Quick recap - I posted once before in the Recovey area. I found out H had A with an "employee" on March 23, 2007. A started around November 2006. On D-day, he flew to Chicago (where she lives) although claims he did not see her and it was business. Upon returning he apologized, had profound realixations, and agreed to NC and counseling. I started and executed a PERFECT Plan A. The summer was great - we went on several trips and I felt that things were looking up.
Fast forward - last month I found out he had continued contact and escalated the A by incorporating a business for her - were they are joint partners - in the exact same industry as our family business. He paid for all start up expenses as well as opened a joint checking account with her. He has also been putting deals/sales through that company. He had no intention on NC and just "agreed" to it to shut me up. By March 28 (5 days after d-day) they already had this plan in motion. He has been calling from pay phones as well as setting her up with an 800 number so I would not figure it out on his phone bills.
Of course - upon confrontation last month - he once again tucked tail and ran to Chicago. Again - it was "business" and he claimed he did not see or talk to her...I do not believe him.
Again - upon return he claimed to have had a revalation about his life, marriage, family and wants to do the right thing....so I wait and wait...three weeks and nothing. He has not disolved that company or closed accounts or anything. He has instead chosen to verbally abuse me at every opportunity.
I am beyond sick. I finally had it with him after he punched me in my head and told him to leave. Funny - but he has no problem leaving when asked to. Typical running away behavior. Meanwhile, he has left his daughter (from a previuous marriage that I have raised) here with me.
I called him this evening - yes, I am way needy now and have STOPPED Plan A completeky. I was perfect from March 28 through August 27. 5 months. ANd for what? To be made a FOOL out of! Oh well, I've lost 39 pounds and well on my way to regaining my figure and looks.
Anywho - I called him this evening and was just beside myself. Now he says he has not loved me in 8 years. Mind you, next week is our 10th anniversary. He also stated that he has just done the "right" thing all these years for the kids. I asked him if having an A was the right thing and he just said, "Good point."
I know he is a liar...always has been one and in his past he has walked away from every situation where he was caught and he could not save face. Now, he is running because I am holding a mirror up to him and he does not like what he sees. I do belive that he has curtailed his contact with OW - she is married with kids.
But now he is saying that the realizations he had in March and 3 weeks ago were bullspit. I asked about our perfect summer and he said that was bullspit too. That he was trying to make things better. I said it was odd considering he was continuing his affair, lies, deceit, etc. All he said was, "Good point."
I read some of the posts on here regarding OW, romantic A, and all the babble WS say to him. All he said was, "interesting." Yeah, imagine that, not special..ordinary dirty low life A.
Just to clarify, he never went through with counceling because the therapist diagnosed him as a habitual liar with narcassistic tendancies. He claims she did not like him. BOO! HOO!
Also - I ordered both SH audio courses - we were supposed to start them 3 weeks ago when he got back after tuck tailing and running. Of course - that did not happen as he always has an excuse not to and has now become abusive when I try to get him to commit to anything.
I am so tired. He has painted my everyday black and now is poised to take everything from me. My family and my children's happiness!
How should I proceed? I need some help.

Gwife

Welcome here.

STep 1 expose the affair to OW's husband. Step 2 get a lawyer and make sure of your rights and what you can retrieve from their corporation, you could be 1/2 owner.
STep 3 read up on plan B and execute it.
Step 4 ask yourself if you want to be married to a man that has physicall abused you. My suggestion is that you do not.

Time to step up and try to save the marriage as well as save yourself. exposure, lawyer, plan B, and then serious consideration of getting away from an abusive husband.

Please read the articles here and I am sure you will get many reponses tomorrow morning.

God Bless,

JL

Thank you JL. I have tried exposing to OW husband. Unfortunately she always answers the phone and has intecepted my letters. I am in Texas and she is in Chicago.

I am a mom and can not leave my kids to fly to Chicago to do it.

I need to find a lawyer, I know. I am just humiliated at this point and want so badly to just get along and be happy. I feel so blindsided by the A. He has always lied, but I never imagined all of it would equal such a huge betrayal. He is sa PA it isn't funny. I think I am still living in the fantasy of what he said he was and not in the reality of who he actually is.

