor that was selling the property.

I'm not sure what the legalities of her signing on a new mortgage is.. or what my options would be as far as my rights to the property since she's purchasing it while we're still married.

I'm not going to anguish too much over it though.. I -honestly- feel that the sooner she gets out of CoWorker's house the sooner this A is going to come to a head and come to an end... though I'm not sure how I feel about WW and WB having a little love shack.. house looks like it needs a lot of work though... I certainly wouldn't have made that investment.. but to WW it's location location location... 2 doors down from He11House

James,


LG is right (as usual). As a married person, YOU have interest in any real estate she would purchase, unless you sign away that interest. In other words, she can't close without you either signing on the dotted line at the closing as haven given up the interest OR signing as a party to the purchase/debt.

I can't believe I didn't think of this, as it is EXACTLY what happened to me when I tried to buy my house. Drac REFUSED to sign to allow me to purchase.

Call your attorney today and leave a message for first thing Monday to discuss.

Good catch LG!! Thank goodness you are around!

James:

My bad. I thought it was closing Jan 31, not Dec 31.

Your letting her live her choices.

She DOES seem hesitant.

When she moves, it will make the Two of them have to rely on themselves. But there is always going to be that extra "support" there from WB's family. Strings like that have a tendency to turn to ropes eventually.

Just a thought.

Next, decide where you want to be. Plan A, Plan B, or Plan D. I think in this case, you might want to be in Plan A for a While. You have your DS as one tie, and then you have what WSB has to offer. It will be very easy for her to leave WSB and return to you if the going gets tough. And you will be a constant thorn in the side of thier so-called relationship until the D is final.

Bu then again, this would then be her third failed relationship in less than 10 years. NOT a great track record.

Just a thought.

LG

Bugs:

You jumped in before my reply! Good Morning!

However... If Jamesus was required to sign something, he would have had to do it by now. Since the closing is the 31st.

I think the parents bought the house. Case closed.

But I still think the strings attached will turn to ROPES.

LG

Maybe I'm just slow on the uptake this morning LG.. what do you mean the strings attached will turn to ropes?

I agree. I'd bet they bought it to use as a rental "just in case."

Well PM.. that's an interesting idea, as that's what I was considering doing with the property in the event that WW did actually buy the house and then ended up coming home and we were stuck with it.

I'd rent it out until the housing market improved..

Problem is.. the house needs a -lot- of work.

The house is over 50 years old and the septic system has NEVER been flushed out.

The roof looks like crap.. it's not totally uneven but it still will need to be replaced.

The brick work around the top of the chimney is shoddy at best.

There's water lines around the bottom of the house where it's flooded.. so I imagine there's probably mold/mildew problems either now or in the future.

Real bad invenstment all the way around.. plus it's right off a high traffic county road.. not a safe place to be sending the kids out to play.

James,

Remember, for NOW, this is not your problem. As my Mom so often reminds me, "Worry about crossing that bridge if/when you come to it".

Try to think of it this way,,,,,envision her in that house with it falling down around her - Just like the R with WonderScumBag will do the same.

Really, , , think of the pressure of all of the things that need to be done to that place. PLUS, LG is right. If the parents have bought the house, it comes with Strings Attached. Those strings put a lot of Power AND a lot of Pressure on her and the R. Not a good combination for a wonderful Affairland love nest.

Wow. Talk about timing. I'd be on the horn to the attorney getting that in-home review set up for say... the 2nd week of January?

You all are wise thinkers.

A old breaking down house can't be very romantic at all, can it? Not if it's cold, stinky, and has resonsiblity attached to it.