So should I call her parents and tell them she won't leave OM alone and ask them to talk some sense into to her or not? If I do she will know I have access to her emails. Is this good or bad? What should I do?

Vladie, she will leave him alone when he doesn't respond.

Vladie - are her parents in your corner?

Yes big k. Very much in my corner - I have sent you an email

I replied to your first email - did you not see it?

nvm - I got your reply. LOL.

Ok a bit has happened since yesterday. WW sent txt wanting to speak about what we are going to do. I said I will not discuss the ripping apart of our family. She came over anyway. I told her that I know she still loves OM and would she just admit that that is the problem. She finally admitted that yes she does love him and not sure if she will ever get over it. She said she made a choice and it didn't work out but that she still won't work on the marriage cause she knows now that she does not love me and will only do the same thing again and that I deserve better than that.

I then said I knew she tried to contact him last week to tell him she would wait for him and she was shocked that I knew that. I was careful not to say anything regarding the emails as I'm not supposed to know about that account. She said thats the way she feels and thats it.

I tried to tell her that after she gets over OM she will feel differently about working on the marriage but its like talking to the wall. One thing she did agree to is to call off her solicitor and wait until the new year to sell house etc. So at least I have bought some time. She is going home to her parents in europe for 3 weeks in february so that could be a turning point too.

Still no emails from OM but I just have a gut feeling that they have spoken or met up in the last few days. I have no proof of this but its just a hunch. I went to OM's house earlier but no cars there so I didn't go in. I want it to be a surprise that I'm coming. I want him to write a no contact letter this time. WW is really ticked off that I call OM and OMW and I really don't know how much more I can do? I have exposed over and over but they just find a new way of contacting each other.

He has told my WW that his wife is a psycho and he is afraid of her! Only reason he went back is for the kids and he still loves my WW. I have no idea if this is true or just part of my WW fantasy. If OM really wants rid then I was thinking of saying that my WW has told me that ye are still in contact etc and that she isn't going to let him be so if he wants his marriage then he needs to write a no contact letter. Only problem with this is that he may send it and then call her and say ignore it and I made him write it. So not sure what to do.

Any suggestions?

Vladie, how do we get you to do NOTHING? Stop trying to educate your wife. You need to give it some time and stop being so needy.

You don't have to worry about her wanting to sell the house right now, so that buys some time. So STOP. When you feel like contacting someone, clean the toilets instead.

I know believer and I really appreciate your input. But if they are in contact I'm not going to get anywhere! Do you think I should just leave it alone and hope that they're not in contact?

Yes, leave it alone. You have the email you can check, and if they are in contact some other way, you will find out.

She agreed to call off her solicitor. If she was so all-fired up about divorce, she would just divorce you. You told her you wouldn't discuss divorce and she came over anyway.

You need to figure out all the things your wife complained about BEFORE the affair and change. Don't talk about the relationship, show her you are changing.

She loved you for some reason and you have a child together. You sound like a good man. I really believe she is coming back to you.

Ok thank you believer. We are back on good terms now. I will use this to my advantage and try and forget about OM and her feelings for the moment. As you say I will find out if that changes. I will concentrate on being her best friend.

Look back and try to remember what she was disatisfied about with the marriage. Fix those things. She isn't around now, but there are many things you can do.

If she complained the house was a mess, clean it up spotless. If she complained you didn't spend enough time with your son, do that. Money problems? Go on a budget. You get the idea.

WW just sent OM an email saying "I have the tickets" what do I do????????????????

Hang around and see what she has the tickets to. Sheesh, I hope that when she said she was going to Europe that she isn't planning to take OM.

I would not say or do ANYTHING right now. You need more information and if you expose what you know, you will lose your source.

No definitely not to europe she's going to see her parents. But obviously they are in contact again they are such liars!

Think of them as drug addicts. The OM must be still sniffing around somehow. But wait until you know more. Your wife will continue emailing him. Save copies of the emails, and try to figure out what the tickets are to.

Whatever you do, don't show any sign of being angry or knowing what they are up to. When you figure it out, you can expose again to the mean wife. But be sure you have proof positive.

WW only contacts him by email as he lives at home. But he can call her as she lives alone. What more do I need to wait for? I want to go see him and his wife tomorrow

The problem with not having patience (like you) is that they may be able to talk their way out of things. Saying that she has tickets, while incriminating to you and I, can be explained away. They can make up a story real quick. It would be much better to find out what the tickets are for. If you don't tip your hand, your wife will most likely continue communicating and you will learn more.

When you find out exactly what the tickets are for - say it was a concert - then you can expose. By that time, OM will have made up an excuse to be out on that date, and you will have them cold.

The other thing is, you may need to start thinking about going to Plan B. This catching them over and over is bad for the soul. I caught my ex and the OW many, many times. He always had some story until I caught them in bed together. But what it does is make you lose your love for them.

I forget how long you have been doing a good Plan A.

Sorry believer but this along with all the other emails and messages I have I KNOW whats going on now. I have just called her parents and I am going to OM house tomorrow. WW will have 2 choices; work on marriage and have no contact or Plan B. I will let you know how it goes

Vladie
I think you may be correct in assuming it is time for plan B. dr H. recommends a total of about six months for a bh, but based on the frequency of your posts, I don't think you will last any where near that.

Everyone is differrent, and that should be taken into consideration of how long to plan A. everyoone also seems to think it will take 2 years to be over an infidelity, but I, for one, can tell you it took much more time than that for me. So I guess I don't fit the mold. I suspect, neither do you.

Plan B is in order for you IMHO, but you can't rush headlong into it. It is, after all, a plan. So think this out carefully. Before doing this, come here and tell us your plan and accept feedback to refine and perfect it.

IMHO, plan B will give you the peace to rediscover yourself, without your WW defining who you are. You were a complete and whole person before you ever met your WW. You need to go back to that again, before you ever consider taking or winning back your WW again. Also, you will be able to preserve the love you have left in your ever draining LB for your WW before it is completely and irreversibly gone.

Do some serious research on what plan B is, and ask yourself, are you up to the harshness. Stay with the goals of self improvement of plan A, this will never harm you, but, rather, make you a better person. Also, consider what you need from WW as a condition for entering YOUR life again. These are your boundaries, that cannot be violated or compromised.

Time for Vladie to have a little peace of his own, not directly tied to the lunacy of the alien WW.

YOU CANNOT CHANGE OR EDUCATE YOUR WW. SHE WILL DO WHATEVER SHE DOES WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT OR PERMISSION.

Let us know how we can help?

All blessings,
Jerry