We've been married for 4 1/2 years. We got married after 7 months of knowing each other and dating. We have two kids (2 & 4). I'm 26 and she is 6 months younger than me.

In the last month, my wife has changed everything about her life from her hair to her clothes to her attitude. Everything that used to be is the complete opoosite.

One night 3 weeks ago, I caught her in a lie. This shocked me because I had always trusted her before. That same day she had caught me in one about money.

The next morning I decided I wanted to fix things. I told her. This enraged her. She was mad that I waited this long. She told me that two weeks prior to that, she had decided that she wanted to live her life and for me to live mine. I kept pushing her to try and make things better, but she said she needed time and space. I tried to give them to her but after 2 weeks of that. I forced her into making a decision. She said no, she did not want to work things out. She does not think we should have ever gotten married and the only reason she is still here is because of the kids. Who are by the way 2 and 4.

That night, I went out with two friends and the whole time all I could think about was wanting to be with her.

For the last two weeks, I've listened to many podcasts concerning on how to make a marriage better, but none of them have given me any insight on how to get her to want to make the marriage better. She just gets mad and blows up on me anytime I want to talk about it.

She says that she has been trying for a really long time and never got anything in return, which is true. But over the last two weeks, I've grown closer to God and I'm ready to make a change that will bring us close again and hopefully forever.

She says she loves things about me but isn't in love with me. She says that she WILL NOT open her heart to me and let me in again.

She won't let me do anything for her. She hasn't worked since 4 months after we married. We aren't the wealthiest people around and have financial trouble, and in the past I've been unwilling to cut some things out so we'd have more money.

Now, she is dead set on getting a job even though, she'll have to work at night and we'll see each other even less.

I've tried to ask her out on a date, but every time I do, she already has plans that do not include me with one of her friends. She is constantly trying to get me to go out with my friends.

I'm starting to get very discouraged and do not know what do next.

Right now, she is out looking for that job that I feel is just another step backwards. I tried to talk to her about it and she gets mad at that to. She says I've been telling her for 2 years she needed to get one and I had. I was being selfish and now I'm ready to go the extra mile to do whatever so she doesn't have to work. I try to tell her but she will not listen.

All of her signs point to she is having an affair, but she doesn't have time to so I'm 100% sure that is not it. But I'm afraid that she will if she gets that job that is 45 minutes away and starts living her own life.

She keeps saying she needs to find herself. I've found myself over the last 3 weeks and I finally know what to do to make things right if given the chance.

She is a pretty christian person. I've refused church for the last 6 months and that has been a major issure. Now, I'm ready to submit to God and be there. II'm not sure but I feel like I might not have been saved before but I am now. I'm afriad to tell her that to, because she'll think I'm just saying it to get back with her.

She says she doesn't trust me because we've had problems before and I promised to change and it would be good for a couple of weeks and then I'd go back to my old ways. I have realized that is exactly what I did.

I want her back and I really just don't know what to do next.

Any advice, comments, suggestions, or encouragement are greatly appreciated.

Thanks

OK...so what was the lie you caught her in?

This DEFINITELY sounds like she's already involved with someone else. Is this the lie you're skirting around?

What do you know about these 'friends of hers?

The friends are her brother and sister-in-law whom I'm very good friends with to.

The lie I told was that I had money that I actually didn't have.

It sounds as if your W has either met someone that she is interested in and wants to pursue OR she is already having an A.

It is classic, what she is doing. You might still have time to stop anything before it starts.

1. Read up on how to Plan A and mett her emotional needs

2. Spy. Install a keylogger on the computer at home, install a voice activated recorder in her car. Does she has a cell phone? Check the records to see who she has been calling and texting

You need to read up as much as you can here to prepare yourself.

She told me she didn't have any money on her, but she did indeed have $30 or $40 dollars

she may be wanting to have one, but I am certain tnothing has happened yet

What can I do

The signs above suggest that she might be having an A of sort (could even be an emotional affair, or EA - check your PC at home, telephone bills, etc. for e-mails, suspicious numbers, etc). She's definitely emotionally checked out of your M.

Time to do some snooping to find out what is really going on. And BTW, I thought my FWW didn't have time to have an A either - she managed to carry on one for 2 years without me knowing.

IWITW:

What can you do?

Snoop, and find out IF there is someone else.

If there isn't, you only have one battle to fight. The battle to SAVE your Marriage.

If there is, you have to win that battle before you can go on to fight the battle to SAVE your marriage.

You are 26 and so is she.

Both of you probably just hit the maturity gates.

Remember that.

Of course she isn't the same woman she was, and neither are you.

Lots of growing up since you met.

But there are certainly lots of pressures in your M.

No cash
Two young children
Not much fun
Wow, the M stuff is tough!
Where's that "happily ever after" I was promised?
Lots of working on your part.

So. What can you do?

Buy "His Needs, Her Needs" (HNHN) from this website. Today. Don't wait to pick it up at the bookstore.

Learn all about "LoveBusters" on this website. Then stop doing them to your W.

Learn what Plan A is on this website. Plan A is meeting the emotional needs of your W, so that she can fall back in love with you.

Become that husband of "happily ever after"

Your W will come around.

As long as she hasn't found some new frog to kiss.