I have told him that the abuse - all of it including verbal has to stop. Period. Of course he made excuses and said he was mad. I asked him what he had to be mad about and all he said is "I don't know."

Truth is- lately, all he says to anything is "I don't know."

The guy is ruining my life, my kids lives, his daughter's life and he suddely doesn't know what he wants. Did I mention he is 50 and I am 35? I feel like he is too old and this marriage is 10 years too mature to not know.

How do you break to Plan B? I am so weak right now. I just want love and unity and family and happiness. I am desperate and dieing - heart bleeding before me. I can't see straight or think straight or get on with my life. I just thought a perfect plan a would work. I did not know he was working against me and it the entire time by still being in contact, etc.

I need to sleep but can't. I feel lonely and desperate and pathetic! I need to grow up and get a life...Honestly, I just want him to come home and let me off of this stupid roller coaster.

Gwife

Gwife,

Plan A often plants seeds but often it does not restore the marriage. Why? The affair continues as it is in your case. That is why plan B exists. You really need to get a lawyer and perhaps he can serve her H with some information such as she is being named in a divorce case. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Further, there is the possibility that she is frauduantly obtaining money from the parent corporation to start her's. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

You just never know. ONe thing is sure, until YOU take actions and your H starts to see consequences there is little change this situation will change. If you know their address you can probably find out OW's H's office phone and address. Internet searches turn up some surprising things. Google her name and see what you find.

Sadly, Gwife you have to get off the rollercoaster via your own actions. You are trying to save your marriage and that is good, but to do it you MUST risk losing it. You must set your boundaries and maintain them.

Folks down in Texas take a dim view of woman getting shafted by their H's. Have you looked at some of the old laws pertaining to refinancing homes and such? Lot of old laws buried in the constitution down there, that protect women. Get a lawyer and find out what your options are.

You also need to take steps to protect yourself financially. Since Texas doesn't have legal separation, you may actually have to file for divorce to protect your kids and yourself from your H taking all of the money. You can resend the divorce if he decides to reconcile, but frankly given his history of lying and the physical abuse you might want to consider stepping away from him.

The tools are here but you need to make sure you have covered all of your bases.

God Bless,

JL

PS: I almost forgot. You need to know you WILL get through this. You will survive and you will be happy again no matter how this turns out. Have faith in yourself and know that you are indeed stronger than you have realized so far.

He also kept saying things like, "It's dead, let's bury it." and "Let's get it over with already...." I don't know what he wants anymore. All I know is I can not go through another day like this...not another night driving around town screaming and crying as that is the only place I can do it without my kids hearing. I am so tired now. I just want to sleep for a week but can't.

Yes, I guess I need to fins an attorney - but I don't want a divorce and everytime he hears attonrney he goes crazy with the comments about "just get it over with." "Put me out of my misery.." Etc....

Gwife

Just want to encourage you that you are not alone.

In those early days, I, too, drove around town at night crying and screaming because I didn't want my kids to hear.

I could eat NOTHING for days; and after that, force fed myself just enough to barely get by. I would collapse in bed at night exhausted from the emotional energy I had exerted all day and from the physical weakness. I was blessed to quickly fall asleep. But I would wake a few hours later with my thoughts racing; or I would shiver for hours from the sheer agony my heart was trying to deal with.

This part will pass. As so many told me here, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. Make a list of what you must do to keep yourself going and put it on your frig or tape it to your mirror or closet door. Your children are counting on you. You are all they have. My 5 children are what got me out of bed everyday. I so wanted to curl up in bed and never come out. But THEY needed me; and your children need you.

Your list can include:

Eat SOMETHING at least 3 times a day. (My breakfast was a yogurt smoothie).

Take a walk or other exercise 3 or more times a week. If you aren't already in an exercise class, join one. It will help you get your mind off of things for a little while, and the endorphins that are released will help your mental state. (I do Tai Chi, which is great for relaxing and clearing the mind.)

