It's been 9 months since I've had the affair thrown in my face, lost all trust for spouse - how/when does trust ever come back, or does it? We were working on our marriage, but in the past few months, things are back to the way they were before d-day, so I am suspicious that he's started up with his lta again. Afraid to confront, don't trust - where does this viscious circle end?

Trust c/b restored but it is up to the Xws turned back into your real spouse that needs to put in the work.

So what have you read and implemented? C/b time for u 2 to have a chat with Steve H @ MB. He does phone counseling and sets you both up with a recovery plan. Personal then M recovery is possible.

L.

Hi Rexgordo,


Our vicious circle ended when the following happened. I used the word 'ended' loosely because the circle will never end, but the visciousness decreased when I started reaching out for help. (Edited To Add: Sought/found answers to ALL questions Mel lists below in order to get started rebuilding trust. Mel is tough and some don't appreciate her style, but she will help you like she did me/us if you truly want to fix your M.)

1) Dove head first into MB principles (books, CDs, web site)and fired our MC-at-the-time b/c he downplayed Dr. Harley's research methods. (Said his personal experience successes weren't scientifically measured?!?) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

2.) Exposed six months after NC to the Other Woman's Husband (OWH) to have two sets of eyes watching out for reconnection. He sounded in denial on the phone and did not even acknowlege my exposure packet. My WH's helpful attitude during the process helped build my trust.

3.) Found a new MC who is tougher than MB (and embraces MB principles) and started seeing him weekly....now we're up to every 6 weeks. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> MC says we will both need to be vigilent for the rest of our lives, hence it is a never-ending circle. But it's tolerable now as we learn tools to improve our trust-building process.

4.) Read and posted on MB forums regularly, almost hoping to be 2x4d so I would learn faster. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

5.) Rebuilding our relationship with God.....reading, praying and bonding with WH nearly every day/night. Eventually he earned his 'F' as in Former WH. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Rebuilding trust is different for every couple, but that is what's working for us. Check out my "Smiles and Trials 2" thread for my journals and how we've overcome many challenges.

Best wishes to you on this difficult journey. It is a struggle to start rebuilding trust, but once you begin, you can climb aboard the "recovery rollercoaster". In the past 8 months since I registered for MB posting, we have already built the foundation for a far better marriage than we had before H had his As. Story in my sig line.

God bless you.

Ace

The first thing to do is FIND OUT if contact has been resumed. You have nothing to confront WITH until you get the truth, and you won't get that from him.

Who was this affair with?

Has ALL contact ended?

Does the OW's H know about the affair?

Was the affair exposed?

Did he quit his traveling job?

Did he answer all your questions about the affair?

How do you check up on him? Has he given you all his passwords, cell phone records, etc?