That makes it alot more difficult, but not impossible.

LG

I am going through the simalar sich she will let u do things for her give her time but keep a sharp eye for things that she wouldn't normally do like going out at odd times
I was living this a couple months back and things are better but not fixed turn into what she wants but not for her do it for you

I know it is hard to hear her tell you she has given up just give her time and work on yourself it will help you through this it is for me good luck and it will work out in the end "Every thing happens for a reason" That is my daily hope

We got married after 7 months of knowing each other and dating

red flag...both parties

We've been married for 4 1/2 years. We have two kids (2 & 4).

lets see that gives 7 months dating...six months before first child...very very little time with just the two of you

red flag both parties...

She says she doesn't trust me because we've had problems before and I promised to change and it would be good for a couple of weeks and then I'd go back to my old ways. I have realized that is exactly what I did.

One night 3 weeks ago, I caught her in a lie. This shocked me because I had always trusted her before. That same day she had caught me in one about money.

lets play devils advocate...

lets say she has caught you lie after lie.....about money..
about where you were at nights.. with friends...out partying...etc etc etc..

she's home with kids night after night
you maintain a greater slice of freedom both physically and financially...

she's home with kids...

you catch her in a lie...and you grab that ball and run with it...
finally some ammunition to turn on her...
and you blow it out of the water...

am I right or wrong...
hope I am wrong

sometimes
sometimes a spouse in a marriage...just gives up on expecting ANYTHING from the other....

then they can't get hurt....

sometimes it is not an affair....

and without doubt the changes the spouse makes...(the one who acknowledges doing wrong.....
infuriates the spouse that has been begging pleading PRAYING for such changes....

and it appears to be to late.....

I bet you have pushed, followed, begged pleaded and beat your wife verbally in to the ground to agree to accept your instant changes...
and out of wanting it to stop...
she's knee jerked it in to there's no point..
she's not interested
etc
etc
etc

two weeks is NOTHING
nothing...after years

you need to zip your lip step up to the plate and hit a home run time after time...and EXPECT NOTHING from her...

otherwise it will appear you aren't changing to be sincere..
you are only changing out of fear..
out of wanting reconigition from her...

you make changes that make you a better husband and father because that is what men do...

not for rewards from her....
not yet
not now....

you have to woo and charm your wife back from her peripheral not in her face...

you need to arrange couseling with your pastor...and invite her to go and go without her if she won't

you have to zip the lip...
show changes in ACTIONS not words

you build a plan..
daily actiivities..
small things...

fix the _________she's wanted fixed for years...

slip ten bucks in her jeans

feed the kids
do the bath
MOP the floor!!!
bring her a flavored coffee
a fav dessert
make a CD...small things one a week not a ton all at once...
small gifts left for her..witn NO expectation of anything...

go to church..don't preach to her
don't talk about church...
but get down on your knees next to her and pray for Grace

ARK

okay, so since I last posted, my sister-in-law came in to my work. We were talking and one thing led to another, and then I was praying for salvation. I'm now saved!

Here's the problem. We have company invited over tonight, but I feel like I have to go to church. I would like her to go with me, even though I would have always shot her down on a wednesday night until now.

How do I make sure she knows I'm for real and not putting on a show to win her back.

I felt that I do need to change, and I realized today the only way I could really permanently change was to hand over my life to god. I've told her for years that I was saved and I thought I was until today.

Believe me I know what you are going through.
I am very glad to hear that you know you are saved.
One thing I do know, that if God wasn't around
I would be in a much worse state. I will pray for you
and please pray for me, because I am in a very similar situation.

Are you dense? We just asked you to find out who your WW is having an affair with. You respond with this. I GUARANTEE you that she has another man that she is emotionally attached to and is pursuing. Get your head out of the sand. If all she hangs out with is her brother and sister-in-law, it is probably a friend of theirs. Continue to work on yourself, but if you don't find out who she's having an affair with and deal with that issue, your situation WILL NOT IMPROVE, no matter how much you change. Get to snooping.

Here's a roadmap. Be nice to her when you are around her and never blow up, reaffirm to her that you are not giving up no matter how much she tells you to, DO NOT GIVE HER SPACE, snoop and find OM, confront her, when she refuses to stop seeing OM expose to EVERYONE in a position to put pressure on her to end her affair.

You have gotten some very good advice to start with, No matter what issues the 2 of you have as a couple it can be overcome and please listen to everyone who is telling you how to go about this.

I would suspect an active EA, Your W will not see your changes right now maybe not for awhile but as Dr. Harley told me in the 4 times I spoke with him on the air that the one thing you have going for you is that you are the father of her children so that is a big card in your deck.

So many people gave me sound advice but I had to learn the hard way and almost got D'ed b/c of it.
Follow what you are being told and make your changes permanent, Don't expect anything in the short term or sometimes longer - It was 10 months for me at least and even though she was noticing some things they were short lived b/c of the drug like state she was in with her "friend"

I am sorry you are here, But you have several of the best people responding to you and I cannot emphasize enough that you need to listen to what they are saying - Don't think that you know your W right now - I was married for 13 yrs and thought I knew mine.

The script you have been told is one that most everyone here has heard or at least a variation of it.

Stay strong!