Take vitamins.

Create a support network. I contacted 3 close friends and met with them to explain what I was facing. They have been my greatest strength besides the Lord. They tag teamed me in the early months. Daily somone called or emailed me. They stayed in touch with each other, too, and would pray together and individually for our family (and even my H). They were angels from heaven. Be cautious who you choose. They must be trustworthy and able to offer support more than advice. This forum can be another part of your support network. These folks were right everytime in my case, even though I couldn't see the truth. Listen to them.

Pick ONE thing you need to do today that deals with the A (call lawyer, research finances, exposure list, Plan B reading & prep), and just focus on that one thing. You can feel overwhelmed when you think of all you need to deal with. Pick one, do it, check it off. Then move on to the next one.

Pray, pray, pray. God already knows the hurt deep in your soul. He knows every thought and feeling you are experiencing. But YOU need to express it to him. You need to feel his presence. Tell him whatever you are feeling. Sometimes, I couldn't pray more than: Help me, Lord. Just sit quietly in His presence.

Start 2 journals. One is for your emotional and spiritual growth. Record thoughts, feelings, prayers, Bible verses, words from God, etc. The second was suggested by my lawyer and PI. It should be a daytimer kind of thing with a day on each page. List any conversations you & H have, or any pertinent info like H just cashed out stocks, H came home at 1 a.m. Anything that could become relevant later in court. Anything that seems odd, or makes your wonder.

Oh, gosh, that was suppose to be a short list. Please know that your top priorities are: get out of bed, pray, eat, rest, find support. That will get you through these first days.

Oh,and after 19 years of what seemed to be a loving, fulfilling marriage, H now tells me he hasn't loved me for 13 years and was just biding his time til the kids were grown. He says he wants a quick dissolution, he's exhausted from trying. This from a man who, for YEARS, has only told me what a wonderful wife and mother I am, how blessed he is to have me, and how much he loves me.

Your H is talking WS fog talk just like they all do. Ignore his words.

But you do have to consider, is this a man who is abusive? If he hit you in the head EVER, it sounds like he is. Put some serious thought into whether you and your children are better off without him. Did the verbal abuse start with the A or was he abusive in any way before the A? This, IMHO, is what you need to sort through first. Take a serious and honest look at the man he was before the A. Is that man worth fighting for? The answer to that will lead you to your next step--Plan B or Plan D.

Your best course of action is to notify the other woman's husband of the affair. That usually will stop it.

Then I would seek legal advice about your husband using marital money to start a business for his affair partner.

Get the lawyer today...
it will ground and focus you....

expose to his and your family...

especially the fact he is streaming business to her in direct competition the family business..

find out and expose to the business he has filtered to hers..

are your family members part of the business as well..

time to circle the wagons round you and get focused....

ARK

GW:

Sometimes all the threatening ends when you take action. So take action, either your husband will wise up or you will free yourself from this horrendous situation.

Borrow money if you have to, but get a lawyer!!!

I have exposed to his family although I am not sure they "care" in the way I would if I had a son. I think they have tired of his failures, lies, etc. It is old hat to them. I have spoken to his mother on several occassions. She has little to offer/say to me and even less to say or advise him. I recently confided in my Mother and my SIL. My Mother hates him now and can not stand to even look at him. I did not have the heart to tell my father or brothers. They are not forgiving and it would ruin everything should things ever get better.

I have found out all of the deals he has filtered to the company he set up for her. I have threatened to expose him and her to industry contacts. He is very angry at that possibility and says the most hateful threatening things ("You think I'm a D!CK Now, do that and you'll see how much worse I can be...") The thing is, she never closed any deals while she was "employed." He just paid her CASH for supposedly doing work. To this day I am yet to see proof of any of her work. I figure he was paying her to keep her interested. I think when the A was exposed in March he freaked out, she probably threatened to stop because she didn't want trouble and he in turn upped the ante to keep the A going by financing a business for her complete with 800 numbers, joint checking accounts, computers, fax machines, business cards, etc...etc.....

