My wife had an affair with a half-brother? Can we overcome this? Should we even try?

Call the Harley's. Find their number through the home page of this website. That question requires professional input, and the Harley's are the best.

DHK,

Since there was so little information on this thread, I went back and read your others so I coul have a better idea about how to respond to you. In MB land where there is very little difference between affairs....your situation sticks out in it's complexity. Affairs are always about crossing marital boundaries, but in your case....even the taboos of incest....a boundary that exists in almost (with a few exceptions like the egyptians) every culture throughout history, has been crossed too. There are few prohibitions that are as universal as incest. An overwhelming body of research now shows that evolutionary biology and evolved human psychology play a central role in human aversion to incest. This worries me, because it is such a fundamental and multilevel betrayal that it doesn't bode well for your future. If your wife can ignore a boundary that is so ingrained in human relationships....it raises huge red flags about her emotional health. In other words....if she can't even resist her brother sexually, if she can cross a boundary even more rigid than marriage vows.....how can you ever trust her around any man and what does that say about her psychological health?

And now....she's going into the navy? Yikes....there's a good plan....not. I can't think of a worse plan. She leaves you for long periods of time to enter a male dominated world of shared comraderie and danger?

Older man. Young foreign wife. Immigration accomplished. Incest. The Navy. It all adds up to a pretty ugly picture.....a picture that isn't very comfortable to look at.

Can a marriage survive this?....I suppose anything is possible....but I'm not sure it should survive, and survival will not ensure that it is a healthy marriage because your wife is not healthy. Imagine what life will be like living with someone who has NO boundaries.

Your wife needs individual counseling, and I think you do too. I think the other posters is right....your questions are best answered by a professional. Don't wait for your wife to agree....call Jennifer on your own and she can guide you in the right direction.

I know this must be extremely painful for you. Please know that if you need support you can come here....but you need more than this board.

Best of luck to you.

Should you even try is really a question that only you can answer.
Bottom line is I wouldn't consider it for even a moment. Imagine the obstacles to overcome here. I would strongly suggest moving on and finding a person worthy of your time.

as I said to you in a previous post...based on what you have said, you got your wife preganant while she was still a minor. Seriously...what did you expect after you had sex with a minor???

Get yourself some serious help here...or call !-800- SPRINGER

Wow....there is no end to the dysfunction here. Yes, I realize that there are now children involved....and that's the saddest part of this whole equation because they don't deserve this. If she had the first baby at 17....how old was she when she got pregnant? No wonder this young woman is so messed up. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />

baby came at 18

Thanks medc....the improvement is slight, but duly noted.

Man, how this sounds like a family very close to home.....

My sister slept with her daughter's husband.

The young couple tried to work things out.

How could this ever possibly happen? Family get togethers would always include the other woman. After all, she is GRANDMA.


DHK,

I hold little to no hope for your marriage. My advice is to leave the situation with what you can take. In fact, if I were you, I would take whatever I could walk away with, and not mourn what I left behind, because it would give me memories of what was there, and I wouldn't want to remember it.

I'm serious when I tell you this. I come from a family that has the types of problems in your wife's family. I walked away from it all, and have very limited contact with the lot of them, because it is the only way to maintain my own sanity.

Regarding her decision to join the Navy - I need to weigh in on this on her behalf. While yes, it does place her at risk for sexual behavior, it will do one thing for her that, with any luck at all, might help her! It will take her out of the dynamics of that family. It was really only when my husband moved me a thousand miles away from my family that my thoughts and ideas began to heal, and I was able to grab control of myself.

At one point, my husband and I had a short separation and were going to divorce. During that time I went through a period of sexual promiscuity, but something happened that made me realize that behavior was not self-fulfilling, and I stopped it.

Shortly thereafter, my husband and I reconciled the marriage, much to our surprise, I might add!

I guess what I'm saying is that being in close proximity to the toxic family was not helping me. Moving away began a process of detoxification - part of that was promiscuous behavior on my part for a very short time - and then I guess I came out of the fog. But the distance from the family was HELPFUL in my ability to gain control of my life and mind in a positive direction.

It might be good for her to join the Navy. It would take her out of the proximity to the family.

Then again, it might just work for DHK to move her and his young family as far from any of her relatives as he can get, and limit any contact for as long as it takes for her to wrest control of her own mind to herself.

Just my own experience here.

Something to think about.

SB