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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 1
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 1 |
I have been married for over 27 yrs. Last fall I found out that my husband resumed a relationship with my sister, after two previous affairs he had with her over the years. Each time he promised it was over, and he wanted our marriage to continue. After this last time I left home,got my own place, and a job. He kept calling me assuring me that it was over, and that we needed to reconcile. Our grown children purchased us tickets to attend a marriage seminar in the area I was living in. My husband came to town, and we attended the conference. While we were there my husband was struck by a car while crossing the street to enter the hotel where the seminar was being held. He has been in recovery for over 7 months and unable to work. I quit my job and moved home to care for him. Now he is starting to get better, and I feel overwhelmed by feelings of hurts and loss. I am just now starting to deal with all that has happened. How do I start to trust him again? He has only attended two counseling sessions in the 10 months, since I found out what was going on. He tells me he loves me and wants things to work, and yet he has made a lot of choices that have hurt me deeply in the last few months. He has continued to do things that bring pain to our relationship. At this point I am dead inside. I live each day on this teeter totter up and down, up and down. I can't quit leave and yet I find it hard to stay. Now What? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837 |
Hi Blair,
Welcome to MB. Sorry u r here.
Ok, let's start you on our basic steps to personal recovery.
1. Read SAA (surviving an affair) & HNHN (his needs/her needs). Both are by Harley.
2. Both of you take the EN questionnaire located above.
3. Call Steve for a recovery plan. 1st 4 u then if you both are willing, for the M.
4. You need closure and he needs to regain your trust.
That's a lot for now. Let us know what you get done.
take care,
L.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Has this affair been exposed to your entire family? When did this affair with your sister start? Is she married and does her H know about it? When was the last time he was in contact?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906 |
blairst..
with alll due respect...
I would proceed with filing for divorce...
I would NOT see talk with him at all...
Plan B...in other words....
and then I would not reconcile until he commits to atleast six months of marriage counseling PRIOR to reconciling...
you are wasting your life on this one....
also I hope pray and assume you have NO contact with your low-life sister as well
I mean this respectfully and kindly..
there is NO reason for you to do ANY work
if he wants this marriage...then my man needs to do ALL for the work consistantly for a long time..
his words are empty
it is allll about his actions...
and his actions aren't there....
so detach yourself from pulling him around in the little red wagon behind...you
drop the handle...
and get going and living in this great wonderful world...
ARK
Last edited by ark^^; 09/24/07 08:53 AM.
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 2,033
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 2,033 |
Blair,
""o detach yourself from pulling him around in the little red wagon behind...you drop the handle
AMEN, sister! Love the visual.
Blair must start living for Blair!!
Also, what discussion, if any, do you have with your wicked sister?
kirk
CORDUROY PILLOWS ARE MAKING HEADLINES!!
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 84
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Posts: 84 |
Blair, I read that you have attended a marriage seminar but what (in my opinion) you really need is some good old-fashioned marriage counseling. You BOTH need to go and if he refuses, go alone. A counselor will help you get through this difficult time and provide your with professional help and advice so that you can think clearer and be in a position to make good sound choices.
Quote.
He has continued to do things that bring pain to our relationship
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You did not elaborate what the "things" were but I am assuming he is still seeing your sister? Have you spoken with her to find out why she is ruining your M and your life?
The fact that you took care of him for 7 months shows what type of person you really are. Please be strong and keep reading these posts. We are all in the same boat so-to-speak and have found caring, understanding and advice from these forums.
My thoughts are with you.
AB
Me - 47
W - 45
2 boys. 11 & 13
Together 17 yrs. Married 15 yrs
Me - Faithful 17 yrs.
W - EA. D-Day 9/2006. Recovered. (Mostly)
W - EN issues. Ongoing, but there is hope. That's why I'm here.
What the mind can perceive and believe, it can achieve.
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986
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Joined: Dec 2006
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While we were there my husband was struck by a car while crossing the street to enter the hotel where the seminar was being held. Wow. I think there's a message to your husband in there somewhere. I had a similar situation. My husband nearly died in a car accident and I nursed him back to health. But... if you read my story, don't do what I did. Follow MB the best you can and I promise you that you will heal from this-- with or without your WH.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
�In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.� Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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