Saw WW earlier, asked her again to put solicitors on hold till after christmas. She said it will take a while anyway and wants to get things sorted. Why does she still seems to be fine and not care? OM has dumped her and it doesn't seem to phase her?

Spoke to WW's parents and told them that she is adamant to sell our house. I asked them to try and talk to her about holding off until feb till she comes back from seeing them. They said they would see what they can do. WW said they called her last night to discuss her tickets (they are paying) but she did not mention anything else. I hope she does not know I spoke to them as that would be more 'controlling'.

She mentioned getting a new job as she didn't want anyone to know she was dumped by OM and is afraid his wife will come to her work.

Is it too early to send her a letter asking her to recommit along with some info from this website about how we can restore love to our marriage?

Way too early.

She hasn't bottomed out yet.

Ok thanks bigK. I was thinking the same - just wanted to check. How long do you think?

Can't give you a time frame but soon she will probably start moving towards you - that would be the time.

BigK what I can't understand is that the A is now over I thought she would want to work on marriage. But it seems WW has decided she needs a new life without me or OM. She has tarred us with the same brush? The danger is that in order for things to change we need to be spending time together which she is not keen to do. Her attitude is I want to move on now, sell house and thats it. Whats my best move? If I wait for her to come to me I fear it will never happen. Also her cousin is saying to her if she is sure M is over don't spend time with me as it leads me on. But thats exactly what I want

OK.

She needs to withdraw from her addiction for 6 weeks or maybe longer.

I suggest that you organise outings with your son and invite her to come as well.

You can only meet needs she will allow to be met.

I do agree it would be good to spend time together so she can see your changes.

Continue your Plan A.

Try and enlist her cousins support for saving your marriage. Educate her a bit about the dynamics of affairs and that you want to take your wife back and you can be in a happy marriage again. At least try and neutralise her unhelpful comments even if she won't come out in support.

I would at ALL costs drag out any settlement or divorce or property sales.

DON'T discuss divorce or selling your home with her. Tell her to talk to your lawyer.

Time is your friend, but I do see a danger if you are not living together of her finding someone else to have an affair with.

Ask her if she agrees that the best thing for your son would be to have 2 parents who love each other living together and his family intact.

Ask her if she knows the disadvantage for life a divorce will subject your son to.

Yes bigK I have told her the effects divorce would have on our Son but she says its better than living in an unhappy marriage.....and that her coming back out of guilt is wrong. Her cousin is convinced that it is not all about the affair so talking to her is pointless. WW has spun her a really good tale. She is like my WW's bodyguard. Anything I say to her would only be met with resistance and go straight back to WW. I have tried this in the past.

She spoke to friends last night and said again I want the house sold there is no going back, I want to move on.....

Well you can possibly use that to your advantage!

Don't worry about what she says - only what she does.

How do you mean???

Vladie, stop worrying yourself over the babblings of a falling down drunk. Wait until she sobers up. She doesn't have the slightest idea what she wants right now and won't for weeks. She is still holding on to see if the OM will contact her again. When she sees he doesn't contact her, she will turn her mind away from him and towards you. But that won't happen real soon.

If she talks about selling the house simply tell her no thanks.

Thanks Mel, I just got off the phone with bigK and he said the same thing. Also, her birthday is coming up next sat and was wondering on how to approach it. I was going to send her flowers to work but bigK thinks that would just annoy her. What do you think? It's her 30th

I think it would annoy her too. It would be better to plan dinner out with your son, and invite her. Slow down on the relationship talk. Let her see the things about you she admired when you were dating. Be a wonderful father to your son.

I agree with BigK, that might be too much too soon. He is a silly foreigner, did ya know that? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I was just reading a post by Mr W in YMD's thread and think this is the reason WW wants to sell. She wants to show the OM that M is over and she is waiting for him. How pathetic! He doesn't want her.

I was speaking with a lady friend or me and WW's last night and she thinks WW is really in the fog. It's good someone close understands. She also thinks she is depressed and maybe AD's would help her. She feels she is not happy in herself and thinks OM is the answer. She said she is very worried that WW will end up having a breakdown if our M ends or house is sold after fog lifts. She said she can't sit back and say nothing so she is going to try and talk to her soon. Maybe some of it will sink in?

You will be surprised how quickly the fog blows away when there is no contact. Your wife will want to save face, and it is going to take her some time to realize that she made a BIG mistake.

She could be depressed now. If so, she will probably get more depressed and anti-D's might help. Let her friend talk to her. I think you need to do LESS, and not more.

What things are you doing to make your life better?

Well she had post natal depression according to the dr after birth. Not in the sense of not loving our Son but losing idendity and feeling trapped. OM was a good diversion. She would not take AD's cause of stigma and hoped blood tests would reveal something then it would be OK to take them. Anytime I mentioned depression I was eaten.

I am reading mywifeilove's story - what a turnaround. Amazing I hope this happens to me! As for changes - just consentrating on enjoying time with my Son. Looking good, etc.

Not a lot to report really. Saw WW a few times over the weekend but its like she doesn't want to engage in conversation with me at all. Most talk is about our Son or just talking and playing with him when in each others company. I asked her about her birthday and she said don't get anything big as she doesn't deserve it. She said we can celebtate it on sunday and she agreed to go to dreamworld for the day.

But who knows this could change again. She only contacts me if she needs something or its to do with our Son. At then moment I really can't see her snapping out of her state of mind. She seems to be getting on with things and has joined the local gym etc....She seems to be handling it a lot better than I am. Why is this? It really is a struggle trying to find things to say to her as she just gives short answers.

She said today she has lost one of her friends as WW isn't good enough for her anymore. WW is really a different person its kinda weird. I spoke to her brother on the phone yesterday and now he has gone over to WW's side. She has spun him a good yarn! How long do I have to endure this? When will my wife come back? Also she says OM was weak to go back to his wife and she isn't. She sees recommitting to the marriage as being weak, and another thing she's been saying is that she doesn't trust herself to recommit as this could happen again......

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A friend told me that they saw something on TV about women and infidelity. Some Dr claimed that after an affair that 2/3 of women would not recommit to a marriage. Anyone heard anything like this?