I have been trying to figure out how to post an original message here and have had no luck with my search. So I am posting the only way I can figure out how. I have been married for 21 years and I have 3 children. I have had a rocky marriage for about 16 years now. There has been lots of fights, drugs and alcohol and lots of seperations. This last year I reconcilled with my husband and moved out of my house of 8 years into a home with him. Within 3 weeks we got into a argument and he kicked me out. 3 weeks later I found out he was seeing a 24 year old women who has a drug problem and has only been clean less than a year. He brought her to my home and into my bed. I fell apart. I begged him to stop this he was so cruel to me with the things he said, but I couldnt let go of our marriage. He finally ended the relationship with her and I moved home in May. Boy was this humiliating. He was emotionally and verbally abusive towards me and he basicly will not do accountability. He blamed me for all my mistrust. We have only been intimate a few times since getting back together. He seems emotionally distant, and has no interest in me. My self esteem started on a down hill and the more I tried to do things to restore our marriage the more he would withdraw. He would expect unreasonable things from me. My emotional needs have not been getting met in this marriage for years and I did not become unfaithful in the past. But this time after months and months of begging for attention reading books getting counseling praying talking and arguing. I finally said I quit! I met someone else we talked for a few weeks and he met my needs I ended up sleeping with him. I ended the relationship imediately because I did not want to do this, I couldnt. But I also cant believe what I allowed myself to do. I lost respect for myself. I know how it feels to be on the hurtin end of the affair. I have a need to call this guy, I cant explain it. I love how he responds to me and how he cares for me. My husband acts as if he barely knows I am alive. I feel horrible guilt and have committed to not see this guy ever again. I feel sad about it though. I have not told my husband and I will not tell my husband. He has no clue, and he never will. That is how much attention he pays to me. I want to have a good relationship with my husband but I feel lost at what to do. Sometimes I still think he is seeing this girl because of the way he acts and because he has time and money missing. And because he will not touch me. We have not had sex in months. My husband was sleeping on the couch. What do I do. Any insight would help.

Welcome to marriagebuilders. I took the liberty of posting this for you.

There is a "post" icon on the first page of each forum, just above the posts. Sorry, I'm probably not explaining it right.

How old are your children? One possibility is that you could wait this out until they are grown.

But in the meantime, you can do some snooping. It does sound like he may be in contact with the other woman. But you say that the marriage has been rocky for 16 years.

Does he have any substance abuse problems?

Dear Crissane, While no one here will condone you sleeping with a man other than your husband, I can see why you would do it. Your marriage seems like it is in total shambles. You are drawn to this OM because of what you are NOT getting from your H. What a shame and what a waste of a marriage. Although you say you have committed never to see this guy again, I dare say that you will because you cannot help yourself. What a wonderful way to bury your head in the sand and forget about your troubles for a while.

But that's the problem. You cannot do this. Both you and your H either need to commit to making your M work or going your separate ways. With BOTH of you having sex out of wedlock, this is a sure-fire recipe for divorce.

How do you think he would feel/react if you told him you had sex with an OM? Do you think it would make him wake up from his fantasy world and start working on your M?

You need to attempt to have him attend some serious therapy with you.

I wish you well.

AB.

NEWSFLASH

There is NEVER a valid excuse for screwing around.

WOW

This is Marriage Builders, not gloryb.