As far as his being abusive. He is terribly verbally abusive. He has only ever punched my twice before...and that was 8 or so years ago. I was shocked he would stoop to this behavior. I thought we were beyond it after all this time.

Also - we spoke at great length this morning and he said alot of the MB site quotes made sense. He said he wanted to come home, etc. I said that would only be possible if certain bounderies were maintained...respect, no verbal abuse, no physical abuse, care, etc...

He was fine with it all UNTIL I said I still wanted him to do the "4 original things." He was like, "What 4 things?" I said, "Write a NC letter, disolve the company, close the bank account and execute the non compete agreement she signed when she first came to work for you/us." He immediately went nuts and started being very mean, agressive, verabl again. I just can not believe that when it is all said and done, he keeps saying he will do the right thing but can not suffer doing those 4 basic things. They are non negotiable in my opinion, period. I just ended the convo by saying that we both knew what really happened, not just during the A, but after as I executed a near perfect plan A. I also said we all knew, including the kids, what the last 10 years have really been like and that I was not going to let his revitionist history ruin their memories as well. I just said that those 4 points were not an option and that he could think about it as long as he liked. I ended by saying that if and when he decided we might all still be here or we may have moved on. Unfortunately I do not have the luxury of foresight and can not guarantee anything.

He was fuming, as he has been each and every time I have asked that he OFFICIALLY end all contact, connection and involvment. He even went so far as to say I only wanted those 4 things because all I care about is money. I laughed and asked what money I would be receiving? He didn't answer. As far as can tell, they both (H and OW) have stolen money from my family! All I said is that it was necessary to safegurad the kid's future, trust funds, college tuition, lifestyle, etc. I also said that this would ensure he wouldn't accidentaly run into her at any trade shows or conventions. DUH!

Did I mention that after being married 10 years we have no joint accounts - AT ALL and that he has hid all info on personal and business bank accounts from me. It turns out there are over 30 and early in his A he gave her all our account numbers, passwords, etc.... Imagine that! He just keeps saying he wasn't too bright and didn't think it through! DUH! Yet, when all this is pointed out and he agrees to do whatever it takes he immediately flips when asked to do 4 little things. I fell he wants to leave that avenue open just in case or whatever.

I could go on and on on what I have discovered. In the end he is angry this has all blown up in his face and that he can not have his cake and eat it too.

I also told him that he had to make a valid decision that he could live with and commit to sooner than later. I asked him if he thought the kids were stupid and didn't notice he has been gone, almost all the time for the last 3 weeks. I told him I would not let them live with uncertainty and fear.

I just don't understand all the "new" and "improved" history. He just keeps saying that the last 8 - 9 years have been bullspit and that he has not loved me. When I ask about events or private moments like his waking me up in the middle of the night because he wanted to tell me he loved me and that I was beautiful...he just responds with , "I don't know." Nothing matches. His new history does not match movies, pictures, private moments, events. For example, in his day timer I noticed he circled our anniversary and drew a big smiley face and wrote the words, "10 YEARS!!!!!" in big letters. I asked him why he would do that in his own personal day timer where no one but he would see it? I asked if that was the act of a man that has not loved his wife in 8 - 9 years. His response? "I don't know."

Anywho...I am exhausted but can not sleep. I have had stomach upset (back end) for 2 weeks. I think I need an anti-depressive or anti-anxiety med. I think I have crossed over to needing professional medical help. How degrading, humiliating and embarassing.

Also - I do not know how to go about getting all these ducks in a row. I have tried but he has kept me so out of the loop - obviously for a reason. How do I get myself in the loop to know what is happening and has happened in our business? Should I just start working it as well? To date, I have handeled all ad design and campaigns, electronic and print. Maybe I should start going on sales calls....would this even work? Is it a stupid idea? I just have no clue how to go about any of this....

