I've been really looking foward to going to a high school football game tonight and seeing some of the parents and teachers that I haven't seen since DD graduated this past spring. Well, I just found out that XWH is a coach for the opposing team. He's done a great job at wiping me out of his (and his sons') life. Now, I find a hundred different thoughts running through my head.

Why can't he stay out of my life?
Maybe it would be best to stay away.
Why should I change my plans for him?
Wonder how his wife (OW) looks since having baby (she was already fat).
The 40 something grandma sure got what she deserved!
Talking to her would mess with his head and help my team.
His sister will probably come and she scares me!
I hope he sees me (I look hot).
Why should I care what he thinks.
I care because I once loved him and he hurt me.
I know I'll never get the apology I want.
I'm so grateful that I have a wonderful boyfriend.
How can I trust my judgement after marrying XWH?
BF is busy but said he will come by later in full motorcycle gear. (LOL! Christian private schools)

I think what is the worst is that I now feel like I have to go to prove to myself that I'm not a coward. I still allow him to have some power over me. My relationship with BF is getting serious, but those old hurts keep lingering. It's so hard to trust. I'm terrified of being hurt again.

I was so looking forward to a night of fun and now it's a night to face my deamons or run and hide. Stuborn me, I'll face my deamons and probably p!$$ them off.

I don't understand how his coaching the other team is "staying in your life". I'm assuming his son's played...wouldn't this be HIS territory??? Go to the game if you want to, he'll be all the way on the other side of the field and will probably be too busy coaching to look for you in the stands...
You sound really jealous of the new wife, you're hoping he sees you because you look hot, you want to mess with his head by talking to his wife..... and yet you say that you're so grateful for having a wonderful boyfriend???

Yes I'm jealous. I still love my stepsons like my own, but they were told horrible lies and brainwashed. I now have no contact with them. I was looking forward to the years when they got married and had kids of their own. Now, she will hold those grandbabies, not me.

Still, I've never really been angry at OW and don't want XWH back. I have to admit they make a good match. But just because I don't love him now, doesn't mean that my heart and ego weren't broken.

Oldest SS and DD graduated from the school I am going to watch. XWH was fired from that school over A. I had planned to go to the game (a few blocks from my house) to see friends even before I found out that he is now coaching the opposing team. He has to be there and I don't. I still feel like he's intruding on my turf.

XWH's family is very vengeful and assumes that everyone else is as well. As a result, he is very uncomfortable around me. Although I would never hurt any of his family, It would be a little wicked fun to make them uncomfortable by going up and being nice. (Of course I'm all talk and will stay away from the visitor's side. Did I mention that XSIL scares me!)

I sometimes think it would have been easier if he had left me for someone young and beautiful instead of this "family friend" that looks like Rozanne Barr with bleached blond hair. I know we had problems and ultimately he gave up, but insecurity asks "what's wrong with me?". Maybe I'm full of myself thinking that he will notice me, but these are very small schools and he will probably be in the press box right above where I sit. I wish I didn't want this validation, but it would be an ego boost to get noticed. (Like getting whistled at by a construction worker.)

Mainly I question my judgement. How could I marry a man that could be so cruel to me and DD? How can I be sure I'm not making a mistake again in the future? My relationship with BF is at the point where we are talking about future. I love BF and want to trust him completely, but that fear keeps intruding. How do I know that he won't leave too? X represents that fear, or at least the reasons for that fear. It's shocking that he suddenly pops into my life when I'm at this point with BF. It's almost like if I can face X then I can face that fear and move past it with BF.

I used to be such a trusting person. I'm angry that I've lost that innocence. I resent that my life (even if it was bad) was taken away from me. I'm terrified of losing the great new life I have.

so how did it go?

As usual I overstressed before hand and things went fine. I sat with some teachers and parents that I haven't had the chance to see in awhile and had fun. BF and his DD showed up later and got a kick out of me yelling for my team. (He didn't grow up around football.)

Best part. BF asked me to point out X. (BTW X is over 300 lbs and I'm about 130.) BF looked at X and looked at me like some things just weren't physically possible and told me that X is an idiot. I guess that's what I really wanted to hear. His DD said that I could do better and gave a sly smile toward her father like she approves of the match.

I could have walked over to annoy X but I didn't feel any need or desire to. I had everything I needed right there on my side with me. I enjoyed the game and had a great weekend with BF and his daughter.

Sounds like you did well!