Vladie, why do you think I am optimistic and you are not? Can you take a guess?

?????????? Have youu been in this situation? If so what happened from here in your story? I am really dying here

The reason I am optimistic is because I have been here for 6 years and I KNOW how this will play out. Your greatest chance of success comes from exposure and standing up against this affair in order to kill it dead. Her anger will blow over, it always does. Your only chance was to slaughter the affair, so now you have a chance.

What are you dying OF? Your wife's ANGER? C'mon, Vladie. You just took the CRACK PIPE away from the CRACKHEAD. That is a good thing because now she can sober up. But you shouldn't expect the crackhead to be HAPPY about losing her crack.

Reason I am dying is because we moved from europe to australia 7 years ago. I have no family here to support me. She has her cousin who has been saying all along to 'follow her heart'. I have NO ONE.

All her friends did not agree with A and told her it would never work but they get sick of listening to you harp on about it. Everyone tells me to just move on its over. They don't know about the fog or anything like that.

They believe everything WW says. Thats why I feel the way I do. I am losing hope and fast. I'm sure that when her parents speak to her she will say the same to them and they will just tell me she's done too.

Thank God I found this site. I am afraid that she will never come out of the fog or just move on to someone else in spite of what I have just done

Vladie, isn't it amazing that you found us? We are here to support you! And we know how to do it! We KNOW all the best tactics to save your marriage and can help you through this.

But, be assured, friend, your BEST CHANCE comes from exposing this affair and killing it off. THAT was the greatest threat to your marriage. NOT her temporary anger. They always get over the anger very quickly, they NEVER get over an ongoing affair or ongoing contact. Now that contact has really ended - we hope - she CAN come out of the fog. But you have to EXPECT that she is going to be mad and cranky at first at losing her fix. You understand this, right?

So, while you are HOPELESS, I am HOPEFUL. I know the ramifications of what has happened here and it is because of this that I am HOPEFUL for your marriage. And I would NEVER blow smoke at you and give you false hope.


DUH! I guess we should be thankful your W is not a serial killer or more ppl would die if she followed that advice! Follow your heart, indeed. What mindless ROT. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Well, thank God you have talked to everyone and let her know. Now she can be FURIOUS, kick and scream, and even block you from her Bebo page. But she will be over it in time for the weekend.

believer, are you hopeless or hopeFUL about the recent developments in his situation?

Ok. Thanks for all your support. I will keep you all updated

Vladie, are you close to Sydney?

Also, you say you have no family there. Are your parents still alive? Can you call them and get support from them?

Dear Vladie,

***********************edit******************
So, consider:

All of the advice that you get here is worth precisely what you pay for it.

And all of the posters are (regrettably) equally qualified AND unqualified.

My advice has been to
a) contact OMW, which you did (I didn't think you would, I'm impressed); and ...
b) believe yourself (not just IN yourself). If you say you've been controlling, and SHE says you're controlling, probably you have been. Major love buster.

If you don't seriously consider her reasons for looking for what-she-thought-was-love in all the wrong places, then there's really no point in trying to repair the marriage. You have mentioned it repeatedly, so it is on your mind, and of concern to you. (No one supplied that information, except you!)

You'll have to consider each other's emotional needs, Vladie, and grown people need to be treated like adults. If YOU say you thought of her as a simple-minded child, and consequently took things over, including control of fundamental elements of her life, then she's going to have little reason to return.

You'll both have to think of why you want to be with one another (other than common childrearing), and how to overcome these serious lovebusters (yours AND hers).

However ....

if you want me to remain forevermore off of your thread, I promise that I shall!

Godspeed!

Time to get my sweetsobriquet picture! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I'm very very HOPEFUL. Vladie - you are in a great position to recover your marriage. It doesn't feel like it right now, but give it a couple of days. Everything is lining up perfectly.

Now your job is to look at yourself and start making any changes you need to make. You want a marriage that is much better than before after going through all of this.

No Mel, I am in brisbane. My parents are still alive and have 4 sisters. WW and me grew up in same town so we all know each other. But they say why would you want someone like that in your life after everything she's done?

They just don't like to see me made a fool of. I am confident though that if this does work out that they will be happy for me as long as WW realises her mistake and takes steps to make sure this never happens again

So how do I act when I see her next? How should I be. Should I say again about working on marriage or just not mention it?

Now you make the changes you need to make. I would be friendly and happy. There is no need to push the relationship right now.

Give her a day or two to cool off and then invite her out for something she likes. If she won't go, then go alone and be sure to tell her about the fun you had.

Friends and family only want the best for you. But they don't know how to heal the marriage.

Vladie, just be yourself. Let her come to you about the marriage. She already knows what you want. Don't be clingy, needy or upset. Just be calm and confident and relaxed.

Do you not think that your mother would be supportive if you told her about your strategy to save your marriage? Marriage Builders is well known throughout the world and you could just give her a brief overview and let her know what you are doing. Its entirely up to you, Vladie, but this is usually the time to fall back on family for support. You really do need her now.

You know, our member from Sydney travels to Brisbane on business every so often! Maybe yall could get together for lunch some day? This member, BigKahuna and his wife, came to my house in Texas earlier this year and visited my DH and I. They thought our VIAGRA commercials were a SCREAM!
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Just one last thing. People are going to say to me that what I did is wrong. Give me a good argument how forcing WW to do something against her will isn't controlling

What did you force her to do against her will??