Gwife

gwife...

how many children how old...

does the OW have children as well

I just don't understand all the "new" and "improved" history. He just keeps saying that the last 8 - 9 years have been bullspit and that he has not loved me.

that's typical all WS do it revisionalist history at its best..
ALL WS do it to justify their affairs...

don't get emotional about it
don't feed in to it..

learn to babble back..

you know dear the fact that you have become so good at telling lie after lie....is really brought to light when you say such things...

or

well that's horrible...I am very sad if you felt that way for sooo long that you should have said something...I feel bad you were so so so miserable for so long...

get it...
don't validate
but don't argue and power struggle those insane comments..

they are fluff...to get the focus off of his ACTIONS

you MUST MUST MUST get a lawyer....

do you have a brother who is business smart...

you can probably go after him and her on many levels...
one being the joint accounts...what's his is half yours...
but you have to move quickly to avoid him hiding more assetts from you....

you can still be marriage building and working on a legal level...

for the absolute protection of the children....

no more telling him no contact
no more relationship talk...

you need to get his attention..

in fact next time you talk to him keep it breezy keep it light..keep it short...

hey thanks for calling...suzie got a A on test
sally went to so and so's house...

and I'm having a cook out saturday with (a group of couples of friends...)...bye gotta go...

he'll be drooooling on the other end....

where's my wife...
the one that gets mad
that begs
that cries
that tries to control me...

where is she
and what is she up to...

he knows where the OW is..
he knows what she's doing..
she's a cheating snake...he clings to her cause she is as vile as him on certain levels...
dogs lay with dogs for a reason

you hold the power of the unknown

USE IT to full advantage...

oh you're coming home this weekend...shoot we were thinking of going away...oh well the kids will want to see you..
where are you staying when you come....what time do you want to see THEM

again and again you need a lawyer...to guide you ..do you have one for the business....
is he trustworthy...

ARK

ark-
Our kids - we adopted each other's children from previous marriages. My kids are twin D- 12 years old. Their bio father passed away when they were 3 months old. I met H shortly after and he has known them since they were about 1 year old. His D is 16. She does not know her mother as he has had full custody. I am the only mother she has ever known. I have known her for 11-12 years, as long as he has known the twins.

The OW has 2 kids - both under 3 years old.

I have been very hurt by the "babble." Today I was way more subdued and very calm. As I said - I plan A'd perfectly from D-Day#1 to D-day#2 (5 months straight). I stopped after d-day#2. I feel like a big fool. No more!

Thank you for the reverse babble info. I will use it...but in a very calm, not sarcastic way. I think it will help.

One of my brothers is very business savvy. He is a young Fortune 500 ent. Problem is, I can not tell him as he is very critical of people that have A. He would never be able to speak to H again if things work out. The men in my family are very duty oriented to both profession and family. This would crush them and I know, from past problems with cousins that had A - things will never be ok with them. They dwell. Not good.

He "thinks" he is coming back home tonight. ARG! How should I act? I was very casual when he called. I'm seriously in need of some help. I have a therapist but sitting there weeping does little once I am on my own. Would a medication help? I've never been one to take anything but my vitamins.

I think I will go to our beach house this weekend by myself. Let him have the kids all day for once. No joke he just interacts when it is fun. Never anything difficult. As a matter of fact, in May we found out DD16 had had sex and we were devestated. he ran away for 2 weeks, turned of his phone and did not call home. Abandonment each and every time something does not go as planned.

I need to go and do something fun. Anything to show him I have a life and have other things to occupy my time. I know he made that comment yesterday. He said, I don't have time for your crap. I know that's all you do, sit around obsessing about it." At the time I was like, "heck yes, this is my family, my everything you are ruining."

The sad thing is our 10 year anniversary is next week. Something I will never get back - just happens once and it is ruined. I am beyond sick.

We have a business attorney and accountant but I "think" (not sure) that they would not be trusted. Our old attorney told him everything I ever used him for, not that I ever kept anything from H but the attorney would call him to verify what I was doing was ok. He retired and I do not think the new one would be better.

