I may have kept mouth shut, but I did not disengage LB brain...if ya know what I mean!

I must have caught myself a dozen times, trying to chime in with MC....yeahhhhh...that's right.......you go, MC.....but I refrained. But later after DH left, MC said "you did great, but your eyes were dancin'" ..... He's toooo good at reading body language.

While we patiently await the post I referred to above, I'd love to hear how the MB seminar helped you regarding your relationship with Patriot and "Cheerleading/Enabling/Controlling" concepts. (Does that question raise your housework on the priority list?) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Gotta go to work....I'd much rather do your housework!!!

Ace

mvg-
for my FWH to get on it- came from an issue not directly affair related - but it kinda was. our agreement after Dday was he would be home by 7 or a phone call should take place. I finally stopped mothering him . . . calling at 6 or 630 to see how far out he was to start dinner . . . I was not allowing him to regain my trust. . . so I KEPT my mouth shut and waited for him not to call.

Then I inquired if he remembered the agreement and still thought it was workable. His yes statement then allowed me to inform him I have 3 kids not 4- it was time for him to step up and take responsiblity for himself and do his part in the marriage. I also pointed out that to me by him to agreeing to what he felt was aceptable was being placing himself back in his world of Mr. AM world- where only his needs exist. So for two weeks he has been better about this- as well he has been working on providing other EN of mine- which makes it sooo easy to put deposits in his account. NOW thats a great cycle to be in.

AM

So, about that housework... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

amartini that is a good cycle! I might have to take a page out of your book...I'll think on it. Thanks for your input.

Keeping mouth shut has been one of the HARDEST things I have to do. I've done very well (pat on back), not perfect but very well.

Honestly- it was artor who pointed out that if I never gave my FWH a chance to be trusted I could never learn to retrust him again (of course trusting with eyes WIDE open)

And yes the mouth shut kills me- I have so many little DJ's about the OW and affair junk (which are funny IMO) but I try to keep them to myself.

I tend to have that little conversation in my head- will what I am about to say help or hurt. . . then I decided what I should do.

I do struggle with handicaping all the boys in my house- you know sometimes it's just easier to do it myself- then to use my energy (mental usually) to negotiate with them all. I am whipped- living with three boys and a man- oh!
AM

Y'know, Artor posted to my first thread nearly 12 hours after I hit submit....I nearly gave up. Decided to check my goose egging thread one last time about 2 AM and there was one little post by Artor. He's helped us tremendously.

Glad he's helped you, too AM. Sure hope things are looking up for his wife and him.

Ace

I know- I hope no news means good news.

Yes he, LA and Lgolfer have helped alot. Now I just wish I could have one day- 24 hours that I don't have some sort of thought that I am married to someone who was unable to keep his rocket in his pocket! Amnesia for a day would be great! Wish he could give me that for Christmas.

My deep fear in all this mess- is that I will never ever get over the hurt (yes it is subsiding- but it is there everyday)- sometimes I just think I would be so happier if I was just not in this situation. But then I look at my list of pros for staying with him and I think- hmmm there are more positives than negatives- and that darn love thing. You know my self defeating attitude is what kills me- I hate that. Oh well just a little venting.

Have a good one- I am working on cleaning the house and just popped in for a 10 min. break.
AM

My clipboard is acting up...gotta reboot. I'll repost after.

LA

Didya get that clipboard rebooted or fixed yet, LA?

Acey

I hope LA's computer isn't dead.

Well I'll be...I CANNOT rate this again! NO star option that I can find. Darnit!!!

We NEED the 5 (FIVE) stars back....this could cause some serious problems with the OCD folks if it stays at 1. Come on someone rate to 5 pleeeeaaassseee?! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Hmmmmm. mvg. What's the deal with that? Here [color:"orange"] *****[/color] <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I think I've seen LA posting, but maybe she just can't cut and paste anything.

Yooo Whoooo...LA...are you out there? (Does your star rating button work.....mvg is having a fit here.)

Acey

I just rated it 5 stars, but it didn't show up!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

How does the star system work? Do lots of people rate it and the average is what shows on the screen?

Hi Saturn.......how ya doin?

I rated a thread once and it showed up right away. (Can't remember for the life of me which one and whether or not the rating still stands, but it's not worth bothering Justuss about when she has so many other things to do.)

Thanks for trying. This thread has helped me soooo much that of any thread I've started, this one definitely deserves 5 stars..... (that way it might help more posters struggling with enabling/controlling issues than without the stars).

I didn't give much credence to the star rating system at first when I saw Idiotville was rated a 3 star....of course I resented that thread (before I realized what RIF said about it being an enticement for veterans to return) so the 3 stars seemed like an insult to me then. But not now...it doesn't really matter that much....except to mvg!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Gotta love ya, mvg! Thanks for the kudos....those are worth far more than 5 measley stars!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Acey

[color:"orange"] * * * * *[/color]
Ha! not the gold stars but better than nothing! LOL


I just didn't want to send any OCD friends into a 'fit'! LOL LOL LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

I had another challenge involving my progress with NOT being a controller. I did it....but still had a horrible trial.

It's on my Smiles and Trials 2 recovery forum thread.

I remembered things from this thread and the renters thread...sorta, except when I forgot them and LB'd. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Ace

Oh Ace I hear ya. I struggled all last week with wanting to CONTROL. Thankfully SL and LovingAlong really hung with me and I made it through! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Glad you made it through, mvg. Baby step by baby step...one at a time....we'll all make it.

Hey Froz.......if you're reading this, FH posted a new thread on the Recovery forum regarding the question brought up regarding whether being a Christian or not will affect the restoration of trust and enhance the possibility for rebuilding trust to pre-A levels.

I mentioned that it might fit here, but I'm now glad he posted it where he did.

Thanks,
Ace

SerenitySoon was looking for this thread.

HAPPY NEW YEAR