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#1947857 09/29/07 04:17 AM
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My WW had a phys. affair, and is continuing the EA using the cell phone, and the internet connection *I* pay for. It would be very easy to turn off these services effectively removing her ability to communicate with the OM and since a large geographic distance is involved between my WW and the OM seeing each other in person is not really possible. I hold the purse strings. the car is only im my name etc...

is cutting off all the means of communications she has with the OM the right thing to do if i have asked her to go NC with him and she has refused?


"If you lose hope, somehow you lose the vitality that keeps life moving, you lose that courage to be, that quality that helps you go on in spite of it all. And so today I still have a dream." -Martin Luther King, Jr. BS-26 (me) WW-27 2 kids... Kinda (3yo, 6yo) Together 5 years, married 2 Discovered the infidelity 09/12/2007
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YES!

And keep an eye on her when she tries to find other ways to contact OM. If you don't want her to contact OM, don't allow it.


Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story
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Need more information - especially about the "kinda" kids. You have not been married very long, and she is already cheating.

Why is everything in your name only?

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Quote:

Need more information - especially about the "kinda" kids. You have not been married very long, and she is already cheating.

Why is everything in your name only?



For the "Kinda" kids.. the 3yo is bio, and legally mine.
the 6yo was from a previous relationship of hers, but I have been her only daddy as she has never seen her bio father. for 5 years she has been my child. I have not been able to adopt her, although I have tried.

Everything is in my name because when utilities, et al. were being established we were not yet married, and I was and still am the only one working.


"If you lose hope, somehow you lose the vitality that keeps life moving, you lose that courage to be, that quality that helps you go on in spite of it all. And so today I still have a dream." -Martin Luther King, Jr. BS-26 (me) WW-27 2 kids... Kinda (3yo, 6yo) Together 5 years, married 2 Discovered the infidelity 09/12/2007
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Do the two of you spend 15 hours a week alone doing fun things?

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we do not currently reside in the same house. I had become suicidal with her constantly talking to the OM. I am staying about 3 miles away. She doesnt want to spend the time with me.


"If you lose hope, somehow you lose the vitality that keeps life moving, you lose that courage to be, that quality that helps you go on in spite of it all. And so today I still have a dream." -Martin Luther King, Jr. BS-26 (me) WW-27 2 kids... Kinda (3yo, 6yo) Together 5 years, married 2 Discovered the infidelity 09/12/2007
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Oh, then by all means, cut off the service. I think she can still call 911, even without credit.

Does she work outside of the home? Sounds like she has a lot of time on her hands.

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Quote:

we do not currently reside in the same house. I had become suicidal with her constantly talking to the OM. I am staying about 3 miles away. She doesnt want to spend the time with me.




Get on some antidepressants to help you deal with the situation, and MOVE BACK IN! Do not allow your WW to continue contact w/ OM. She cannot contact him if you do not allow it. She'll get pissed off for a while, but she'll get over it.


Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story
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Absolutely. By not cutting off the services and her rufusal to go no contact; you are in fact enabling the affair to continue. Why would you want this? No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. I wish you luck.

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Yes. HOwever, only cut the communication capabilities that you pay for that keep her in contact with the OM. Try to keep your head about you and despite your deepest desires to see her fry, do not become vindictive. It will only come back to hurt you in the end. Despite the things people do to hurt us, we have to bless them anyhow. We have to wish only love and happiness to everyone in our lives and every person with whom we come into contact with. This is the way to begin to change your thoughts to only those of a positive nature and cast away the negative thoughts that seem to overtake our days.

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Hi
I am in a somewhat similar situation except I have just found out and they are living in the apartment I pay for her and her son which I had left, along with all the bills etc. I left because I was going to go back to my home country to work.
With regard to the advice above, if your hope is reconciliation would cutting her off as described above maybe push her into the arms of the OM?

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No, because OM doesn't want to have to pay for her.


Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story
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Yeah, I know it is going to make her bloody mad which seems contradictory to the policy of acting nice, you know being the kind of guy she wants to be with again.
Is it a case of be tough, cut her off and THEN be the nice guy if you know what I mean?

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Be nice to her personally and meet some ENs, but don't enable her affair. Ignore her when she gets angry, but be nice to her when she is calm.


Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story

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