Ladies lets help the guys out some here, the dating/relationship thing is so different at the ages we are now then when we did this the first time around! Let’s give them some of our thoughts as to what we would want/like in a relationship or on a date, and perhaps one of them will start a thread for us on what they would like or want in a relationship/date.

I am watching some of the guys I know struggling and they will do nothing as they aren’t sure what it is to do, and to me both are cheated, probably not a good word to use on this site, I’m sorry!!!!!

I want a guy just to do something nice for me, just cause he knows it will make me smile…

I want a guy to put his hand on my back or shoulder to let me know he is there for me….

I want a guy to wink at me….let me see if I can figure out why.

Sometimes just seeing what others have done will inspire one to be creative, time and energy doesn’t cost anything and it’s looked up on as being cheap, it’s not, it’s being caring and creative. Which goes along way with me.

So how about adding something…..

Dawn




<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

I'm a very independent woman. However, it gets my attention when a guy shows old fashioned manners such as opening a door, giving me his arm, etc. LOL! BF fusses at me when I get into car without him opening door, even when I'm driving.

Offering or doing something without being asked or nagged. For instance, my BF noticed that the handle on my frig was loose so he got the screwdriver and fixed it. It didn't take much work and I'm quite able and had been meaning to fix it. Still it meant a lot to me. I'm big on acts of service, but it might be a small gift for someone else. The point is he's thinking of me, not just doing what I tell him to do.

Most importantly, I want honesty.

fbwidow--I am very much the same way, I can do for myself but it is n ice to have someone thinking of you and just doing it!!!

But how do you train guys to be that way? I missed it with my son, but have 3 grandsons that I am working on it with!!!

Dawn

I want to be treated with reciprocal respect.

I don't want to have to guess what is on her mind, I want openess.


I want to be able to trust.

* My co-workers find my Southern Gentleman way intriging. It's unusual for a man to say yes mam and hold doors open for them.

Manners do matter.
I was early meeting a friend at a bar on Friday night. A nice young professional was sitting next to me, but waiting for someone. He chatted a bit, but was very cordial. My friend came and he offered his seat. His date came and she was stunning, and looked about 25. She ordered a drink called the "french maid". I joked that was a sure sign to any male that he was set for the night. She laughed and said they'd been married for 12 years, together 20.
It's great to see such great manners, and also to see people who are truly a pair after so long.

I think there is hope for all of us. Sometimes I think I am too independent to meet someone who can handle that. But I would certainly like someone to fix my refrigerator door without asking.

Manners are super big for me....

I, like Newly (and lots of us other gals) am way independent - I can do most things all by myself, thank you.

But a man who opens doors for me, holds my hand, holds the umbrella over my head for me and is just an old fashioned gentleman turns me into a big pile of girlie mush!!

Laura

Yes, I do agree with all of the above, manners are definitely a huge plus. In addition, I love it when men do the little things for me, like the refrigerator handle, leaving a little note for me to find, a quick little text message to brighten my day, etc. Little things mean so much more than tons of flowers or expensive gifts or expensive dinners out. So, my advice for men looking to score some extra brownie points, figure out those little things...

xetta, we need to help them see what those little things are!!!

We as single women have been very strong and independent out of neccsity, not because we wanted to be that way. I think that that is why the little things can mean so much to us.

Right now I would love for someone to bring me a cup of Chai Tea and set out on my back deck and watch the sunset with me, and then light the fire pit, so we could stay outside a little longer!!! I love fall!!!!

I want to be able to trust!!! That's a biggy right now for me!

This has been seeing what it is others want, we aren't all alone, seems most want similiar things!!!

Just a word to the ladies, if a guy does bring or send you flowers, don't say "Oh you shouldn't have." They probably won't again!!!! Smile and thank them profusely!!! They could be flowers out of the yard, just thank them!!!!

Dawn

Dawn

Interesting thread. I've recently started seeing someone new, and he's pushing all the right buttons <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Manners - VERY big with me, and so it seems, with others here too. My new beau opens doors, if I don't get there first, he'll seat me at a table (I have to slow down and not get there first!). On our first few dates he did not kiss me - but he did hug me.

Affection - one of my big ENs... my new beau is very affectionate - and affection does not need to be or lead to sexual activity - and he knows the difference.

Thoughtfulness - a short email or a text message goes a long way (this works both ways, ladies!)

I sent my new gentleman friend a text that said, "Smile, someone is thinking about you!" and that made his day - and he told me he showed it to his co-workers (he works for a family business, co-workers were his step-mom and another!)

When B and I were chatting on the phone about plans for later in the evening, I mentioned that I had to run out and get some poster board for DD before we went out. On his way home from work, he called to see if I'd like him to pick up the poster board (I'd already taken care of it) - I was *very* impressed that he'd picked up on that and offered to do it. I had it covered - and I had no anticipation or expectation that he'd offer - but I was very appreciative of his being that attentive.

I'm pretty independent too - and what I can't do, I have a good network of friends whom I help and who help me - so I don't ask or "need" B to do things - but he's offered to do a few things for me, and it's been very nice of him to do so.

Another thing - ladies - when a gentleman does do something nice - be gracious! Just as Dawn mentioned, don't say, "you shouldn't have." Say, "Thank you!"

