Vladdie - Even Dr Harley says most marriages do not survive an affair.

no

Well am I just fooling myself so? I keep hoping that she is going to come out of the fog and say she really does want to make our marriage work

What you have in your favour Vladdie is a PLAN for recovery. Most marriages don't survive because they ave no plan. You are much better off because you have MB.

My own recovery almost failed before I found MB.

Yes, I am glad I found MB's. Just hope WW wakes up soon. I looked at her bebo page and she still has Tiger as favourite animal - that is her name for OM. So she obviously still not over him

Vladie -

Most marriages CAN survive an affair. The reason they don't is because many BS's throw their spouse out on D-day and file for divorce.

You have a plan now. You have done really good at following it. So just hang in there.

Your wife is spending time with you and your son, so be thankful for that. It is too soon to expect her to do an about face. But it will come. Have hope in that.

The last few days have been quite pleasant and agreeable. Have seen WW a few times and she seems to have calmed down a lot. She hasn't received my solicitors letter offering reconciliation yet and we have not discussed the matter. I dread her response - it could really anger her.

It is her 30th on sadurday but she is working and going for drinks with friends after. We are celebrating it on sunday and taking our Son out for the day. I am looking forward to this. Friend has not spoken to her yet and I would like it if that happened before she gets the letter from my solicitor.

I asked her about her birthday again yesterday and she seems pretty down in general. I am leaning again towards sending her flowers into work from me and our Son with a card saying "just because......your 30 today! Happy birthday love BS & Son."

Any thoughts? I don't want to anger her or pressure but it could also please her? Please chime in

you know, Vladie, I think it would be a good idea to send her flowers. She will be down about the OM and your flowers will be a nice touch on an otherwise lonely day for her. it will remind her that she does have a family.

What is your attorney sending her?

I had to respond to her solicitors letter but I explained to mine that I wanted to delay any seperation etc so he suggested sending a letter offering to reconcile and recommend a few marriage counselors. If nothing else it will buy a bit of time. Don't know how she will react but I'm glad she won't have it before birthday so we can have a nice weekend - maybe she will have second thoughts?

Well the flowers have been ordered with the message I posted above. Wish me luck!

Good luck. I think it is a mistake to offer reconciliation so quick, but your solicitor must know what he is doing. Try to have some pleasant, no pressure family time.

WW received the flowers. She sent a text saying "hi thank you so much for the flowers. They are beautiful. Give our Son a hug. Ring me later so I can talk to him".

Thoughts???

I think it was the perfect touch. So when you call her, be pleasant and friendly and upbeat; no neediness and no criticizing. If it feels right ask her if she would like to join you and DS for lunch and a trip to the park.

We are spending the day together tomorrow but I think she is doing it more out of a sense of duty more than anything. All I can hope is that these efforts will eventually 'sink in'

Spending time together is important. Most women can't resist a father's interaction with his child. So be sure to be calm and confident.

She fell in love with you, and she can fall back in love with you. Try to relax and enjoy yourself. I wouldn't talk about the relationship.

WW called last night to thank me for flowers and then said she had asked friends to acompany us on our day out. I was very upset but tried not to let on. So this morning I go to give her her presents and she was a bit hungover. She said thak you. Then she started talking about friends who are barely talking to her over all this. I said that I didn't say anything negative (which I didn't) and she says she knew that but people form their own opinions.....What did she expect?

I said I was upset that people are doing the same with me saying I must have been aweful to live with etc..

She then said that imagine if we were living together we would be fighting all the time with all these issues. I disagreed and said we would not live together until we had dealt with everything. She then says she accepts that she did the wrong thing and apologised for her cake eating and stringing me along in the past. But she says she is happy now and even without the OM she knows she is not in love with me and that there is someone out there who will make me happy and vise versa. Is this still fog talk? She sounds pretty serious about it.

I said again that why can't we just say we are good friends who enjoy spending time together and let's see what happens. She did not say much to that only its not fair on me cause I still love her. I said look there is no pressure here only doing things with our Son etc and if sparks fly then that would be a bonus. She didn't reply and I didn't push.

So we are going for dinner with our Son later and I am done with the relationship talk. Unless she brings it up which she did earlier. So what now? She says she is happy on her own and wants to concentrate on being a good mother. I am feeling pretty low now I thought without OM we would have a chance?

Its too soon after her affair to exoect her to be in love with you, Vladie. The affair just ended; this is not going to happen overnight. Just be patient and do your best to meet her needs and I bet she comes around as she withdraws.

But she is saying she is happy on her own and knows now she has nothing to 'give' to me. I deserve happiness and so does she. Whats that about????? Its scaring me to tell you the truth

translation: click here <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

It will be your job to attract her back by making yourself her greatest source of happiness, Vladie. You have to work for it, it is not going to be handed on you. But right now, she is not in love with you; she is withdrawing from the OM. BUT............she can be in love with you again if you meet her needs and avoid lovebusters and spend as much time as possible with her.

oh yeah, your WW is real "happy" alright. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

here is what you wrote just 7 short days ago: