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Joined: Apr 2001
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It is not my intention to pass on my guilt. Yes, I want to get rid of it. But not to comfort myself at the expense of others. That is my question- How?

Telling them the truth is not harmful to them, someone. The truth is therapeutic. It resolves, it soothes, even though it hurts. Even though my H's affair HURT, I was glad to know the truth. Most people hate being lied to and appreciate the truth. You already know they suspect; they just want the truth.

But even so, the way they handle it is entirely their business. You have no control over that. Your only obligation is to tell them the truth and apologize for your actions. The way they handle it is up to them. It doesn't matter if you are telling them to relieve guilt, what matters is your obligation to tell your cousin the truth and ask her forgiveness. THAT is your obligation and the matter of your guilt does not invalidate that.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Princess & Melody,

Thank you very much. I will talk to my pastor.

God bless,
Someone

Joined: May 2004
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If all you see here is "black & white", then I think I see the difference in our perspectives, because this situation is surrounded by areas of "grey".

...and I have to call BS on "Since when did the TRUTH hurt anyone" ... what a stupid statement. Let me tell you, on July 25, 2007, when I learned the TRUTH of my WW's A ... the TRUTH hurt like ******. The lies also hurt, but the TRUTH cut to my soul.


You are advocating dishonesty.

You think it is better to keep secrets, to practice deception, than to tell the truth about what you have done to someone.

The truth did not hurt you, the act did. The betrayal. The deception.

And you are right, I see no grey area in this sitch. None at all. And I am so thankful for that. I know what is right and what is wrong, and dishonesty is wrong.

And it hurts both the deceiver and the deceived.

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I totally agree with Weaver and Melody. I also think that Jesus's instructions on forgiveness have been clearly stated on this thread. Dr. Harley also believes in telling the truth to the betrayed, even years later. He said so on his radio show.

Someone you will only have peace when you do the right thing. Repentance is not saying I'm sorry, it's making up for your wrongdoing and telling your cousin the truth will help her understand what happened to her marriage.

You can't wait for the "right feelings" because they will never come You have to decide to do it. I will pray that you have the courage.

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What's up Someone?


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists. Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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In my humble opinion - look at this five years from now. What if you develop a better relationship with your cousin. What if you ARE at the thanksgiving table in coming years. If the truth comes to your cousin from a source other than yourself - then you will have been living a lie for five or ten or fifteen years. If you confess now - then you will have to deal with the issue now -with the whole family watching - but great healing may very well occur between you and your cousin. Or it may not. But you will have done the correct thing before God - and that is important.

One other thing to consider - what if your cousin already knows. And is just not saying anything.

What you have to loose is the relationship with your cousin. Yes, she will experience pain. But with pain comes healing.

Are you ready to loose the current relationship you have with her? (and begin having a real one?)

just my .02. might only be worth that.

foundareason


foundareason
D: March 2006 (xw - multiple a's)

I have found a NEW REASON!!!!
A Treasure!!
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