I wake up with a feeling that my WH is not going to work this morning. Its 7:45am but I'm too lazy to drive to his job. 10am I pray for my feelings of him not being at work to go away (giving him the benefit of a doubt--silly BS). I pray and pray and pray. 11:30am its still on my mind. I can't take it. I pack the kids up and we go looking for daddy. Go by the job....his truck isnt there....But do you think I thought for one 2nd that he was with her....NO he couldnt be -silly BS.....I go to site B, where he jobs makes him work on rare occasions....not there. Hmmmm mabye he's in training I think----Silly BS....I go by his moms. Maybe my WH is at work but he let his mom borrow the truck which he does sometimes (however, I usually always know about it first) silly BS. Hmmmmmm? Not there???? Where could he be??? Oh NO!! NO NO NO he wouldnt do this to me again....silly BS. I go over there and YES his truck is at OW's house....not parked in front of her house....he parked somewhere close....WOOW! What do I do now.

I decide to go get my man, but I can't get him now because I look like sh*t and I dont want OW to see me this way....didnt get all dressed up because I thought just maybe his truck would be at work and we (the kids and I) could go back home. Half way Im crying and getting angrier (did i spell that right)....I go pick up MIL....and we go back to the B*tch's house.....MIL knocks on the door cuz im so made...no telling what would happen. He came on out. Got in the car....and from there it was the worst day. It got physical and I'm not a violent person, he makes me violent. He's bleeding and my wrist and rib cage is sore from his retaliation.

He claims this is the first time he's seen her face to face since he's been working on the M. He still wants to be friends with her and no they didnt have sex, and he still wants his M but NC is hard.

But my question is.....Why, why do I continue to let him hurt me this way. Why does God keep giving me strenght to endure this trial so that I can be hurt again and again....I've been praying and praying (POPW) and its hard to see that anything is happening....Why do I deserve this? And whether I deserve it or not...its happening to me. Im sorry, I guess I sound selfish, huh.....like I'm the only one going through this.....H3ll WE are all going through it. Sorry If I sound like I'm feeling sorry for myself. I'm sorry that any of us have to be here....it was a bad day today but SILLY BS, do you think I packed up and left....nooooooo I like this abuse. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

The WS often has a hard time going NC with the OW, and this is the worst pain for the BS. I know how you feel. I accidentally found out OW and my husband were in bed together AFTER he got up in front of our church and asked for prayers for our marriage.

Luckily I was very calm, because I expected it after reading here.

But I am concerned that it got physical. Did he hit you?

For the first time every yes. Though it hurt, I could tell he wasnt giving me his all. But that's no excuse...he know my little punches weren't hurting him...i only weigh 95 lbs...and thats due to stress that I weigh that much. I'm trying to gain...but I found not alot of people are trying to gain so not alot of advice out there.

I hate what your WH has done and I think you should leave immediately.

That being said...if you are big enough to hit...you are big enough to get hit. If youescalate things with violence...don't be surprised when violence is handed back to you.

Now...get yourself somewhere else.

You should not have hit him, but him hitting back is very very bad. Sorry, I have a double standard when it comes to men hitting women.

How is he acting now?

thankfully the law sees it differently.

as I have said many times here, at least 50% of the domestic calls I went on, the woman was the first to throw hands.

double standards are never okay.

It got physical and I'm not a violent person, he makes me violent.

No...he doesn't. The choice to strike him was yours and yours alone.

I can understand a person reacting in anger. You CANNOT blame someone else for your angry outburst. Many abusers use that very same comment..."she made me violent...I had to hit her".

Nope...nope...nope...

Accept responsibility for your behavior and remove yourself from the situation if you are going to continue physical abuse.

jmho
committed

I guess I'm old fashioned. I've never hit anyone. I HAVE been beaten, and I mean BEATEN.

But I raised my sons NEVER to hit a woman, and if she hits first, to walk away.

Waking Beauty was wrong. Her husband acted worse. She caught the cheater and in the heat of the moment struck him with all of her 95 pounds behind it. No excuse for her.

But I maintain that his behavior is much worse. Sounds like a real coward to me.

you are right..no excuse for her actions...although I probably would do the same(and I don't fault her)...

but there was an excuse for his actions...self defense....were she to call the police, she would go to jail based on the facts.

I also think you have to teach your children that they should defend themselves against anyone...male or female...
no one has a right to hit you and while walking away SOUNDS great, it is not always possible.

Well, MEDC, I know you look at it as a cop. I don't.

So on with the story, Waking, is he still in the home? Is he sorry, or does he have all kinds of cowardly excuses?

Okay, so here's my advice. If you truly want to make this marriage work you cannot get violent. I know it's easy to do. I was heading down that road myself before I found MB and implemented Plan A. (The worst I did though was throw a tea towel at him. lol Woo! Watch out for me!) I too I am a whopping 95lbs and dealing with all this stress makes it very hard to gain to a healthy weight (although 95 is considered healthy for me by a dr's standards, I do not) Anyways, my advice is to remove yourself from the situation. I'm not saying to leave him, but get off that emotional roller coaster he has you on. I think I read about this under "Just Found Out" I know it's extremely hard when it's in your face like that. When I start feeling my blood boiling and I'm about to lose it, I leave. I politely tell him I'm going for a walk or sometimes I go to a friends just to vent. Give your anger to God. It's a sin when you let your anger control you. It's in the book you are reading (POPW) -and God sees what you are doing to be just as bad. Seriously though, get off that roller coaster!! and take care of yourself. Plan A is all about you!

