My story in a nutshell is this. I am 32 and have been with my 38 yo husband for 10 years. We have a 1 and 3 yo. Found out in July he was having a 3 month affair w/ a 23 yo at work (she was separated). Took a few weeks but it ended (her mother became involved as she works with me... nice coincidence). The last month has been better and we were reconnecting/trying meet our needs/restablishing trust. I truly do believe the affair is over. I feel Suviving an affair has saved the marriage to this point.

This past weekend got new info from my sister that a year ago my husb. had some inappropriate flirting with her. I decided to let him know I knew this. He admitted it but said it was not all one sided and he is VERY angry that she is not taking responsibility for her part. He feels this has put us 10 steps back and wants to leave. Much of b/c of his own emotions and wanting to run (start over). He says he loves me and that I do not desearve any of this. I do not desearve to be hurt/left/suffer. I am a strong person and trying to figure this out. I do not want him to leave but do not want to be desparate either.

My insticts say to stay the distance.... I love this man and believe the marriage is worth fighting for. I do not think hashing out the details of who is right is important. I say I/we would rather be happy. He's not there yet. The relationship with my sister may never be the same but I do not want to never see her again. This is his plan. I know I need to let him do what he needs to do to figure it out. At this point he does not want counseling as we went a few times and it was not helpful.

Any thoughts about how to stay grounded in this and true to myself appreciated. I am not even half way to the 6 months I said I would give this. I want to continue to believe there is hope and I am struggling.

MK:

Six Months?

You have been married for 10 years.

You would throw it away after your M slid to this place, after working for only 5% of the time you have been married?

You have the right to end your marriage, your WH HAS given you the keys for that.

But you are here. And this is MarriageBuilders, not MaybeMarriage/MaybeNot.

You have two young children. This is a very difficult time in M.

Please read up some more around here. There is much to help you.

The admission by your sister is important, and SHE might have to admit more, but who cares?

You have to listen to what your H has said. And if you feel he is being honest WITH YOU. Both about the sister and the 23 YO OW.

ANd then base your future on those things.

Time to learn the things that caused your M to slide into a rut.

SAA was an excellent first read considering your situation. Please pick up His Needs, Her Needs (HNHN) next. Just buy it from the website.

THen you can start making some serious strides in repairing your M.

Your H has to get with it too. That's the wild card. But he's not here.

YET.

LG

Thanks for your honest response and indication that there is hope! Sometimes my fear gets the best of my hope.