Well.. all this is good speculation, but I'm not sure how much of it we can really put into practice. I'll be talking to my lawyer on the 2nd to see where we're at on the custody eval.. I'll fill him in on what's been going on over the holidays and such.. it's all been a lot to take in.

We had another big day today, spent most of the day out and about, and DS is tired, so may end up going to bed a little early. DD is staying with a friend of hers' tonight so it's just the guys (me, DS, and the dog). No news really, WW called earlier in the day to talk to DS and ended up spending less than a minute on the phone with him again before he hung up.

There's so much I want to say to her.. to try and put an end to this madness before it goes too far. I suppose though in the long run the house doesn't change anything except the fact that they won't have CoWorker and family to lean on all the time.. but I also think it kinda 'normalizes' the A.. I'd like to think all this pressure will now be on her, but I have nothing to do with that, no control over that at all.. It just makes no sense to do this.. she's already got a home, fully furnished, where her kids feel safe and loved, where she's got a man who has done everything short of moving mountains to make her happy, and who still loves her for -who- she is.. or at least who she was..

This is insanity..

Well.. going to enjoy my last night and day with DS.. so I may not be in too much until Monday.. but I'm sure it'll be more of the rollercoaster.. I'm strapped in tight and praying for the ride to end soon.

Keep G-d close and you will be totally safe and warm.

It is insanity. Step #2 in AA - Came to believe that a power greater than ourself could restore us to sanity.

G-d is watching over you and when you hurt he hurts for you.

Enjoy the moments because that's what life is about, making moments and impacting lives.

Your FAITH and WALK impacts me and gives me the strength to keep going on. Not to mention those scriptures.

Go Colts and for sure Go Skins.

B

Hey, James, Glad to see you're having good quality time with DS! I'm concerned about the house situation.
Your furnished house, have you changed the locks on it?
Does she have furniture for her new house? Are you concerned she might come for your furnishings?

You wondered about her financing the house. Do you think the whole fam damily is going to up and all move in the the new house?If she doesn't hit you up for furniture, this may be the case. some points to consider. Hey, Have a Happy New Year

GF

It's my son hurting that bothers me SG.. I know you can relate... I'm still haunted by his episode yesterday.. completely inconsolable in my arms saying that he wanted me when I'm right there.. I know he doesn't understand it but he -feels- separated from me even though I'm right there.. this is not something -any- 3 year old should have to go through.. it's so senseless... my pain is not important when he is the one suffering this way.

GF.. Yep, locks are changed on my house.. they got changed the night she told me she wanted a D.

I doubt the entire family will move there.. but his family is only 2-3 doors down.. they may as well all be living together. She can hit me up for whatever she wants.. at this point my answer is that it'll all be decided in the property settlement, if she wants something, ask for it then.. she's had enough time/opportunity to ask for whatever she wanted from the house.

Great, just being sure your are being taken care of. I'm a fellow Hoosier about an hour west of you. So you and I are kindred spirits of sorts.Us peeps have to stick together.
So, do you have to lock your car doors during zuchini season? I do!!! GF

I will say this...not to unduly alarm you James...but I think, based on your sons reaction yesterday, you need to find a way(IMHO) to talk to him about "good touch, bad touch" and ask him if anyone...anyone...has touched him in a bad way. It most likely did not happen...but I will tell you that the concern is real.

childhelp.org will provide you some pointers.

You have expressed some things that have my senses on full alert. Your son has been standoffish with the OM...and if I remember correctly, he has also resisted hugs from that man.

Better safe than sorry James. If your son expresses anything that he has been touched ...DO NOT LET HIM GO BACK THERE...and call the police and a child psychologist.

I am sorry for throwing up the warning flags here...but something is not sitting right with me.

Medc is right..don't dismiss interactions with the teenage boys in the home, either!! GF

I'm keeping a weather eye out guys.. don't think it hasn't crossed my mind.. ESPECIALLY with DSD spending so much time alone with the 4 He11house boys.. and that she's been cut off from all family.. the warning flags are up, and I'm keeping a sharp eye out. Thank you for the concern.. it's also been echoed by others.

I'm doing my best here guys.. trying not to jump to conclusions and look like the crazy paranoid parent.. but I am also concerned.

Thanks for the website MEDC.. It's now in my 'favorites' list..

Honestly though I believe DS is really just starting to go through the Depression stage of grieving.. and is acutely feeling a separation from all that he has known in his life, and the inconsistency of a caregiver who was always -the- constant in his world.. it'd be confusing for anyone, let alone a child who isn't yet fully able to express such overwhelming emotions other than to cry... I think the best I can do is just be there for him and hold him close, and reassure him that I will always be here.. his dad isn't going anywhere.

Hour west of me eh? Sounds about right for my old College stomping grounds!

Probableeee, ya know folks still have Larry's photos hangin up in their places of business, prolly their only claim to fame around here...go figure

Oh, Oh, I forgot, they also invented the "Coca Cola Bottle" here, , oh did I mention giant zuchini? And the women around here...if they ain't givin you zuchini, they are presenting you with z <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />uchini bread hand over fist...I've had as many as 3 loaves in a day, and I will put my foot down this summer cause I have done put the Plan b out on my refrigerator till I can shed many unwanted pounds!

Hehe.. sounds like you've got your priorities right. Haven't had much experience with Zuchini in my 31 years in these parts.. but I'll be sure to keep an eye out.

