it's been 5 weeks since d-day and my WH acted so remorseful and sorry for first couple of weeks(answered all my questions) and now he is acting very distant and withdrawn and not very loving. He says he is so tired of me asking me questions all day long and he is mentally beat down. It's been 2 weeks since he last spoke to OW that I know of. Is his behavior normal? I'm just confused because his bahvior tells me he doesn't want to be there.

Plus side is that he is at home and has said he is trying to be happy with me again. Am I crazy?

Sounds like a very normal recovery. Do your best to be as attractive as possible while he goes through withdrawal.


Hopefully, you are watching him like a hawk.

Hopefully he is just in withdrawal, and is acting normally. If no contact continues, he won't be like this for very long.

Will he agree to do things with you? Be sure to try to have some fun, and limit serious discussions to a set period of time.

Last ngt we went to watch football game at a friends house and today we just hung around the house. He was there but it wasn't his normal self - seemed depressed and confused. How in the world do BS not talk about it all the time - that is so hard! He says that all the talking is making him withdraw from me. Is this normal or just an excuse?

How I understand is that he is withdrawing from getting his daily affair fix. He will be cranky and irritable. Everything bad that happens is your fault.

The not talking about it part? Somewhere down the line he is going to have to let you talk about it and ask questions. But right now it's all about him. Yuck. He cheated and you have to nurse him through his withdrawal.

Come here and vent. We'll help you through this part.

Thanks for all the advice. It sucks that we have to be the bigger person and help them thru this when they created it. Man we are good people!

Give him some space. As MelodyLane says, act normal and be attractive to him. To ask questions and come to terms with this A is a normal thing for you to do but he might just be tired of discussing the same thing over and over again.

I would definitely keep an eye on him because the remorsefulness wears off and he might try something again. I am not suggesting he WILL. I'm just saying that you need to start to trust him again and for you to build up that trust, it will take time. Took me a year after my W had an EA.

AB

Continue to "spy" and ensure that the affair is, indeed, still over.

It could be withdrawl. It also could be that NC is broken and he's back in contact...and back in conflict over what he wants.

Ramp up your "spying", make sure that she's still out of the picture.

And by the way, regarding spying, you are not invading his privacy. You are invading his secrecy. There is a big difference. Someone posted a lovely thread on the subject. Do a search for it if you are interested. I cannot seem to remember where it was.

AB

Do u 2 have a recovery plan? If not, do your MB homework and call Steve H @ MB for phone counseling. This is a dangerous time for both of you.

L.

I'm not sure if we have a recovery plan. We talked a couple of weeks ago and he wanted us to take it day to day and see how we are when we just act "normal" His excuse for having an affair is b/c he felt like I neglected him for my family and I always downgraded him. I have since stopped doing these things but he seems so out of it. Very different from when he first came home. It is very hard to act nice when I just want to cuss him out. Know what I mean? It's like one minute he is reaching out to me and I get hopeful then the next minute he pulls away. Do they all do this?

By the way - he is very adament to me that he cares & loves this OW but it in no way compares to what we have had and that she was someone who was there for him when he needed someone. Is this typical affair excuse & he's just blowing smoke up my you know what?

Thank you guys for letting me vent & for answering my questions. I have never experienced this before.