Hello!

I've been with my common law spouse since 1998...just over 9 years.

The day before Christmas 2000 he proposed to me and it was also at that time that we were planning our first child.

At the beginning of January 2003, pregnant with my second, our relationship was bad. He owns his own company and expected far too much out of me while I was trying to take care of my then 18 month old daughter. It was so bad that I moved out with my daughter in April 2003, one month prior to giving birth to my second.

We were split up for 5 months and got back together in August 2003. Just after I moved out I gave him back his engagement ring and told him that I didn't want to marry him.

Well, it's been 4 years since our separation and our relationship is just like it had been prior to our troubles. We rarely fight and get along well.

I've known where the engagement ring was since we got back together. However, we have not talked about marriage or being engaged. (Six months after we got together, he did call me Fiance but that was the end of that.)

Does he still want to marry me? I have no idea. He was probably very hurt about me calling it off and perhaps is waiting for me to mention it. I am too stubborn and scared to ask for it back.

For the past few months I've put the ring on and thought, well, perhaps he will notice. Then I get scared and take it back off.

Yes, I know marriage is a piece of paper. But there are many reasons why I want to get married and non is because I think it will change our life. It is also not the fairy tale aspect of it either. Next May will be 10 years for us and I want to celebrate the 10 years of us and our love and a new beginning by getting married. I've always wanted to marry him but unfortunately we both screwed that up 4 years ago when we separated for 5 months. Since then, I wanted to get back on track and make sure things were good between us before bringing up the subject. We also have two lovely kids together and I don't feel like a complete family unit with my name being different then my kids and spouse. Besides, the kids are getting to know what marriage is and say that we are married, etc.

Will marriage change anything? Maybe not. Sometimes I get scared too as I hear of people getting married after a very long time together only to go through a divorce pretty quick after their marriage.

I truly do want to marry him and I have been constantly thinking about it for a few years now, and especially the last 8 months.

Anyhow, two weeks ago I finally got the nerve to ask him if he still wanted to marry me. He said yes but yes and paused because he thought I was going to say more. (Yes, I shocked him by being so open) He told me that his worker had mentioned that I had been talking about marriage to his fiancee. We talked about what had happened at the time we had separated and he said that he also thought I was too busy for marriage. We then talked about some other things that have been happening around here and why I was down last week.

Until that time up to last Saturday, we haven't broached the subject and he is still calling me girlfriend. I surprised him last Saturday night with a romantic night away from home. There had been a marriage ceremony there and he said that we would not be getting married there. Later on in the evening, we talked about marriage again and some ideas - going on a cruise, etc. The next morning he was on the phone and he told this person that my wife and I had been out celebrating our anniversary. Since then, I am back to being called girlfriend.

And I still haven't been asked if I want to wear the engagement ring again. I only know where it is now since we moved in July, and he has no clue where it is.

I don't know. I am not the type to pressure anyone and I am a chicken sh$t for these types of conversations. I know it's a bad time right now too and he is running with his head caught off trying to finish a job since we do own two companies.

Any suggestions?

Okay, the good news is you are definitely seeing a lot of green lights from him! :-) He's talking about where to get married & honeymoon. Those are very good signs.

However, I think you need to deal with his hestitation so he isn't wondering if you might leave him again and so he can trust you. Great marriages have tough years! It's not all fun and sometimes things get frustrating and angry, like when he put too much on you and was probably very absorbed with his business. He needs to know that you won't run out if there are problems and you need that too.

Try telling him you regret leaving and that you want to make a lifelong commitment. Let him know you will NOT leave him again (this is the time to bring up any circumstances that would cause you to leave). Problems, like you had before, may rear their ugly heads again. However, next time stick in there and work them out together even if it means a terrible 5 months of living together (rather than 5 months of living apart).

Again, even great marriages go through bad times. People's priorities change, we go through selfish periods, etc.. However, as you now know love comes back stronger after you make it through the rough spots. He needs to know you are in it for the long haul and aren't going to threaten to take your love away again.

After you do that leave the ring on his bedside table/dresser so he is in command of it. Let him pick it up and ask you all over again. I think things are going to be great for the two of you!!! If you accept, plan on never taking that ring off again (well, maybe for doing the dishes, lol).