I have moved in with her for the last two weeks. Today I helped her to get her first driver's license. After she got her license, she smiled to me and said I can leave and do what I should now. Even though she made it like joking, I know she would have been demanding me if I didn't just helped her.

If I expose her to her school, it probably won't matter what my purpose is. The university policy will cost her career as a faculty member. That's why I am hesitating...

Update:
Tonight we had a nice dinner together. After dinner, I said I will wait for her decision, but it is not approving her to continue contacting OM. she said she has been doing everything she can and she cannot do anything more than she is doing now. She said her thinking is just to be cautious, not just purely "thinking", which I think implies she will continue to see OM when she thinks OK.

I am still continuing my Plan A, but I certainly look forward to Plan B.

If you are living with her, block all access to OM. Don't tell your WW that you are doing it, but delete all his contact info from her phone, block his email, do everything you can to interfere with her contacting him. Also tell her that you will not stand for OM interfering in your M anymore.

I cannot find a way to block all her communication channels with OP, but for the last two days, I could reduce their communications down by appearing before her when she was calling or about to call OP because I learned when she was going to call OP from their secret email account.

The first day, OP called her cell, but she left her cell at home. I saw the call and directly went to her office. I caught her calling him using work phone but I pretend that I did not know who she was calling. She had to hang up and OP was upset thinking she was upset to him. She then explained in her secret email about me appearing suddenly. She said to OP that I might know who she was calling.

I then appeared even earlier the second day because I knew she promised to call OP at around 4PM. This time, she couldn't call him at all due to my presence. I could see she was upset, but she dare not tell me why she was upset.

I think she is kind of suspicious of why I could keep showing up right on the spot. I hope she won't change the password to the secret email account so that I can keep interfering their communication.

Our life together becomes better, but she wrote to OP that she knew I won't change my attitude to her A and she won't change her feeling to OP either. "It's a matter of who will endure to the end," she wrote to OP. So I guess she wants me to make the decision to divorce so that she will be like a victim of this whole thing. But I won't. I will persevere because I think it is a right thing to do.

Any suggestions?

Thanks!

Yeah, tell her she needs to send OM a NC letter and never speak with him again. If she refuses, take your proof and expose to her employer. She'll try and blame you, but she is the one to blame. You need to suck it up, be a man, and make her experience the consequences of her actions.

Also, have you contacted OM's family? I'm sure they wouldn't want their son running around with your wife. You've got to start really attacking this affair. Pussyfooting around will get you nowhere.

Another thing. She mentioned in her secret email that I may make my decision sooner than THEM (and things between THEM will be simpler) because I told her I will not accept her further involvement in the affair. She said to OP that by telling him this she is not pushing him to make his decision either and everyone has their right to live the life they want.

Is it a signal that she wants to marry OP (she has been mentioning the $10,000 bed we saw in her colleague's home and its usage of making babies) but OP needs to think about it? After all, he is only 18 and my wife is 27. He may have some concerns.

Another thing. My MIL told me that she has prepared a very long email to my wife but wasn't sure when to send it out to her. In the letter she will be telling my wife that she knows everything and rebuking my wife in this affair because in her opinion college students loving their young female teachers is common and it is my wife's responsibility to refuse this boy's immature love.

MIL is choosing a time to send the letter to my wife. I am not sure how my wife will respond when she knows that I have secretly learned about OP and told MIL.

I couldn't find out OP's family, even though I know through their emails that his family are visiting him on his university campus. I know OP's registered name in his university and which city he comes from, but there is no match on the website you suggested to me a couples posts ago.

The only additional information I have is that he has a younger brother.

She has practically refused to NC OP during our talk a few days ago.

If I expose her to her employer, she might get fired according to university policy which will be a huge damage to her life and I don't see how we can live together after I do that to her. That's why I want to use this as my final strike.

Am I being too soft here?

Another thing. She mentioned in her secret email that I may make my decision sooner than THEM (and things between THEM will be simpler) because I told her I will not accept her further involvement in the affair. She said to OP that by telling him this she is not pushing him to make his decision either and everyone has their right to live the life they want.

Is it a signal that she wants to marry OP (she has been mentioning the $10,000 bed we saw in her colleague's home and its usage of making babies) but OP needs to think about it? After all, he is only 18 and my wife is 27. He may have some concerns.

Another thing. My MIL told me that she has prepared a very long email to my wife but wasn't sure when to send it out to her. In the letter she will be telling my wife that she knows everything and rebuking my wife in this affair because in her opinion college students loving their young female teachers is common and it is my wife's responsibility to refuse this boy's immature love.

MIL is choosing a time to send the letter to my wife. I am not sure how my wife will respond when she knows that I have secretly learned about OP and told MIL.

Expose to the university. And ask her mother to send the email. You need to shed light on the affair. That may end it. What good will it do you if your wife keeps her job and divorces you?

I paid $5 for a phone reverse search and found out the cell phone OP is using is under another person with the same last name. Maybe it is not under OP's name because he is too young and hasn't got his own cell phone yet? Anyway, I think it is at least a relative of OP (OP originally comes from Taiwan). So I searched yellowbook for that person's name in the city OP comes from. I found another number (should be a landline).

