Letting go takes love.<P>Letting go does not mean to stop caring, it means I can't take responsibility for someone else.<P>Letting go is not cutting others off, but the realization I can't control others.<P>Letting go is not enabling but allowing others to learn from natural consequences.<P>Letting go is admitting powerlessness, which means that the outcome is not in my hands.<P>Letting go is not to try to change or blame another; it is making the most of myself.<P>Letting go is not to care for but rather it is caring about others.<P>Letting go is not to diagnose but to support.<P>Letting go is not judging others but is allowing them to be a fallible human being.<P>Letting go refuses to arrange or guarantee results and allows others to make choices that determine their own destinies.<P>Letting go refuses to protect others from reality but encourages one to face the facts.<P>Letting go is not regretting the past but growing and living for the future.<P>Letting go is fearing less and loving more.<P>Author Unknown.<P>------------------<BR>7Habits (Dane)<BR>"The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them." Einstein.<BR>

Wow! Thanks 7Habits...

Ditto, What a perfect ending to my "Dear Jane" letter.

Thanks 7 Habits<P>For many of us it has taken awhile to get to the point of letting go. We have been chasing, clinging, manipulating, judgemental, making our spouse feel guilty.<BR>All the things that don't work. We actually make things worse by doing these things that we believe will lead to getting back the one we love.<P>Letting go does not mean giving up on getting back together. But it does allow space for healing and growing that needs to take place.<P>A great web site to learn more about letting go is <A HREF="http://www.divorceasfriends.com" TARGET=_blank>www.divorceasfriends.com</A>

okay, guys I am a little confused. Letting go means all that, but doesn't the Plan A and Plan B that Dr. Harley and this website speak about a little bit of those items we are not suppossed to do? Plan A is for us to stay to be nice, be there, be supportive (even during frontal affair), and show them how we as spouses have changed and will change to convince them to give reconciliation a chance. Plan B is a form of manipulation (sort of). It protects the wayward spouse but it also puts pressure on the betrayer and makes them face reality. I have felt both of these plans are somewhat of a strategy and "game" tactics. But, you know what I am still doing them, and I think its my only chance.

Thank You All for your responses. I ran across this information in a divorce seminar. It was extremely helpful, although I was kicking and screaming the whole time. I thought, "I don't want to let go. I don't want this divorce. I want her to change her mind. I want to do something to fix this." Sound familiar?<P>Letting go is not giving up. I am convinced that there is a time and a season for strategy. But there is also a limitation. I think that Plan B does not work unless you can effectively "let go." Plan A does not work either when the spouse does not care or does not respond. Letting go does not mean you quit trying. It is realizing you can't manipulate the other person, or rig the outcome. You and your spouse are finding individual ways out of this mess, and you may again find each other. It means respecting the other persons right to choose, to exercise their free will. It is one of the many roadblocks that smacked me in the face a couple of weeks ago. <P>What it did for me was good. It helped me to change my perspective. I know now that the only way I can win her back is to be a better me! If it works then I think I will be happy. If it doesn't work then I think I will be happy. Whatever the outcome, I realized that I can only control what I think and how I act. And, by the way, I choose to let God have His way. I put Him in control. That, of course, is a daily choice, just like "letting go."<P><P>------------------<BR>7Habits (Dane)<BR>"The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them." Einstein.<BR>

Izzy<P>Read the book "Love Is Letting Go Of Fear" by Dr. Jampolsky<P>As I learned to let go of the things that were not in my control, I found greater peace with myself. I finally realized I was fighting everything that I could not change, and it was making me feel miserable.<P>Now, I realize this whole experience that I am going through, is about learning and growing. Once I realized all the things that I was fearing, would probably not become reality, I was able to let go of those fears.<P>Bottom line, is that no matter what happens, you will be O.K. It surely doesn't feel that way now, but think back over the course of your life, remember all the things you feared would happen to you. How many of them actually did?<P>7 Habits<P>I was responding with my post when you were responding with yours.<P>You were able to say it better than me. Thanks<P>If its Gods will for us to get back with our spouses, than it will happen. You need to rely on faith, that you are going through this experience for a reason. For myself, I believe it is for me to help and teach others about marriage relationships. To be part of a movement across this Country, that, DIVORCE IS NOT THE ANSWER<p>[This message has been edited by M Go BLUE (edited October 11, 1999).]

M Go Blue,<P>Thanks for the response. I guess you could say that letting go also applies to fears, although that seems to be a by-product of letting go of the one person that you really don't want to go away. We all want to get rid of our fears. It is more difficult to set free whom we really want to stay. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do.<P>I hope you have some good backing. You'll need it to change the course of the country.<P><P>------------------<BR>7Habits (Dane)<BR>"The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them." Einstein.<BR>

My counselor gave me a book calles "The Language of Letting Go" by Melody Beattie. It is a daily meditation. I think it really works with this program as it on helping change youself. It start Jan 1 so I skimmed until I got to the correct date now I read the daily thoughts each night. I ear mark and highlight everything that really hits me. One quote is "When we aare ready, when the time is right, and when our Higher Power is ready - we will know what we need to know." There is another one on waiting that I like "Waiting time is not wasted time. Something is being worked out - in us, in someone else, in the Universe." It is amazing how I will be having problems withwaiting or other things and I sit down to read and there is somethingfor me to think about. It is definitely a good book to have.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

SDS,<P>Thanks for the comments, and the info on the book. I thought I would add a note to bring this back to the top for a second look.<BR><P>------------------<BR>7Habits (Dane)<BR>"The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them." Einstein.<BR>