I've never seen a 95# woman with equal strength with fists to a man. Nope - nadda. I've been hit by a woman - my mother. 165 pound woman. I've been hit by a man. 150 pound father. I've been hit by another man - once. at the time he was 195#. Sorry - the men win out on the knock-you-into-the-middle-of-next-week contest - the threat my mother always made. She could hurt me for a minute; dad and husband made me hurt for more than a week - the headache was "EXTREME".

Violence on the part of the woman - in the heat of the moment - NEVER - EVER a good idea. Mostly because there's a "NO HOLDS BARRED" attitude on the part of a cowardly abusive cheating man. And he can hurt her much worse - and she'll get charged for swinging first. Insult to injury - just ask Lil Sis about what happened when she smacked the ho RT when she caught her husband with RT.

The ability of harm is the reason why the cops, who showed up at my door when my husband called them, were practically begging me to tell them what provoked me to lash out at my husband. I got charged with domestic violence, but I knew what the law would do to him, having worked on the other side of the shelters. (Kasey put me in a headlock to keep me from leaving and I bit him on the arm and left a mark. Cops had no choice but to charge me - plea in abeyance. no record now - 11.5 years later - a little less than 1/2 of our married life.) Then I Plan B'd him for 2 months, meeting only in the presence of our intermediary (our minister) for 4 months after that. I wouldn't talk with him. I wouldn't listen to his demands. I simply "didn't need a man that bad" any more. When he finally got a clue that I wasn't backing down, he got help in the form of the toughest therapist in the county. I got counseled by Harley himself during this time. The call to the cops is what triggered the whole "I'm ready to take this marriage to OVER unless I'm free to come and go without PHYSICAL restraint if I feel threatened by a conversation." I was never going back to a relationship that didn't honor and respect me as a person - The hitting had been a single swing to the cheek bone 10 years before this crisis - the headlock was a great big clue that it could happen again, unless I was certain I would never tolerate it again and backed it up with actions. (And I NEVER HIT HIM beyond the defensive bite).

A woman who gives herself license to hit, will get hit. Period. Don't forget the law, but more important, this isn't about drama. Marriage Builders is about a plan. So - are you ready to get a plan and act on that plan?

KA...you have been through some battles...and it affords great advice for other posters.
I have been on the other side of that...where I got slapped for calling a ho a ho when I caught my ex on top of another man....her "friend"didn't have the balls to stand up...but she slapped me once and attempted a second...she never got closer than a foot from my face on the second one...it didn't require me striking her to stop it, but let's just say that I think she realized in that moment that she would never want to raise a hand to me again.
cowardly cheating abusing partners come in all shapes, sizes colors and gender.
My advice to anyone comes from Billy Joel...don't take crapp from anyone.
I agree that it isn't about drama and hope that the poster puts that nonsense to bed...sore ribs have a way of reminding you of your prior mistakes.
Waking up the next morning with the remnants of yesterdays battle hopefully will stir them both to the realization that they need help...and fast.

well its only been a day or so....but weirdly kissing my @ss (as much as his personality will let him). Don't know whats going on in his mind....I know he was crying but crying because he hit me only? or crying because he started an affair that ended with him hitting me?

Yes no one should put their hands on anyone....BUT man or not...he's a lot bigger than me...he could have just got out of the car.

You are a cop?

He's sorry.

MEDC I thought the person without the bruise goes to jail not the person with the bruise?

Thanks everyone!!!
Cincv good advice (lol@ tea towel). Sorry to hear of your story Kayla...Good adivce MEDC.

ok so that happend Sunday. Sleeping on it, the next day I decided that any person that is able to get me that mad that I risk being away from my babies (jail) is not worth being around. When he got off from work (for real this time) I told him we needed to talk....I told him that its not good for us to be together if I feel the need to revert to violence (affair or no affair). I said violence only increases w/ tension and next time he might kill me or knock me out...(I mean lets be real...I couldnt do more to him equivalent to hitting your funny bone or a scratch).

I said if you want to keep your marriage 1. dont do see OW....because 2. I will feel the need to hit you at the heat of the moment (look at the pass), HOWEVER I will NOT, I'm just going to walk away from the M completely, I will be done with you because only worst things are going to come out of me hitting you. And no M is worth being in where one person feels the need to revert to voilence.

I mean, itsn't that true?

so its Tuesday and I still feel upset about that entire day....that's the first time I ever seen WH come out of OW's house...it was like a wake up call...it was like reality slapped me in my face (again)...Even though there was D-day, I still have never seen him come out of her house. (Though she has been at mine) Then the fighting and the stuff he said out of anger and the hitting---I just feel crummy....I just dont see a need to go on with trying because...if Sunday didnt wake him up to leave the B*tch alone...It might as well be over.