I have printed out a list of lawyers in my area. I am going to call tomorrow afternoon to make an appointment. Money is not an issue. Yes, he controls every cent he gives me but still, the allowance is enough to get someone on retainer plus I have a bit saved up.The one thing I will say is that last week he saw a name of an attorney on my desk and he flipped out. He called me a bi!ch and said I was DECEIVING HIM and that I WAS MAKING A FOOL OF HIM by pretending I wanted to be married and making arrangements for a D behind his back! Yes, he has ba!!s to make such an accusation and pretend I'm a bad person after all he has done. I threw the number out and did not call after that. I guess I thought it would be impossible to work on things if his ego thought I was walking away.

This is all so weird and I am completely out of my element. I feel like I am living with a monster.

Thanks for all the feedback, please keep it coming. Right now, this is all the support I have.

Gwife

I think you should enlist your brother..

I also think you should write your plan B letter and prepare to execute in the near future....

he played you for a long time...
no real reason to go back in to a long drawn out plan A...

I think that you should seriously consider using your brother....
you can set boundaries and limits with him that you hope and pray dearly for TRUE recovery with your husband.....
but I think with a man that hides money from his wife and children...
YOU need to find a shark on your side....

you will come in to conflict over this with brother...but he loves you and it is hard for them to see you hurt...but be strong in your conviction of hope for true recovery down the road...

but he most likely has the connections....

tape phone calls between you and husband to document the verbal abuse....

is he does he call the girls on a regular basis....

the problem with you leaving him in the home is you need to have your stuff secured..

ie your jewelery
your records..
kids records...birth certificates...etc..

I would not trust your husband right now...

also you need to clear your history on your computer....

trust me \
trust me
trust me
on this one thing...

another FALSE recovery
another year of living the lies..
another second of being played..

will and is 1,000,000,000 times worse than living free of his choices IF he continues this path...

that true peace will come
with either TRUE recovery
or
your freedom from the currently vile husband you have....

I am very afraid of what his plan is for your and the children....

I would suggest you stay home this weekend but fill it with activities..

out with girlfriends...shopping dinner fall festivals etc..
have people over at night...friends

does hubby have a best friend you can expose to as well..

you must enlist your family since your husband is and has been physical..
you must be prepared to call the police

you must protect yourself...

your husband may get desperate before this over due to the way he has emeshed this OW so horribly in to your private affairs..

the fact she has accepted his offers speaks VOLUMES of her lack of value system...

sickening that she takes money and resources from another mans children...

sickening...

write your plan B letter ASAP

does he say he is coming home for good...
blech

ARK

Yes. AS of this afternoon - he said he was coming home. I have no clue if it is for good. He keeps wanting me to just drop it (like I did in March when I moved into Plan A without a so much as a blink.) He was screaming at me telling me to write the NC letter for him and fill out whatever forms (secretary of state Illinois) to disolve the company. He kept saying he didn't have time to deal with MY crap. I just said, ok.....think about it...when you are ready let me know. If we are still here, great...if not, oh well. I told him I could not guarantee anything. That is also when I told him I was re-establishing my bounderies. That which was not acceptable when we were courting would not be acceptable now, etc...etc... Like I said, he was fine with it all until I said the last thing he had to do was the original 4...disolve company, close joint account, execute non-compete and write NC letter. That is when he started screaming and being very verbal. I was very calm and just stated that it was not acceptable and I had things to do and that when he was ready we would see where things were. I said good bye and went to work on something I've been putting off.

He never calls the kids when he is gone. I mentioned this to him today and low and behold he called the kids after school. I started giggling to myself. It is so staged and fake. He is a good father when he is around them...not what he has done to them and me behind their backs. We never scream or fight in front of our kids. Beaver Cleaver.

What do you mean that you are afraid of what his plan is for me and the girls? I just feel like all my thoughts are flawed and I have no clue what to think or how to prepar for what might be coming. Truth - I can not imagine what more can come my way. i guess I am naiive in so many ways. Please expand on that comment. Having a sounding board - people with experience - viewpoints and prospectives I don't have is necessary.

