I'm an old-timer when it comes to MB, and haven't posted on this forum for years, but I have a question.

I've been a Christian all my life, and my relationship with the Lord is the most important thing in my life to me. Anyone I would ever marry would have to have that as a very important part of their life as well.

I've just met a man who is a Chistian, but has only been one for about 2+ years. I don't know him all that well yet, so I'm still learning about his beliefs and faith, etc.

But I'm not sure how to proceed. The more time we spend together, the more we seem to click just as people (and of course, there is the chance that more emotional attachment will occur). But time is what is needed to realy determine if in this very important area we are compatible.

I know as Christians we aren't to be joined in marriage with non-Christians, but I don't often hear advice about a mature Christian and a new Christian. Am I putting too much emphasis on this or is this an area I need to pay close attention to?

Any comments or advice would be welcome. Thanx!

Your question reminds me of the parable where the landowner hires a bunch of men early on. He contracts to pay them X for a days work. At the end of the day, he also hires another man, and again agrees to pay him X.

I don't think God weighs are faith in him by how long we've called ourselves Christian. However, on a practical level, if you consider this man's spiritual journey as lagging behind yours, there's going to be additional friction in your relationship.

I think that God loves and forgives an older "Christian" that has become judgemental just as much as he loves and forgives a new eager Christian. Don't think that you aren't good enough. Go for it and you may learn something.

i think what matters more is the person's heart. you could have an old dead Christian who's been saved for decades and sits in their pew unmoved or a recent Christian who could be on-fire for God. i think what matters is the person's walk compared to your own. if you read your bible daily and pray, do they also or only pick it up on sundays? kinda like what greengables said if their journey is lagging.

What if he has a steady job, good income, great personality, very kind and gentle, and understands you and supports you all the time? and he supports your religious beliefs?

then what if he also cooks and cleans? does windows?

then what if he his an MB follower?

how much weight are you going to put on religious status in your eyes?

wiftty. . .
(all of the above BUT an aetheist) just to add more than one dimension to the discussion. . .
still a good catch for someone. . .

Beuhler? Beuhler?

i personally would not get involved in a relationship with an atheist. he could be all the things you mentioned and it would not matter. my partner needs to share my beliefs. i need someone who will go to church with me and be involved in church with me.

a non believer would bring me down. bottom line. plain and simple.

come on wifty, the bible.. unequally yoked...

as far as new christian vs long time one... i would be a light for him. be an example of what following god looks like. pray together, etc... he will grow in time. we were all new at it once.

mlhb

But is someone who's been a Christian for years (as have I: I was baptized at birth), necessarily a light?
I don't think there's a causal relationship there. "Long time in a church makes you become a shining light." Look at Pariah's ex. (Sorry, Pariah, but from your posts, she's the darkness itself.)

I would also look at Wiffty's post as sheding some interesting light on the "equally yoked." I doubt very much God cares so much that two people have exactly the same religious beliefs or fervor. I think it's more about the relationship between the two and what each brings to the relationship. Just imagine a small donkey and a big ox pulling a chart. They'd go in circles!

equally yoked means you both accept christ as your savior. you are both christians, both saved.

i think the question brought to the forum indicates that she is a practicing christian who is dating someone who is practicing as well, but new to it. that is why i say she can be a light for him. she could answer his questions, help him to get to know god better, etc...

there are many different scenerios you could discuss that have nothing to do with her question. my ex was supposedly saved. he does not practice his supposed beliefs though. i was saved too so we were equally yoked. however, the fact that he was not a practicing christian at times brought me down. since he didn't go to church, i usually wouldn't, etc... then when i did get more involved in church, he did NOT follow suit. if i could have stuck out the marriage maybe he would have followed suit eventually by my guidance. i do still pray that for him.

anyway, i simply address the posters question with my answers.

mlhb

I think equally yoked is being misconstrued here in so many ways.

Remember, the reference is to oxen that are pulling a cart. If you put an older and stronger ox with a younger and less trained ox, the older ox will tend to pull the cart to it's side and you may not be able to pull the heavy load down a straight road. The cart will run off the road and become bogged down in the ditch or the side of the road or whatever the case may be.

Now that's an interesting question. How do you tell if two people are going to be equally yoked? I don't think it can be counted by number of years.

I don't know that I automatically consider a Christian of 2 years as a newbie. How is their walk? Have they endured any real difficult trials? Do you see where I am going? I've seen some Christians of only a few years that are far deeper in their commitment and far more passionate about their relationship with Jesus than some of a lifetime. I've seen some Christians of a few years that have endured trials and difficulties that make me think my life is a cakewalk.

So I think the question or focus should turn on something else. Why are you asking this question?

I have two areas I want to explore (and there certainly may be others)...

1. Are you looking at this from a purely legalistic perspective? The Word says, the years aren't equal, therefore I must obey?

If that is the case, remember that Jesus came to develop an individual relationship. The old law was over 600 instructions such as whether or not you could eat an egg that a hen laid on a Sunday. And I think it was Paul that said he had broken no law and was blameless and yet what did he urge? The personal relationship with Jesus meant far more than any law. I could write volumes on this, but I'll leave it there. If this particular scenario fits, I think I've given you enough to think about at least to go down that road.

