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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 78
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Member
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 78 |
hello iam new here and need help my husband of 16 years had a affair with a co worker when he was out if town working. the affair lasted about a year on and off we have both cried enough tears to last a lifetime he no longer has contact with this person but i feel things are not going to go good for us either. i am the one who has done most of the but i love yous and tells him i want the family to stay together we are currently back together but boy is it hard i feel like iam the one doing all the work he is so distant my friends all think we should divorce but god help me i love this man even he says he dosent know why i do.i know i dont want to feel second best anymore help
BS(ME)41
WH (HIM)44
Married 1990
one ds
one dd
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
Welcome to marriagebuilders. Do the two of them still work together? I hope not.
Do some reading here and you will know the next steps. How did the affair end, and how long ago?
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 78
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 78 |
no they do not it ended in march. he ended it by telling her he had to go back to his family and try to work things out. thats when i get the phone calls at my work telling me how dumb i am for taking him back and thats how i found out about the affair.
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
Member
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Member
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
Well, if he is back, it doesn't really matter why. Did the two of you have a lot of problems before the affair? Was there anything he complained about? If so, those are the things you can work on.
Pay no attention to your friends. Friends always tell folks not to put up with cheating - it's because they care about you. But if you want to save your marriage, you need to stick with us.
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 78
Member
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Member
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 78 |
he never complained but i guess he kept alot to his self he blamed me alot for the affair but i think alot of that was his own guilt. i now do see some things that i need to improve on that i learned on this site about our needs. he also needs improvement. i did not know that adultry was so common its such a devastating thing for all concerned
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
Member
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Member
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
Start working hard on changing things. After all, instead of just the pain from all of this, you want a much BETTER marriage.
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