I agree with Believer about counseling...BUT IMO, that needs to be put off until he takes and passes the test. If he doesn't...again IMO...he isn't worth going through any more of this crapp over.

The truth needs to be the foundation that you can build upon. Without that...there is no need for counseling.

MEDC, you called this one from the start and I agree with your opinion above.

RLT, I am so sorry you are going through this, again. I completely understand where you are right now. I understand the devastation that will continue to unravel for the days and weeks to come.

I agree with Medc, Owl, MiM and Mrs. W. A polygraph does need to happen. It took my H 3 wks, before the test, to come clean about everything. NOW, I know what my real reality is so I can make decisions for myself. Things are really going to start to fall into place now. I'm still getting new revelations every day. Things make sense now.

However, I would allow yourself some time before you make any rash decisions. Don't feel like you have to make any decisions right now. You don't need the extra pressure. Just take all the time you need to let this sink in. You have plenty of time to decide if it's worth it to you to continue.

I just made a new e-mail acct for you if you'd like to talk. It's [email]mopey100@gmail.com.[/email] Don't feel bad if you don't want to talk. I'll understand. A wonderful poster here did that for me and I was happy to have it. She's awesome.

You need IC desperately, but in the meantime, I can recommend some help for you if you want it.

It's a horrible place to be, I know. But now is where you'll begin your path to true healing, with or without Mr. RLT.

[[[[[RLT]]]]]]]

HAP...it really wasn't a tough one for me to see...IMO, liars lie. WS are by their very nature liars...so, simple enough.
There are a few other people here that could benefit from these as well....but bottom line is there are too many BS that are afraid of the WS or FWS to request such a test. IMO, it is the least that a wayward can do to help repair some of the damage they have done. Four hours out of their lives to make a HUGE difference for their loved one....sorry, but I just don't see it as being a problem unless they are lying.
I would venture guess that quite a few people here that are in "recovered" marriages would be surprised to see that there FWS are indeed still hiding very important details. Unless there is a clean sweep of details ...rather than a BS needing to find things out by dribs and drabs..I say hook up the machine. At the very least it can stop the questioning regarding the facts of the affair...and the BS will know the truth and decide to move forward on not based on that. How many recoveries on this board have been stalled because the FWS...who really hasn't earned the moniker "former" until 100% honesty has been given....I have seen a lot. Looking back... a polygraph before vow renewal could have saved a lot of trouble for RLT...now, sadly, she has even more things to recover from.

RLT,

I am really sorry for what you are going through.

he agreed to the polygraph.

can anyone direct me where to go to have this done?

That wouldn't surprise me at all. As a BS, I think we all at one point or another suspect that there's "more to the story", stuff so bad that the FWS can't say it to anyone.

BTW - I asked my FWW about an hour ago if she would submit to a polygraph test if I asked for one. She replied she was "not sure", and when I asked her why, she said that she might agree to it, but she's not sure how useful it would be, because apparently they aren't reliable enough.

polygraph tests are over 98% accurate...I think that is reliable enough.

Medc....



This is so true. The BSs ARE afraid to even ask. And, they could save themsevles TONS of grief if they do a poly in the beginning to get it all out in the open.

Anyone who refuses a test has something to hide. Period.

what state do you live in?

medc,

I live in Colorado, near Denver.

I got my polygrapher from the yellow pages. She had been in law enforcement for over 20 yrs and use to work with sexual offenders. She knew her stuff.

I also called and spoke with the poly examiners at our local sheriff's offices. They made me feel better about the accuracy of the tests. I also did a lot of research on them too so I would know what the "results" meant and how they come to their conclusions. I also did that research before I picked my examiner so I could determine if they were legit. That was very helpful.

Basically, the whole thing sucked but was very necessary.

I can't say I know of anyone out there...although I believe Michael Martin...who is pretty well known and respected...should cover that area.
Really, just check your local yellow pages and see if the places have websites...you are looking for experience here...ask for a CV.

I checked Martin does handle your area but charges a premium price because he needs to fly there. Find a local expert.

Agree with this 100%...Personally, I would LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to take a polygraph test to demonstrate to Mr. W just how honest I've been...Mr. W isn't interested-doesn't want to spend the money-lol-I guess a big part of him not wanting to is the fact that I go out of my way to show him how trustworthy that I am now...I'd do anything to show him how committed to our marriage that I am...My gosh, I'd go to the ends of the earth just to thank him for taking me back...

RLT, I'm happy to hear that your husband has agreed to take the polygraph...Please follow through with it...((((RLT))))

Mrs. W

you are a good woman Mrs W. we spar on occasion...but you are a very good woman.

Thank you MEDC...I think of you as a good man too...If I didn't like ya, I wouldn't bother to spar with ya, I'd just ignore ya-besides it keeps things interesting! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W

Mrs. W.,



I would like to share my life with a male version of you in a husband.

I pray that he gets there mopey...Does he read here? All the heartbreak and devastation? When you do that, AND have a spouse willing to forgive, well, it's hard not to have a big change of attitude...I read somewhere the other day that the word "repent" actually means "to change your mind"...This place helps with that...so does reading what the Bible has to say about adultery...I also had the opportunity to read Mr. W's journal from that time-what I put him through was brutal-I would have to be inhuman not to have deep empathy and genuine remorse after that...

Mrs. W

I will pursue the polygraph but at this point I don't really know what difference it will make. I have already been given yet another load of very devestating revelations, putting me on the brink of collapse here.

What makes people think they can do this?

OW was fed a horrible lie! Mr. RLT wanted to end A, so he told her that my daughter and I went to his hotel room and begged him to come back home, and that's what he decided to do.

LIE LIE LIE--he made me sound like some week, bumbling fool, using my daughter as a prop to get him to come home. In FACT, I called my lawyer that weekend to file for divorce. I was DONE WITH HIM!!

Why didn't he just leave me alone and let me do it.

It would be behind me now.

He'd have his fat a$$ girlfriend.

I would at least be able to breathe right now.

I want to call her right now and let her know the truth.