Hi everyone!
Sorry I haven't posted in a while, but I've been spending time just enjoying life for what it is and in trying to think of how to express what I feel today vs. what I felt almost a year ago.
OK, some background for those who don't know me:
Dec 06 I found out that my wife of 2 years was having a lesbian affair with a butch co-worker. I exposed to her family, mine and her management, it went underground for a while.. I *tried* to plan A (didn't do a very good job) then in March she gave me the line about wanting to move out "to think and reconsider the marriage". After she moved out, I confirmed that the A was indeed still ongoing, and I told her to move out permanantly, which she did. Had no contact with her whatsoever, and am in the process of finalizing the D (should be done by Nov this year).
To date, almost all of her friends thinks she's left me because I "lacked ambition" and she wanted to focus on her career... no word of her A or anything (of course). I don't know if the A is still ongoing, and neither do I care anymore. My friends know the truth, as do my family and God, and that's good enough for me.
Not quite the MB success story you were waiting to hear, eh? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Well, let me tell you what MB did for me:
1. Helped me to see my own faults in the marriage
2. Helped me to understand that while there are no excuses for an A, there are reasons
3. Helped me to define my boundaries on what I could and could not tolerate in a marriage. My boundary was simply "I will no be part of a 3-way relationship!"
4. Gave me the strength to tell her I would not put up with the lies and deception anymore, when all I could think of was to hold on to a broken marriage cos I thought I had nothing else.
5. Helped me to move from the point of utter helplessness to a point where I could tell myself "It's not my fault and I deserve better"
6. But probably one of the most important things MB did for me was to help me put my thoughts out there, to be seen and heard by all you wonderful people who it seemed at times, knew me better than I knew myself... simply because you had been in a similar situation or had seen countless others who were in that situation. Thank you! Thank you!
Anyway, since then, by the grace of God, I have moved career-wise from being the "unambitious" person to management level at another company, earning twice what I was when she left me. How's that for karma? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
I've started dating a few women, my confidence is back and have more friends now than before. I enjoy life more, took up a exciting hobby which I think I'm going to pursue more seriously (SCUBA diving) and am more attentive to my own family.
So for those who are still struggling out there.. Hang on! MB works, and even if it doesn't work 100%,or if things don't work out for you (and I sincerely hope it DOES work out for you), its not the end of the world!
Dev