2. Are you asking this question because your instinct or intuition tell you that this is unequal? If that is the case, you are having those thoughts for some reason. Often times we don't trust our insticts enough. But be careful because our instincts and feelings can betray us to. I think you should examine where this concern is coming from.

If there is a substantial difference in the actual relationship and walk, then it may be founded. Notice I make no reference to years as a Christian. This could easily lead us back to #1 or other reason as well. If the concerns are born of something else, look at that. Is it because someone said something to you? Are they a pastor or an elder that perhaps you should pay more attention to or is it the judgment of someone in the next row over that is perhaps being legalistic or judgmental.

There is no easy answer to this.

I tend to be far wiser in words than I am in my own experience and life and so you should view everything I say in a skeptical manner. I don't know if I can rely on wisdom of thought since I can't seem to translate that into my own life, but there it is for what it's worth.

In the end, take the matter up in prayer. You could take it under advisement and counsel as well but be careful where you go.

Remember, the Word is there not to hold us back or to limit us or restrict us. Those writings wanted us to be fulfilled and complete and upright. If there is a problem with the yoking here, though it may seem difficult now there is for your own better good. If there isn't a problem, perhaps this is an opportunity to learn and grow on your own and strengthen your own walk.

If I only I had heeded my own thoughts on this before, I wouldn't have the screen name "thirddivorce"

mlhb, I still don't see how come she could guide his walk based simply on her length of years in the church. However, if this is indeed the case, and she would be guiding his path, answering his questions, they would indeed be unequal. She would become a "teacher" which is radically different from a mate, lover or spouse.

mycatsmom,
i believe through prayer and counsel (why not talk to your pastor or pastor's wife), you will learn the answers to your questions. altho there are differences in length of your walk (ie, new Christians as babes needing milk, not meat), i believe length of time isn't as relevant as the person's heart & walk. it sounds like you're still early in this dating process and can use this as an opportunity to find the answer. if you're at different churches, invite him to church with you one Sunday and then go to his another just to get a feel of things. is one of you involved in ministries (ie, singing or teaching) and the other not? there's a lot to consider besides just years.

Can I offer a view from the outside? To put it in perspective, I'm not particularly religious but I was raised in a Christian home and I know the bible and all the customs. What sets Christianity apart from other religions is that it is available to everyone - i.e. you don't have to be able to trace your decendants to Abraham or anyone - anyone can join. But if a "new" Christian is treated differently, as the OP and many of the respondants in this thread are doing, then is Christianity REALLY open to anyone who accepts Christ? If this person has fulfilled the requirements of Christianity, is that not enough? I'm sure I'm misreading something, but I detect a smidgen of religious snobbery here. This is one of the reasons I tend to gravitate away from organized religion. I hope I'm wrong.

Wanna face religious snobbery?

Have your church shun you because your wife had an affair and is now divorcing you.

The title of this post makes me cringe. Sorry.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

So the "time" you've been a Christian makes you "better" than others? You aren't comfortable being with other Christians who aren't as educated/knowledgable/Godly as you because you found Christ first? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> What about all those people who mentored, encouraged, prayed for, taught, and dealt with 'you' when you started your path?

YIKES.

If you've met a man that you like, then God has put him in your life for a reason.

Perhaps humility.

UpandRunning

Wow, this thread has gone so far away from the original topic and misconstrued so badly the original question and the teachings behind it (at least in my opinion).

I think the assertions that avoiding being unequally yoked doesn't leave Christianity open to everyone is meritless nor do I think it's judgmental. I don't know if it was directed at the topic in general or my individual reply, but look careful at my reply, if anything I was urging against legalism and for a relationship with Jesus.

But let's get this in better focus and back on topic. Remember what Paul's teachings were??? It would be better for us if we could not marry. Why? Because Jesus needs to be #1 in our lives (according to Christian tenants) and a spouse makes that very difficult, spouse wants to be #1 and when we're in love we want to put that person in the #1 position. But Paul said that he knew this was a difficult teaching that not every one would be able to keep.

And that's where the instructions on not being unequally yoked came from. This is not about judging. There isn't a better Christian. The focus isn't against the other person but on yourself. Any marriage will have a tendency to tug against and compete with our individual relationships with Jesus. Only a relatively equally yoked pairing produces a compimentary environment that is the least of that tendency.

Marriage is about being a help meet, a pairing, a complementary situation and in the end a completion. It's not a teacher/student or mentor/apprentice relationship. We can only guess why God has put that particular man in your path. It may be that you are more equal than you realize. Or your purpose there may be entirely different than a relationship. Or worse yet, his presence may be for your own growth and an unequal relationship may be a failure in that.

But I don't know the situation. Remember, my original question was to direct you to search why you were asking this question. I suspect there is more to the story (and you don't need to share it here with us) and that's what left you with that particular question. I explored two possible scenarios that I can imagine (and it may be something entirely different).

And again as I've said, I have utterly failed in the past in those areas in my life and I only offer this as my opinion and my understanding of the question you asked and suggest you take the matter under advisement and prayer and not my suggestion alone.