My husband has a problem with physical abuse & neglect towards our 3 young children (the oldest in particular).
We have suffered from infidelity in the past (my fault) & online infidelity (his fault)...recently. If that was not enough to make we want to leave...

I have made him leave the home (separation) once again. This time I have done a better job of enforcing it. We're going on 2 weeks now. I have been struggling with this for years. When our oldest was a toddler...we were both too physically agressive with him. I shortly thereafter, saw the error of my ways...called my mother...over seas...and had her take all the children back to the states with her for a time.

I put myself in counseling & started attending church again.

My husband never truly accepted what he was doing. And it has continued for 4 years. My oldest is a boy and is now 6 years old. Has been through 3 schools, Mental Health/Mental Retardation Services & Medications. I even contacted CPS (Child Protective Services) on my husband earlier this year. They did nothing...and never even spoke to him in person. I finally told them what they wanted to hear...so that I could have my child back in my home....due to major emotional stress my mother had me under while she cared for him.

I had given thought to leaving in the middle of the day, while he is @ work...and moving back to Houston...where my best friend, Christian accountability partner is. And starting over. But it is almost impossible...financially.

We recently moved out of a rented house (due to major mold infestation put my boys in the hospital & all but my husband seriously ill for months)...into a trailer which we are financing.

Anyway, this is becoming too long...what do you do when you have abuse in the mix? It is so hard for me to focus on one wrong...when talking with him. He is certain this is "really about us" and not about his parenting or his relationship with his son. AND still doesn't beleive it is "that bad." That he is "just agressive" and that I am "a drama queen."

He only comes over (unannounced) when he wants sex. He buys cards and flowers with money...I am suppose to be handling (due to his outragoes spending habits & lack of responsibility in paying living expenses). And (without accepting responsibility for anything at all) says he is miserable and is "begging" "please make love to me right now."

I have been "emotionally divorced" from him for years...due to the infidelity issues between us...and the most recent issue of infidelity he has had. The abuse I have lived with for too long. And could not stand it or allow the damage to my son, his brother, sister or myself any longer.

So, when someone hase no intention of even the 1st step...accepting what they did...am I valid in wanting a divorce?

I have already spoken about this to him a few times (as best I can-He becomes very angry). But he refuses. Says he will never give me a divorce.

So, I am suppose to let him stay with my brother forever...working for my father...both who live feet from my trailer...coming over only when he wants sex (which I refuse-politely as possible each time). While he makes no effort to accept what he has done...and make no effort to be an actual part of his children's lives. I hate divorce. I am a preacher's kid (Dad is now a driller). I was raised to never use that word. But this is no life for my children or myself. I feel like I am in pergatory. I don't want to be there forever...or even another year!

Of course, you are valid in wanting a divorce.

Listen, your so-called husband is ruining your son's life. If you stay with him, you will bear some of the responsibility. This man is a mess on many levels, and as long as you stay with him, you won't be able to provide a better life for your children.

YOur son is six now, as he gets older, the abuse won't get better. Until one day, your son will retailiate. If he lives that long.

I like the Houston plan so long as you are smart about it. You need to go to the police, not CPS, about the abuse. Get the documented, so that you have documentation to defend taking the children away from their father. You don't want a kidnapping charge.

Then, talked a lot with your friend. Try to line up some temporary housing in Houston, and even some job interviews. Know what schools your children will be attending, and find a lawyer or shelter in Houston to coordinate with so that your children aren't vulnerable.

Save cash, and sell as much as you can for cash now. Is your name on the loan for the trailer? In your case, it's best if it isn't.

Write down all the credit card numbers you have and your husband has. Write and tell all those companies you won't be responsible for any more debt because you are divorcing. Send those return receipt requested.

And finally, right before you get on the plane, wipe out your bank accounts. Empty them of every penny. I wouldn't tell you to do this for any other reason than your husband is a child-abuser. He is evil.

Busy, please check out ForMaddie's post on Emotional Needs.
I'm sorry no one else has responded to you, but you can get some good insights over there.