Yesterday was kind of a down day. I tried my best to keep my spirits up, playing games, going to a movie with DS, reading, puzzles etc.. it actually seemed pretty normal, except we had the 'exchange' looming at 7:00 last night.

The exchange.. well, I'd have to say it was uneventful, but there was a LV..

She pulled into the driveway yesterday.. WSB wasn't with her.. now either she's doing as I asked her to.. or something was up and he couldn't come with her.. blah blah blah.. we'll see.. but as we did the exchange, she kinda paused in the door like she wanted to say something.. and I held her gaze.. probably not for more than a few seconds but there was still something there.. I didn't push it more than to ask if she was ok, and I gave her a smile as she turned to go.


It was a different kind of exchange.. first time in 3 months she hasn't brought anyone with her to pick up DS.. I'm sure I could read a lot into it.. but I'm going to try not to.. I think I communicated my 'truth' in catching her eyes.

It's a very LV.. but I'll take it... we'll see if it continues.

Another LV today..

WW emailed.. the house closing got postponed, no new date yet.. the house is once again listed on the realtor's website..

Confusion ensues for James.

I feel God at work here.. but it's hard to say what He's up to.

Getting ready to head out with friends tonight, should be fun, and no worries.. I'm not going to drink more than a couple <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

That's great.

We don't get to see what G-d is doing until the end, do we? Darn, I ALWAYS was one to go to the end of the book and read the finish.

James, I have a feeling that G-d is ALWAYS at work, we just don't stop and listening and look. When I walk outside and see the sun and then drive and can finally see my Mtn. standing in her glory, I am reminded just how G-d is always at work.

Happy New Year may we be closer each day to realizing the good that G-d has planned for us and everyone else on here.

Glad you had such a good time over Christmas with your kids. Have a great New Years!!!!!!

Hey all.. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

I'm back home finally, ended up staying with an old friend. We went to a place where his GF works as a waitress and sat at the bar all night. Real nice Irish Pub atmosphere.. I didn't even drink enough to embarrass myself behind the mic.

As I sat there at the bar though, nursing my Glennfiddich and watching the ball drop.. my thoughts turned as I figured they would, to my family. I prayed in that moment that God brings us his blessings in 2008.

It was a difficult night, and one I would have much rather spent with the woman I love in my arms, and our children lying on the couch around us. It's a 'Should have been' that I'm probably going to hang on to a little bit today.. but I promise everyone I'll let go of it and get back to 'What Is' soon enough.

I'm still puzzled about the house closing.. this is now the 3rd time it's been cancelled or postponed. I really just want to tell her 'Hey.. you do realize that you've already got a home, a man who loves you, who is a father and dad to your kids.. who truly wants you to be happy.. right?'

I'm reasonably sure it wouldn't be well received about now.

*sigh* New years... a new start.. for me it's a solo start, but I've always been pretty good at looking after me. I like to think I do pretty good looking out for my kids too.. and as much as I want to try to protect her from this insanity.. I realize I can no longer look out for my wife.. she's going to have to do this on her own and suffer the consequences.

I do love her and DSD though.. and I hate so much to see my loved ones suffering. Guess this is the whole 'love must be tough' bit..

May God take us all by the hand and walk us along the path that leads to His glory.

Amen to that.

Happy New Year

Well.. just got off the phone with DS and then WW.

DS seems to be doing pretty good.. though I'm a little uncomfortable that a 3 year old is going out with CAMCH riding a 3 wheeler in this weather.

Asked WW if DS would be at daycare tomorrow, and she asked why. I told her 'Well.. it's Wednesday' and she said that it was her half of the winter break... now I'm no legal eagle, but here's what the parenting time guidelines say about Christmas..


B. Christmas Vacation.



One-half of the period which will begin at 8:00 P.M. on the evening the child is released from school and continues to December 30 at 7:00 P.M. If the parents cannot agree on the division of this period, the custodial parent shall have the first half in even-numbered years. In those years when Christmas does not fall in a parent’s week, that parent shall have the child from Noon to 9:00 P.M. on Christmas Day. The winter vacation period shall apply to pre-school children and shall be determined by the vacation period of the public grade school in the custodial parent’s school district.


Plus.. I should have had him over New Years (my mistake for not checking that too.. New Years states for Even Years I have the following for New Years:

In years ending with an even number, the non-custodial parent shall exercise the following parenting time:



[1] New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day. (The date of the new year will determine odd or even year). From December 30th at 7:00 P.M to 7:00 P.M. of the evening before school resumes.


I think a call to my lawyer is due tomorrow.. technically it looks like I should have him until school resumes on the 7th.. hmmmmmmmm

Divorce is awful. No fault divorce is an insult and an absurdity. Shared custody no less so.

A postponed closing! So unsurprising. And yet it may be signifier of nothing.

Though I hope you have consulted with your attorney about this. Closing on a mortgage while in the middle of a divorce seems to me an impossible thing. Sure, family court judges will often use enough common sense as to the division of assets and the date of their separation, but regardless, what would be your liability if say your WW was hit by a bus and killed after a closing but before a divorce? Would not her debts become yours?

I suppose it's likely there are some "temporary restraining provisions" and such that protect you, but I'd make sure.

You did one regrettable thing. You said "congratulations" in reference to her closing. I can't imagine why. Surely she did not consider your congratulations to be sincere as surely they were not.

This is one of the most honest statements I have heard in a long time.

And maybe if there were less no fault divorce states, there would be way less divorces.