I saw the thread from the women and see that as a great opportunity to create the same thing!

Me? I like the small things, I like little notes or even text messages. I like it when a woman reaches for my hand or scoots just a little closer to me. I like it when a woman pulls me back for one more kiss before we part for the evening. I like being encouraged. I want to know how I am doing and if what I am doing is right for the relationship!!

I also like to be told I am handsome or sexy!

Adam,

Thanks for starting this thread!!!

How is it that you like to be encouraged? This is one that I am struggling with right now, my x said at one time if you hadn't pursued me, we'd never gotten married. That is not how I remembered the past, but wonder if I pushed, what's the difference for you between pushing and encouraging?!!

Dawn

Ladies - I find this to be soooo very true. My BF was married for 19 years, and he and his wife never, ever exchanged kind words like these, not many "I Love you's" - and as a result - my BF had a really hard time expressing himself.

I learned that admiration is big with the fellas - so right from the start I always greeted him with a "Hello Handsome" or "Hi Hot Stuff", etc. - and tried to make him feel special each and everytime we spoke. Two years later, it seems to work - he's becoming more and more open - and he now greets me the same way!

Pushing would be like a strong suggestion. It also seems repetitive, like "nagging." Encouragement for me would be something along the lines of "You should take that job, you deserve it!"

I also like the simple things in life. I am very content sitting at home and watching a movie. I like walking. I like talking, and validation of what I said so it does not get misinterpreted. I see often times that what I say may come out very simple but thought into to much by a partner. I personally do not like the bar scene as I have created far better memories without an outside influence.

I like laughter! It is a great way to lighten a mood and get everyone in a comfort zone!

I would also like to add that every now and again, I do like to be asked where I am at and who I am with. While that may seem odd, I find it nice that a partner can unseemingly show how important I am to them by asking such a risky question. Just do not go overboard with it and question my every move.

I also like being told to "be careful" as that makes me feel important and like my partner cannot wait to see me again.

We need men like Adam in Pennsylvania!! LOL

I think I've found one like Adam in GA <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

This is very good! If my new beau has similar wants/needs, then I think I'm on the right track, because I've done many of those things, and those are things that I typically do (did in my M too, for whatever that's worth!).

Reading HNHN, has shed new light on things that may be more important to men, than to women (and vice versa) and so I'm looking at things nowadays with a bit different point of view - what's important to *him* may not be as important to *me*, so I'm looking for cues from him as to what he wants/needs. So far, so good.

A discussion like this sheds more light into that - spelling it out, versus subtle cues, makes it a lot easier to figure out.

JinGA

Adam,
In a genral sense you told me the difference between pushy and encouraging, but hey since we have you here on this thread, I would that you go a little further into the difference in regards to a male/female relationship.

What would you say was encouragement that you would like to have in regards to a budding relationship?

Like I said this is one that puzzles me, I know though that I am skewed somewhat cause of the x and I haven't dated in over 25 years so am wondering how it is to encourage a guy that I would be interested in dating without a put on. If that makes any sense.

Thanks, Dawn

We need men like Adam in CA too! This is a great thread.

Here's my question: Do men like strong-minded and opinionated women? I find that men like women who are more passive, women that are most likely to follow rather than lead.

I met a guy recently who told me that I was "intense." I took that as a negative comment but he convinced me that it was a good thing...at least for him. Basically, should I be toning down my personality for men so I don't scare them away?

I'm not an expert and I don't play one on TV - but what I'm finding in my own experience is it's the best thing to BE YOURSELF. If you feel you have to change or tone down or whatever - it's not the real deal.

That's not to say that we shouldn't continue working on our own personal recovery and growth - of course that's a lifelong process. What I'm saying is that if you feel you need to be somebody you aren't - withholding opinions or doing things very differently "for" somebody, versus what you do normally - then perhaps you aren't with the right person.

Here's an example... this past weekend I was at a trade show for my industry and I found myself sitting at a table with people in the same branch of my industry and somebody brought up an industry reform organization that I'm passionately *against*. I agree with their mandate, but it's an NGO that has wasted millions of dollars and yielded no results. That's my opinion - but there are plenty of published facts to support that. Now - I didn't know these people, this was the first time I'd met them, but in the manner in which I would approach anyone who'd broached that subject with me, I offered up my *opinion* without being forceful - and then encouraged the folks to verify the facts - all of them, and make up their own minds. B was with me - and he knows nothing of my industry or the politics and issues that surround it, so he just sat back and listened. I was a bit nervous that he'd see just *how* intense I was on this subject - and I was a bit nervous that I'd scare off my new found acquaintances - but I did neither. In fact, my information was well-received by those I was "educating" and when the conversation was over, B commented about how impressed he was in my passion about this issue, and how I offered up information for the others to ask questions for themselves.

In both instances I was a bit nervous about "being myself" and showing my convictions concerning this matter, but in the end, I may have enlightened a few people - or at least given them some alternative sources of the "other side" of a particular issue, so that they could make up their own minds on it, and B was impressed at how thorough I was in the information I gave.

*I can be myself.*

If B had been 'scared off' by my passion on this subject, or felt that I should have kept my 2 cents to myself - then I'd have known right then and there that I was with the wrong person. Interestingly he was quite fascinated with it and he asked me even more questions. I wasn't argumentative with anyone, and I didn't force my opinion down anybody's throat - that's not my style, but I am always *clear* about what I think if asked!

And of course we should all always use good manners - that's just a given, but I've dated a guy whose manners around me were atrocious, yet in public he was prim and proper. I once told him that if he wouldn't pass gas in front of a stranger - please, treat me like a stranger (naturally I'm not with him anymore!)

Be yourself - if you can't be yourself, you can't be someone you aren't. That's my 2 cents <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> (And yep, I'm quite opinionated!)

JinGA

I am a very strong-minded, opinionated woman and trust me, I'm not short on male admirers. Still a little shy about taking that first step down that path however. (is that a major contradiction or what?)

I can like a woman that is strong minded and opinionated to a point. You don't have to agree about something to understand where each other is coming from.

I have one more thing I would like to add to this. I admire a strong sense of morals. I am not into having sex, I prefer the intimacy and the feelings and emotions that go with it. I am 24 years old and have had one sexual partner my entire life, and she is my wife. we have been seperated 6 months and I have not even given thought to someone else in that manner.