According to HNHN, if appreciation typically ranks fairly high in a man's priority list of ENs, then being generous with appreciation and/or admiration is a good way to respond in kind when a gentleman does something nice for you.

B has told me that a little appreciation goes a long way with him, and he's been very smitten with how I've always thanked him for little things he's done.

These sorts of things feed off one another. Funny how simple that is... he does something nice for me - I feel good and it fills my EN. I thank him for whatever he's done, and it fills one of his EN. And so it goes.

For many of us who have come from failed marriages etc., we know what it's like to get into that cycle of not filling each other's EN - it's amazing how easy it can be to fill each other's EN once you realize what they are!

JinGA

JinGa,

Good thought!!! Thank you for sharing!!!!

I hope the guys are reading!!!!!

Many of my friends, just don't seem to think or know what those little things are, they are probably doing them and don't know it.

Here at school I encourage the kids to do RAOK, random act of kindness. Once shown some acts they get it and go!!!!

Dawn

While I believe I do a lot of these polite and thoughtful things, I want to thank all you ladies for confirming what I thought was important in filling EN's!

Adam, you're welcome <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Random acts of kindness are great. Everybody loves something unexpectedly kind done for them.

Here's another funny example... last week, I decided to give my new beau a little gift. It was a collectible I'd bought 2 of a while back (before we even met). I'd bought one for myself, and one for "whatever" down the road. The item is a coin that is used in the hobby we share (Geocaching - which is also how we met). Not an expensive thing - but something I knew he'd like and appreciate.

So I went over to his place for a visit, and after a little while I told him I had something for him, and I gave him the coin. He was really pleased and happy to receive it - and it made me feel good to give it to him. Then he said it was funny because he had something for me too - (great minds think alike). He knew I had a business trip coming up and he'd bought me a gift card so I could go and buy myself a "little something something" for my trip!

I was very surprised. It was not expected at all - but I was really touched that he was so thoughtful. The fact that we both had a gift for each other at exactly the same time was even weirder (but a good weird!). We both did something different and unexpected for each other.

We were both gracious about it - each thanking the other, and we both felt great about this little kindness. That's not the sort of thing we'd do every day - but for no particular occasion once in a while.

This gentleman and I really seem to think in much the same way - which is odd to me because I've never met anyone, male or female, that really understood me. The more we talk, the more we seem to be on the same page, and seem to view things from a similar perspective. That's the last thing I ever thought I'd find in a female friend, let alone a man. He's said the same thing - that he's never met anyone who thought about things the same way he does. Too funny... and we're both enjoying getting to know each other.

Having read all that I've read here and in Harley's books, which I initially devoured to try to reconcile my M, I'm finding that all that info is invaluable now that I find myself starting over again, since the R attempt failed.

Keep the ideas coming - I think we can all learn from this thread and Adam's - to help figure out what needs are important to men and women!

JinGA

JinGa,
Great story, I see in the continuing ed book there is a gps class, I may have to take it!!!!!!

Tuesday night my ODGS and I baked cookies, I don't need 6 dozen cookie at my house and I always give out at least half of whatever it is I bake away.

So brought some to school and passed out and I work with a teacher for lunch duty and I gave him a bag, and he said "what?, I said for you, but there were 4 in the bag now there is only 3, Tes got one." She has him 1st hour so I am sure she gets razed today! It just blew him a way that someone did something nice for him. I thought how sad! I try to do something nice each day for someone! Sometimes it's just smiling or saying hi to a student in the hall.

I love the movie "Pass it on" what an impact it has had for me.

Dawn

Paying it forward is always good. God knows I've had people help me through rough times, and if I can't "pay" them back with the same, I try to pay it forward to someone else.

There's a TV commercial running right now - I don't even know what it's for but it's a series of people, each sees the one before him/her, do something random for a stranger, and then they carry on and do something nice for the next person.

Imagine what the world would be like if everyone did that?

It's amazing how a small act of kindness or thoughtfulness goes a long way - whether it be toward a friend, family member, dating partner, spouse - or even a complete stranger.

JinGA

You are so right, what could we have as a society!!!

So I do it for those around me and hope that they take it from there.

Dawn

I bowled tonight, really well too, I might add. The couple I bowl with have been married 15 or 16 years, have 3 kids, and the love that they have for each other is what I want. If they weren't bowling he had his arms around her waist and held her, I guess you had to be there, it was touching, you could just feel the love they had for each other. That's what I want, someone to love me like! that!!!

Dawn

Me too!!!

I was sitting around with some girlfriends this weekend after listening on the radio to lots of beautiful love songs on the radio - Bon Jovi, Nickelback, Journey, etc. and said "I want someone to write a song about his love for me". That or a poem would be the ultimate for me.....

Laura

That would be nice, I am tired of all the heart break misery songs that are my life right now!!!! I am ready for something new, something different!!!!!!Something exciting!!! I want the excitement of a new relationship!!!!!

I feel pretty hurt sometimes when I think of what I had and how x just blew it away!!!

Oh Well, it's Monday and I have to keep my thoughts up or it will be a long week!!!!!!

Dawn

taking notes! just kidding but this stuff is all so basic. you can't tell me that women are this easy to please though. maybe i was just married to a slave driver <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

You were married to a slave driver...lol <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />