I am having a tough time trying to decide how to handle this one!
My adrenaline is soaring and I am completely fired up!
I immediately went into Fight or Flight mode and need some help!

I have just discovered a request to be friends from OW to my 16yo SDs MySpace.

*Quick note - SD is how OW and FWH kept their secret. They used SDs email and IM to communicate. OW would also use SD as a personal messenger to get information to FWH.

1 Year ago the NC letter was sent. OW was told not to contact ANY family members and was blocked from email and IM accounts. Recovery has been going great and as far as I could tell NC has been established (I have been watching).

Hmmmmmm, I thought she went away to easily!

Anyway, 1 year later, OW has obviously thought of a new way to try and make contact.
OW has sent a MySpace friends request to SD on Monday. As far as I can tell the request was denied (which is good). But the point is, OW is trying to make C!!!! Apparently she has not moved on....

What to do, what to do!!!
Anyone have any advice for me?
Talk to H and make new NC letter?
Any thoughts would be great right about now....

MyBad
------------------
In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity. (Just not sure what the opportunity is...)
------------------

BS 42 (Me)
FWH 38 EA/PA
2 SDs 17, 15
DS 9
DD 7
3/20/06 FWH "I'm not happy - I want a D" speech
Immediate Plan A
FWH filed for D 4/8/06
D-Day 5/12/07
Plan FU till 6/1/06 FWH had breakdown
FWH started IC 6/8/06 back to Plan A
MC 08/06
NC Letter sent 9/23/06
FWH Requested to Dismiss D 10/06
In Recovery

How did you find out? Did your daughter bring it to your attention?

If so, I'd ask your daughter to add her to her friends...and then you post a reply telling her to take a flying leap, that she's not wanted, and what did she think that the NC for life letter meant, anyway.

Then remove her from the list and block her from your daughter's page.

If your daughter doesn't know...that makes it a little more tricky.

Maybe start your own myspace as somone she wouldn't know, and contact her through that. Or see if you can contact her through phone or something...and tell her to buzz off.

I would talk to your husband..
and then together talk to your daughter...

here's the sickness in this...

A GROWN woman attempting to be friends with a sixteen year old...girl

what the f*(& is up with that....

it's total blatant use of his daughter to get to him...
I mean really no grown woman contacts a sixteen year old girl to be friends with...

what does she want to hang out at the mall and football games with her...I don't think so

I would take that angle with your husband...

how twisted
how sick
a women to mess with a sixteen year old girl...

to put at risk her beliefs of the sanctity of a committed relationship..
attmept to get a child to reveal personal things even day to day things about her own father and mother..

sick sick sick

to USE a child for alternative motives...

talk to husband
talk together to daughter

block her from all myspace accounts...

PERIOD

grownups on myspace is pretty pathetic as well..

ARK

Hey Owl,

Thanks for the reply. I checked SD email (No she doesn't know) and saw the request. So I checked SD MySpace and there no request pending and OW has not been added, so I think I can assume that the request was denied (hopefully).

I do have a MySpace that no one knows and its not me. So I checked OWs space and my SD is not there either.

My delema is this...Should I tell SD and also H that I know the request was
made? Should I keep this information to myself? Should I call POS OW and tell her to back the f#%k off? Should I send a new NC letter?

I have a million thoughts going on right now. My stomach is in a knot. It feels like Dday all over again....

MyBad

Hi Ark-

We must have been posting at the same time.
Thanks for your reply.

You are absolutely correct! and I agree 100%.
Why would a grown woman in her 30s be interested in being friends with a 16yo. I'll tell you....she is not. She wants to establish contact with my H and is using trying to use SD AGAIN!
I never did believe she would go away that easily, so I have had this NC letter #2 all ready to go. Here is a little tast of what it says (paragraph #3):

Moreover, it was manipulating and selfish of you to exploit our young daughter. Hiding behind her Internet tools to conceal this ludicrous affair, where she could easily access all of your messages was cruel and insensitive (and yet another indicator of delusion). You greedily and selfishly used her as a messenger for your own personal benefit. You have exposed an adolescent, vulnerable, defenseless child to your insidious world of betrayal and disloyalty and you are guilty of ruining her faith in her own future relationships. This is a further indication of your lack of development, self-centeredness, low self-esteem and immaturity. SHE IS A CHILD – YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED!!! This is even more perverse than the infidelity. You are extremely twisted!

This is just part of the letter that was written last October. I wrote it out of anger and frustration.

What do you think?

She doesn't care what you write. I would write back, "Nice attempt to contact my husband again, but it didn't work, tramp. Leave us the [censored] alone!" Then I would expose to anyone that you knew on her side, including telling her myspace friends how she is trying to use your daughter to get to your husband. Make there be consequences for attempting to contact your FWH again.

MyBad:

Who knows?

You? and only You?

Then, not a problem. Reply with the NC letter and block her emails from SD's MySpace.

OW KNOWS she can get to your H thru SD. She tried it.

Make sure she doesn't succeed, OK?

If OW Email didn't refer to other C or seem like a continuance of something else, but just: "It's been a year, What's UP?"

THen Leave it at that. You can send her the NC letter and block her from SD's MySpace page.

Drop Para #3. It doesn't matter. She will ignore it anyway, if she knows she is getting to you, she might try harder.

Treat it like Dog poo on your shoe, you scrape it off and move on. No more consideration than that.

JMHO.

LG

if the OW is married make sure her H is aware of the renewed attempt to contact. I am assuming that you exposed this in the first place...right?

do not ignore this and merely block the account...although that should be done. Doing so may result in a more direct attempt at contact.

Expose this attempt to break NC.

jmwc95,


Ahahaha.. that is great! thanks for the laugh, I needed that. Could work eh?

lousygolfer,

Excellen point, if she knows she is getting to me.....
What she really needs is a NC letter #2 from FWH not me.
I will be speak with him about this whole thing tonight and together we will decide on how it should be handled. POJA right?
I wouldn't want to take the wonderful consequences away from him for his past betryal. (ie new NC letter)

mkeverydaycnt,

Unfortunately OW is not married and I have no one to expose to....
OW is D for 2nd time (cause her Xes cheated!), two kids, two different Fs I believe. Lives in different state etc.
What she needs to know is that her attempts at a renewed contact have failed.
I think the most obvious would be a new NC letter from both FWH and Me.
What do you think?

My biggest dilemma is talking to FWH and SD. They are the ones that are important to me. SD knows that her D and I (well I <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />) monitor the computer and also I don't really feel I owe an explanation as to how I know...I just do.

I don't think I can move on from this whole crisis until I know I am safe. I certainly don't feel safe as long as I am worried about renewed contact. I guess I was right to worry....

Thank you all for your input!

MyBad

OK, I don't even know if this is possible, but since your SD is a minor, can you threaten the OW with a restraining order if she ever tries to break NC thru her again?

Anyone here know if that would fly?

Who

an idea on the exposure part but since it involves SD, maybe not a great idea....just a thought though...

Have SD agree to be "friends" on myspace so now there is access to post on her myspace page. Then have your say on her my space page available for viewing by all her myspace friends (until she takes it down, of course).

MyBad,

I would report her as a possible predator to MySpace officials. Tell them you intercepted the attempt in your role as a supervising parent.They will take your complaint very seriously.

WOW! All great thoughts! Thank you.

I have actually thought about threatening with a restraining order, but she lives about......hmmm 600 miles away. So I'm not sure that applies.
Even thought I did read about the crazy astronaut lady in a diaper <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Hopefully I won't need to worry about that!

I won't use my SD as a form of revenge either. I will not allow her to approve a friends request from this idiot. That would not be any better than what OW did in the past. I want to keep SD out of it completely. Other that letting SD know not to have any contact with OW AT ALL.
This is a direct result of an affair my FWH had and he will need to step up at this point.

I do like the thought about reporting her to MySpace as a predator though! Has anyone here ever had experience with that before?
I would be interested in hearing more.

MyBad

How about exposing to all her myspace "friends" that she is a tramp and a stalker who won't leave your husband alone.

.... and another country heard from ......

Print out copies of the NC letter, the MySpace attempt to contact your SD, bring it to police dept and file a report. Just to have a paper trail.

Another thought: The contact was interstate. Any way to bring authorities down on FOW for that attempt to contact a minor child after all she has done to your family? Just wondering.

I think you should do what Bellevue suggests plus report her to MySpace.

(I have a similar problem but with a twist... will start a new thread about it...someday...have to go to work right now)

Contact MYspace authorities, your local police and hers. Most police forces have an internet police department. She is t/b considered a predator. Raise the question that it has been done before, she was warned (give date of NC sent) and she is doing it again. Let them know you will now leave it in their hands and ask for case # along with contact info if it continues. You want to start a paper trail on her case. It will now follow HER wherever she goes. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

L.

I know that in my niece's case, an adult woman was trying to bother her older sister via emails to her account.

My niece at the time was 16, her older sister 18.

My brother informed the judge that he wanted the woman to cease and desist her attempts to involve the minor child in the case, and to immediately stop any and all contact with the minor child.

The judge issued a restraining order, and the woman was told that any contact with the minor in question would result in jail time and fines.

This stuff is not viewed as "harmless" by courts. When adults try to drag minors into their problems, judges do not like it. You can call the constable, the justice of the peace, or a local judge and ask for a restraining order.

Sometimes, your attorney can pen a letter that works really well to put a stop to it.

In any event, I would report it. This woman has no business involving a minor in this affair - and her attempts after this length of time are evidence to any court of possible mental instability.

Print them out, and take them to any authority and request help. At least, take them to an attorney and have him send a letter to her. She will back off fast.

SB

Bellevue - meremortal -Orchid - schoolbus:

Thank You for sharing your thoughts on this tender situation.
I have spoke with FWH regarding this violation.
We then spoke with SD.
SD claims she did not get a friends request from FOW and that to her knowledge the FOW has not tried to contact her.
We did advise SD that there should be NC with FOW ever for any reason and if FOW tries, SD should let us know so we can deal with it appropriately. SD agreed.

I personally found this request from FOW in SDs email.
It said "FOW invites you to MySpace." It had a link to click on, so I did and up popped FOW ugle mug. So I know it was for real.
Is it possible that this request went to email only and never found its way to her MySpace page?

Anyway, FWH and I are writing another NC letter to FOW. This is what we have so far:

Your attempts to contact my daughter on MySpace have been noted and unappreciated.
I told you last year not to contact me or any of my family members EVER again. You have been blocked from all email, IM and MySpace accounts.
You are not welcome here virtually, physically or otherwise. If you continue in predatory attempts at contacting my daughter in the future, we will persue legal alternatives.

FWH & BW

What are your thoughts on this letter? Please feel free to edit.

Should I still contact MySpace and local authorities?

MyBaD

P.S. meremortal, I would be very interested in hearing about your similar sitch. Please feel free to shar it here if you want to.

IMHO, there s/b no contact. Instead turn her last contact into the police and charge her with attempting to influence a minor (or whatever charge fits). Let the police know there is a NC between her and your family (esp your H). Put it on record. Do NOT warn her.

Put your entire family on notice and let them know NOT to communicate with OW but to let you know. Each attempt s/b reported to the internet police division in your area.

BTDT.

JMHO,
L.