I wish someone could inhabit my body and get things rolling. I'm such a stupid wimp. I love being a wife, dote and devote, respect and admire, all the crap I thought was necessary. Oh well, the therap[ist said he is a pathologicl liar with narsaccistic tendancies. He never went back. He said she didn't like him. It always ends that way. With tons of promises he doesn't intend to keeep - just uses them to shut me up. And in that moment - I am actually happy. Go figure. STupid girl, huh?

Gwife

What do you mean that you are afraid of what his plan is for me and the girls? I just feel like all my thoughts are flawed and I have no clue what to think or how to prepar for what might be coming.

here's what concerns me about your hubby....I bet he has a huge ego...and when it comes out how much he emeshed and involved this woman in to your world especially with such young children...

he's gonna have a strong strong urge to fight back and deny

I don't think he will go down easy...

lots of blame coming your way
lots of denial in the community that he could be that man that does this to his family

I hope I am wrong...really wrong...

what do you think...does that sound right...

that's why I think you need to circle the wagons and prepare for plan B

ark

yeah - the huge ego thing...the fake persona in the comuunity....I think taht is why he is so beside himself with it all.

He is home now. I am logging off. WIll check back in the morning....

Feeling compelled to pray tonight for your protection, discernment, and wisdom.

May God's leading be prevalent tonight.

Here ya go, G-

SMB, Ark-
Thank you for the support and well wishes/prayers!

He came home, was sitting on the sofa when I walked downstairs. He was just sitting there with a legal pad in one hand and a pen in the other. I said hello and he just looked at me and asked if I could look at something. He handed me the legal pad and written on it was the majority of a pretty good no contact letter. In it he says he made many mistakes that have affected both his personal and business life. He also goes on to say that even if OW will not admit it she had much to do with the situation. He goes on to "implore" that she respect the NC and then informs her that the non-compete she signed when she was "hired" would be enforced and that she had to stop soliciting business in the industry or he would have to seek legal action. He also closed the joint checking account yesterday afternoon, the joint checking account he had with her. He showed me the fax confirmation from the bank. (Do you think that is lagit? Should I verify further?) He asked if I could give him the forms necessary to disolve the company he formed with her. I was SHOCKED! I just shook my head (yes) after I was done reading his letter and said everything looked "fine." He then said he was very sorry that the situation had gotten so bad. I was so tired I took a sleeping pill and went to bed.

I want to point out that I wrote the first NC letter (in March) and he agreed that it be sent. Obviously they had other plans and neither ever intended to honor it. Since D-day#2 he has refused to write one and the last week he just screams that I should write it....as if I didn't learn my lesson the first time.

This morning he woke up very early and made breakfast for the girls. He also made me breakfast - he actually cooked "MY" breakfast - the same thing I have been eating for the last 6 months.

I called him after the gym (around noon) and he was very eager to share details about his morning. He then asked if I wanted to go away - by myself - to a resort or something as a gift. Our 10 year wedding anniversary is next week. He said, "I don't know what to give you. It's as if anything would be an insult at this point." Again - after the last 3 weeks of he!! I do not know if this is a game, ploy, joke or what. I just agreed with his statement and said I would think about it.

I do not know what to think. What about all the statements regarding our past (revised history) where he keeps telling me he has not loved me for 8-9 years or that he was "forced" to marry me, etc...etc...? His comments are crazy - I am way youngerthan he is and in no way could I have ever "forced" him to do anything. His other comments about not loving me does not match reality, videos, pictures, cards, letters, etc....I know these statments are all made to try to justofy his behavior but doesn't he believe them now? His new reality? How does that play into my life now?

I am way confused by this turn of events. When he punched me in the head on Wednesday afternoon he was screaming at the same time, "Do you wanna die?" over and over again. I almost thought (in the moment) "this is how it happens. this is CSI in real life..." It was so weird and I was caught so off guard.

Now he is back and sorry (although his apology isn't very emotionally charged.) It sounds sincere but he isn't crying about it like I would be. Then again he is a man. I don't know what to think any longer.

Should I still contact an attorney? Snoop? Be cold? Be soft? Try Plan A again (I was PERFECT for 5 months...no joke)? What to do? What to do?

Gwife