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#1945580 09/23/07 01:47 AM
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 1
J
Junior Member
Junior Member
J Offline
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 1
I am only 20 years old and I made the "mistake" that everyone warns against and I married at 19. My husband was 18 at the time. we have only been married for a little over a year and a half and we are having huge problems! Well, huge for us there is no cheating involved or anything... He is a faithful fisherman and worker but...thats all. I was house wife until about 2 months ago. I didnt feel respected then and I diffently dont now. I dont know if it is becasue I'm not here to be his "mommy" anymore or because he just isnt in love anymore. This may be tmi but we dont have a love life anymore either. At 20 years old and still newly married, he shouldnt be able to keep his hands off me. I was bulimic for most of my teen years. I have had small relapses here and there. Well, I promised not to do that anymore and while also promising to be a house wife I have put on an unfortunant 40lbs. He wont say its my weight but he will say if "Well Jen, if you already know then whats the difference in me telling you, besides you going back to your old ways?" So I think that answers that. I said earlier about him being a fishermen well...he is gone fishing at least 2 or 3 nights a week. I will give him the credit that he will invite me to go but, how can I go when I have housework not to mention laying his clothes out for him, packing our lunches for work the next day, and taking a shower and still be able to relax before having to get in bed at a decent hour before getting up the next morning and going to work then doing it all over again? He found this guy from work to go with whom by the way has been in trouble with the law numerous times and has never been married and can barely keep a girlfriend. Well this "friend" doesnt respect anyone and give my husband a hard time about not being able to go fishing without me saying something about wanting at home. Can anyone blame me? I feel so unwanted and missing so much. He claims that I am just being a controling wife and I think he is just wanting to be a bacholar. And I am writing all this at 2:30 am because he is out with his fishing friend again and he was just out with another one last night. All I want is to be treated like I matter. Unfortunatly, I have always had an issue with men starting abck with my father. He left my mom before I was born, my mom thne married an abusive drunk then divorced him, and I had an emotionally abusive boyfriend in high school. I have problems with men in my life. I feel like I deserve at least one man worth having in my life that is going to treat me and everyone else with respect. Maybe I am excepting "movie" romance but I dont think I am asking for too much. I am on the verge of giving up and leaving but I love my husband with all my heart...I just dont feel the love ack that he says he has for me in any form, emotionaly or physically. I am worried that I will never get this in my life.What is a lonely depressed wife to do??

Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 58
A
Member
Member
A Offline
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 58
Good Morning, JF! I am so sorry you are experiencing such huge discouragement at a young age. You found a good site to post. I would suggest you put this post on the "emotional needs" board b/c there are more people there and you have some needs here that people can help you deal with.

A great way to start your process is to read a lot of stuff on this site. Get familiar with terminology and the Basic Concepts. Read the links about emotional needs and love busters etc.

Begin to watch your interaction with your husband so that you are not making it worse by being "controlling" or "nagging." You want to communicate calmly your needs and learn to negotiate instead of demanding. You can learn these things on this site. Eventually you will be able to determine whether you want to stay in it or not--hopefully you both will want to!!!

After you learn some basic communication things, ask him to sit down with you and discuss some things and/or fill out some questionnaires also found on this site.

And God bless you in your journey!

M


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