I am planning to call this number very soon. Any suggestions on how to start the conversation with the other end of the line? Reveal the fact that an 18-year-old boy is having an affair with a 27-year-old woman? That might get the attention of the other end?

Thanks!

Call and let them know that you love your wife and desire to save your marriage. Then reveal the affair. Keep revealing it to people until you have exposed it to everyone close to her or the boy.

Yes, you are being too soft. You do what to her? SHE has done this to YOU and HERSELF. You are just holding her accountable. You are going to save this in your back pocket until it is too late. Use it now. You told her you expected NC from OM. She refused. Now you are going to enforce your marital boundary. If she didn't want to be exposed, all she had to do was agree to NC or never have an affair in the first place. She only has herself to blame. Just expose and lay low for a while. She'll be angry, but she'll get over it. I've always thought of it like this: If you can get over her cheating on you, she can get over you exposing her for doing it. Which one is morally wrong and more unforgiveable?

This really makes sense to me.

I think I will expose this to OP's family first, then I will talk to her one last time saying if she does not agree to NC, I will expose her more. I am not sure how exactly I will do it because I don't want it to sound like threatening.

You don't use exposure as a threat for a couple reasons. Firstly, you give them an opportunity to come up with a story to tell people before you have exposed to them, and a WS will paint you as a jealous wifebeater if necessary. Secondly, it is more of a LB is you threaten it first. You should never threaten another person. I would just tell her you will do whatever is necessary to save your marriage.

This affair would already be over if you had just exposed to OM's family and WW's employer already. That would end it almost immediately. Now, your WW will probably hate you for a few months afterwards, but after several months of NC, she'll get over it. Your soft stance against this affair has not gotten you anywhere. It is time to stop being afraid of your WW and what she will do, and start taking a hard stand for yourself and your marraige.

My wife said she decided to break up with OP, although I haven't called OP's family yet due to some reasons.

she cried all Sunday night and told me everything.

she said she is a bad woman because she wanted both and does not know which one to choose. She said she described me as a bad husband to OP so that he thought he was rescuing her from a bad husband. but now OP realized that i am not a bad person, and he said he is afraid he cannot love her as I do. My wife said to me that it broke her heart that OP is afraid because she has been encouraging him and trying to keep him. She said she does not know what love really is any more and asked me if she is demon possessed and sinning and if all these are not real.

she said she is a foolish woman and has been day dreaming. she said she is stupid to love a boy. but she cannot help it. But doing this she has put a lot of pressure on OP and made all three of us suffer. She finally decided to end it.

She begged me to take her away from this country because she wants to forget all things and all people here. she said she just want to be with me somewhere alone and start over our life.

But yesterday she said it's not fair to force me to give up my career in this country, so she wants to try to find a job in Italy next year by herself. She just wants to leave this country for several years to forget everything. That way she can also see me from a distance and see whether she wants to spend the rest of her life with me.

She also said she might not be able to provide a family with me (having kids) in the near future, and she does not want to be unfair to me. so, I think currently she is thinking of giving up both of us.

I was so happy that she finally decided to end the A, but when I saw her weeping from time to time these past days, I wonder if i am being cruel here. But I know I should stand firm and give her confidence that we will have a even better marriage after going through this.

I wonder if I am in recovery stage now. I would appreciate any advice from you.

Thank you.

If you want to truly recover, you need to live with her for the rest of your life. Tell her that you are willing to give your marriage another chance and take things slowly, but you need to live together and go to counseling to make sure you don't get hurt like this again.

My wife wrote a long email to OP saying she feels no pain now, but she wants OP to remember her, at least their love. She created a blog for him.

She has pretty much decided to go to Europe alone for at least one year. It is very hard for me to change her mind because she is obviously in love with OP.

I know she is still waiting for OP to grow up. I over heard she telling her friend that she will try not to completely cut OP off by sending him her pictures from time to time.

I had to listen to her telling her story with OP when I was comforting her. I know she is upset and decides to leave this country not because she realized that she is doing something wrong, but because OP broke up with her. I know if OP changes his mind, she will run back to him without any hesitation.

But I have decided to focus on my life from now on. I have tried my best, and her heart is still not with me, even if OP broke up with her. I really don't see much hope any more...

Tell your WW to cut the [censored] and stop contacting OM. If she continues, expose her to her employer. It's time you finally grow a pair and stand up for yourself and your marriage. There is a reason that very few people take the time to post to you. It's because you are a pushover who refuses to listen to any of our advice. It's time you take control of you situation. I can't make you. You had better figure it out yourself.

I'm getting sick of the "whoa is me, I've lost hope" and self pity crap. You are in this situation because you refuse to do anything to get yourself out of it. I am done posting to you until you finally listen to some advice and stand up for yourself.

Thank you for all your help and critique. It has been a long time since I posted last time. Finally, my wife has totally NC'ed OP. She wants to rebuild our relationship from the scratch, forgetting all the past. We have long time talks and figured out major emotional needs of each other. I know the recovery will not be easy, but it is surely worthy of trying. She still feels unhappy from time to time, but I am confident that we will eventually recover from this and move on to many years of happiness in the future.

My dissertation is going well. I will defend soon and graduate. I started marathon training, to keep my spirit high in the process of recovery.

I will read the recovery forum. I also get Dr. Harley's two books and will read them to learn how to make my marriage affair proof.

Thank you all!