I came to this board originally for help with my marriage that was going through some rough patches. I've learned a lot just by reading and my DH and I have done the EN Survey and have both worked hard on our communication including more than day-to-day tasks and scheduling. Things are certainly looking up! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

My reason for writing today is the downward spiral of my parents' marriage. They have a long history of infidelity by both spouses and my childhood was less than blissful! Constant fighting, moving in and out, violence, tempers, etc. I used to pray for them to get divorced just so all the fighting would STOP! As I got older, got married, and had kids of my own things between them seemed to settle allthough now I think it might be just because I wasn't there for the day-to-day life that I just saw less of the drama. But we spend every holiday TOGETHER as a family.

Fast forward to last September and my mom asked my dad to leave the home because he wasn't meeting her ENs. I didn't think much of it at first because as I mentioned their relationship has always been full of strife. However, as the holidays approached I found myself having to tell my own children (DS 11 and DS5) that while we would be at G'ma's house for Christmas....G'pa wouldn't be there. During Christmas Eve by Dad drops by with some gifts for my kids that are in a gift bag that was used to give a gift to THE OW's DAUGHTER!!! I was more than hurt and couldn't BELIEVE he would subject me and his grandsons to that!! He stayed for a whole 30 mins.

Then around Valentine's Day he and my mom decide to reconcile. He's talking about moving home but by this time my mom and I know of 2 OW he is seeing. He tells my mom that he's taking the evening to pack up his stuff to move back home and on a whim I drive by one of the OW's homes and find his truck in her driveway at midnight! Needless to say I didn't have a lot of hope of their reconciliation. He did move back in and promised to work on their marriage. They went to marriage counseling and each were going to individual counseling as well. I really think maybe things are getting better but am cautious in thinking all is well b/c my dad works with one of these women he was seeing.

So....fast forward again and the past couple of weeks dad's behaviour has been very suspicious. So, this weekend mom decides to confront dad on some of her suspicions and asks him if there is something he needs to tell her....he says no. She tells him that she's hired a PI (which she hadn't) and just met with him and she's giving him one more chance to come clean with anything....he admits to having contact with BOTH women still. So, she tells him to leave again.

My questions: HOW do I help my mom to understand that she CAN make it on her own and will most likely be even BETTER off without the stress of an unfaitful spouse?

How can I EVER have a relationship with this man who has not only lied to my mom but has lied to me too? At this moment he makes me sick! I certainly do NOT want him around my kids. But at least one of these women (the one he works with) keeps telling him that I'll come around and he'll still get to see me and his grandkids even if he leaves my mom....SHE IS WAAAAYYYY WRONG! Family is EVERYTHING to me. I will die before I ever introduce my kids to one of my dad's hoe bag GF's.

Please help me work through this. I'm hurt, angry and crying and I'm tired of seeing my mom hurt soooo bad. She calls me crying hysterically and I don't know what to say to her?

I know that this may not make sense as you read it....like I said I'm just so lost.

Thanks.

SoccerMom,

Do you think that a slap of reality coming from "daddies little girl" might help to wake him up?

stand your ground and tell your father exactly how you feel. Do not waiver.

If you tell him that he isn't welcome in your life or his grandkids lives as long as he is behaving like this and you follow through with it, I bet he thinks twice about what he is doing.

I would tell him that you are disappointed in him, and will never have anything to do with his OW.

I wouldn't shut him completely out. Just be sure he knows that you will never accept the OW.