My husband and I separted for 3 weeks, he cheated on me and now he aske us to come back home so we can work this out. I told him that the girls had to be gone and if he wanted to go out he could take me. we are back at home with my husband and i know if i forgive him i have to forget, we have two beautiful kids, 3 years old and 8 weeks old. I want this to work but am stuck on how. I do not know if i should kiss him to make him feel special. i clean and cook for him and take care of his kids but what to make him happy as well as myself. has anyone gone through this and made it work and how

Since you've had infidelity in your marriage, SMO2, please consider copying and pasting your post to the Infidelity: General Questions II forum. It gets the most traffic and those who read that forum are the best because they've walked in your shoes.

You're not alone.

Welcome to MB. (Have you read Dr. Harley's "Surviving An Affair"? It's like the primer on how to save your marriage and what affairs really are about.)

There are a lot of articles on this website to read...and there's a radio show you can listen to, also.

You can do this. As adults, we learn forgiveness is a process...forgetting isn't reasonable.

Welcome.

LA

SMof2,

The beginning of your story has been told here many times. Many of us have come here under the same circumstances. Some have recovered their marriage and have a better life together today than they did before the affair. Some have not been able to save their marriage, but they too have found personal healing and recovery in this place.

Some things you need to be sure you have read before getting too much farther are the Basic Concepts (Upper left corner of this site on every page), some of the Q&A columns about infidelity (Right of center on the second link bar at the top of each page) and the top few posts pinned to the top of the Just Found Out forum under the infidelity heading.

While you and your husband do have a conflict to resolve, it is related to infidelity and so I would recommend that you do some reading on those forums as well. The most traffic is on the General Questions II forum under infidelity but some of it can be overwhelming to newcomers.

Might I ask you to consider posting your story on JFO or GQII? You will get a lot more response there than in this forum.

Rest assured that you are not alone and your situation is not terribly unique beyond your personal history as all affairs are pretty much alike. The good news is that because they are so much alike, a plan to repair the damage and move forward with your life and marriage intact is possible.

I will not tell you that the process of recovery from infidelity is easy or that you are the only one who needs to work at it in order to save your marriage. But it can be done and there are those here who have done it themselves and can guide you along the journey. There are also countless success stories here of those who came here feeling as lost and alone as you do right now and who have long since recovered there marriage and retired from this board.

LA is one of the best, BTW. Be sure to read everything she says more than once since the obvious isn't always the only point she is making.

Welcome to Marriage Builders. Considering the circumstances, you are in a great place.

Mark

Hi i didnt know where to post. Im trying to save the marriage that i ruined. I married my husband and he convinced me to move 1000 miles away form my family to where his brother lived. We had a 13 month old daughter and my husband was recovering from just having back surgery. He was not working but i was working nights and taking care of my daughter and husband all day/ my husband could barely walk for 10 months. So life was pretty stressful. SO we moved away from everyone. When we got to our new home i continued to work nights in a warehouse and my husband worked at my brother in laws computer company. WHen i would get home in the mornings he would be leaving for work and my daughter would be getting up for the day. So i never got to sleep until he got home in the evenings which was late and i would just leave for work an hour later. So 1 hour of solid sleep a day. I tried to sleep more but my daughter was awake most of the day. So for 2 and a half years i worked nights for my family. I would cry and beg my husband to spend more time with me and he would just spend 12 hours a day at work. He told me we couldent afford to switch me to days because day care was too expensive. So for 6 months more i cried and whined about how much i hated it where we were because i was only having conversations with a 1 year old all day and no contact with the outside world. So I made a huge mistake and had an affair with a man at my work. He had time for me and payed attention to me. So for the 1st time in my life i lied to my husband for several months. My husband and i wer not having sex at all but after our 1st 2 years we only averaged sex about 1 time a month and we have been together for 5 years. Needless to say i confessed to my husband what i had done. Although he expected it because for one and a half months i had been dissappearing on the weekends and not comming home until work weeks. SO my husband kicked me out and i moved to an apartment with this new guy who i didnt even love. I was lost and my life seemed hopeless. Then i got pregnant by thiis new guy biggestmistake ever. So my husband filed for divorce and it almost went through when we decided to move back home so each of us could be with our families. So our divorce case got dropped and now we have to refile back at home. I keep begging him to try and reconcile with me but he will not even try. He has said mean things to me and done even worst to me but i know it was all out of anger. I wish i could tell the full on story but i dont have it in me. I dont even talk to the father of the child im pregnant with because towards the end he started destroying my belongings and became abusive to me. I want nothing more but to have my family back. I have no purpose in life without my husband and daughter. Im at a loss. Help me please