MiM, my heart is racing now.

When I look at the contact edit, she shows as an IM contact. I had to install the MSN messenger on this computer last night as I never use it.

How do I check the history? I do have it turned on now.

You'll need to turn it on when he's logged on to MSN Messenger. It saves individual settings for each user.

Assuming the default location was not changed, the history files will be located in his "My Documents\My Received Files" folder. There will be a folder in there starting with the first part of his e-mail address and a string of numbers. Inside that folder you'll set "History", and in that you'll see a bunch of XML files for each person he's spoken to via IM. Double-clicking on any of them will open them up in Internet Explorer for viewing.

Sorry you're going through this now. I know exactly the feeling you're referring to.

the folder is empty.

does it matter that the computer he would be using is at work, and not this one?

This may not help, since it's not msn ... but I use AOL and it adds addresses to my contact list of anyone who even also recieves an e-mail that I got.

So my SIL sends jokes out to lists of people, and all of the people she sends it to end up on my contacts list. All of those names will try to come up as options in an auto-fill when I start typing an address in an e-mail.

Don't know if that happens in msn, though.

Yes, it has to be turned on on the computer that he uses to do IM. I know the latest version of MSN Messenger will keep some of a user's settings if they log on to a different PC, but I don't think the "history" setting is one of them.

Have you told him about your discovery yet?

okay, so my computer would not show his correspondence.

Got it.

No, MiM. I haven't told him. He does lurk on MB sometimes, so he may know. But he's been pretty busy.

Do you think there is any other explanation?

I keep going back in my head. I KNOW she wasn't there before. She shows as an IM contact.

I know. I'm repeating myself.

I don't know what to do.

Do you have any friends who are real tech gurus? Maybe sit down with one of them and show them exactly what you've found, and explain the situation clearly. It is possible you are being cheated on again, and it is also possible that this could be happening from when he used msn messenger "way back when". Please find out ASAP before you make yourself sick!

I'm trying to rationalize here, that it was from "way back when," but the name wasn't there before. I know. I've been on it 100 times. Believe me, I've scoured for her name everywhere on his $hit. He was very good. He deleted EVERYTHING. If it wasn't for her dumba$$, they never would have been caught as she had archived files on her email that her husband found.

I don't know anyone that is a tech guru. Well, my brother, but Oh God, I don't want to tell him about this. He'll blow a gasket.

Your brother sounds like a great idea to me!

but if this turns out to be nothing, I'll look like an idiot.

Don't doubt yourself, whatever else you may do. You know you checked, and you know it wasn't there. Now it is. You are not losing it, you did not overlook it. You are not insane, and you didn't just forget.

No, really, I think a beloved family member is your best bet. He will understand your fear, and if turns out to be unfounded, he will cheer along with you. If your worst fears are realized, he can hold you while you cry. Don't you think?? Naturally this only applies if you have a close relationship with your brother. I just hate to see you suffer a needless length of time, while you are in limbo trying to figure this out.

thank you, neak. I do need to be reminded of that.

Setfree, my brother and I are close enough, I suppose. But he can be extremely cold, sometimes. In the months following DDay, he called me very little. He just didn't want to hear it. (And no, he would never hold me while I cry, nope.)

Now ... deep breath. It's all I can do not to call him up and ask him about this NOW. But I'm waiting till tonight.

Really, this is insane. He has been really wonderful, attentive, like a husband I never knew before. We renewed our vows, for criminy's sake. He goes to church now. We go together.

Maybe (thinking out loud) they had some short conversation (IM) or something? But the thing is he didn't tell me. That's lying by omission, right? And about something crucial.

I have always had blurry boundaries. I have always accepted too much to be "okay" when it was really dead wrong. I don't want to do that again.

I agree, you should ask him right away.
I believe he would want to put your worried mind at ease.
I'm sure he would tell you how much he loves and appreciates you. Further more, I think he would appreciate you checking on him and keeping that little voice that talks to you properly informed.
As you stated, he is a new person in his, yours, and God's heart.
I'm sure you will be relieved to know that he has honored the No contact agreement, and is proud to stand before you as an upright man with nothing to hide.
I believe that he is as surprised as you are to find something that neither of you can explain and he will try his best to convince you of that.
He treasures you and his second chance...
(((((((((((((My Darling RLT))))))))))))))))

WOW! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

FWHofRLT is obviously Mr. RLT---

Alrighty then ...

I told you he might be lurking on here.

What do I am of this?

I talked to him on the phone.

He says he is as surprised as I am.

He doesn't know how it got there.

What am I to believe?

I would ask that he take a polygraph RLT...

Mrs. W

I actually thought of that, Mrs. W.

And I, like you, very much want to believe him...But I think that for your peace of mind that he should be volunteering to take one...If his post was sincere, I believe he will very much want to prove his innocence to you...As a FWW with nothing to hide, I know that I sure would...

Mrs. W

Well you can bet he's reading this, Mrs. W. We'll see if he makes the offer.

I think it is sad when the integrity of the words of your best friend and partner for life have be to put to a polygraph.