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Hi. I haven't been here in a while I thought I should move to this section. The above link is my original thread in case anyone would like to read the history.

Can't sleep. Can't get comfortable! The divorce is underway. I hadn't seen him in months and saw him in court. I'm showing and it was the first time he saw my stomach. I held myself together as much as possible but during a break, I lost it. My lawyer was so kind and helped me gather myself together.

The past few months have been good ones. I've focused on my health, put on some baby weight. I was really underweight prior to it. I'm looking to move to have a second bedroom.

Friends and co workers seem so worried about me. I ask them what they are worried about but they can't really come up with anything specific. There are a lot of single mothers in the world that are less fortunate. It all remains to be seen what happens after the birth as far as his interest in fatherhood. I have no idea if he's past his anger, we have zero contact. His deposition said that he will pay child support. I have no idea if he's at all interested in fatherhood and being a parent. He made it clear when I told him that he wants nothing to do with me and cannot wait to be divorced.

I have this very weird concern. Maybe it's nothing, maybe someone can offer advice. I'm wondering what might happen if there is some kind of visitation set up. I haven't talked to the lawyer about it yet, he's concentrating on the here and now. Hopefully I'll be nursing. Does anyone know how a nursing mother handles visitation? The idea of having to spend time with him and the newborn is too upsetting right now. I also wonder if he will be allowed to take the baby for short periods of time. I'd imagine he'd have to have baby gear and products.

Sorry, it's late and I'm rambling on. Maybe some cookies and milk will help <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Thanks for reading.

Welcome over to the DV board, Grettel. I read through your thread.
Since you’ll be a working mom, you may want to consider expressing the milk and providing bottles for your husband. Or you could just set the time limit of two hours. Honestly, even happy dads are often ready to hand the child back after two hours. Yours is less than enthusiastic. As the baby grows and becomes more easily understood, you know, it smiles…, your STBX may want to spend longer times. And yes, he’ll need a car seat and diapers and stuff. You could make this easy on yourself and pack a bag for him, or you could fret and worry.

Do you know what sex the baby is?

Also, it’s never too early to line up childcare. Infant care is extremely hard to come by, and I can tell you’ll be picky. (Good thing, too)

Suzanne, I just read some of your posts. If you happen to see this, well, I understand and feel for you. You sound like a fantastic Mom and congratulations on your daughter.

I'm having a girl too. She'll have his last name, as I'm not changing my married name. My update is that I've got a few more months to go. Looks like the divorce will happen some in March or so. It's hard to tell. He does not get in contact with me, only through his lawyer and it's all about divorce and money. He wants me to poof and disappear. It's like he's disappeared too. All those years of being together and then nothing. I ran into a relative of his a few months ago and she saw my obvious belly and was really confused. She only heard that we were already divorced. Seems that he didn't tell his family about the baby! When I thought about it, it's pretty typical behavior. He always put on the perfect face for them.

I refuse to have any kind of additional stress during this pregnancy. I've been dealing with things as they come up. I know they'll be there, but for now I need to stay emotionally healthy. What I'm not looking forward to is post birth issues, meaning the actual divorce, single motherhood. I still have to have the paternity test and he said through his lawyer that he would pay child support - if - this child is his. IF - is laughable. He also said he will not have anything to do with the child. Sometimes it all seems unbelievable, but much of the time I'm thrilled that I'll be starting my own family.

Grettel. Seems we have similar situations. At times I wondered why I had to get pregnant if I was getting a divorce. Now that my baby is here, she gives me so much hope and joy during this difficult time. She is three weeks old. My STBX dropped me off at the hospital and left. I had an emergency c-section and was all alone. He came by the hospital latter that day but it just confirms to me that he is lost and needs help. I am nursing and have to supplement my baby cause she wasn't gaining weight and had jaundice. If your STBX wants to see the child then let him worry about that. This past week my STBX asked to see the baby twice a week for an hour. That is reasonable so I am letting him see her at his mother's house. It is very hard when my H didn't want anything to do with the baby and now he does. I am trying to deal with it though. He wants to be responsible and will pay child support. My issue is how my H is living his life now and setting a bad example for my children. That is what hurts worse. However, I am trying to be amicable with him. We don't talk cause he is so irrational and confrontational. He is feeling I'm sure alot of guilt and is miserable for the stupid decisions in his life. But we have to let people make their own decisions and give it to God to deal with them and let Him work with them to see the light one day. There is no court order regarding visitation with the infant but very short periods, one to two hours are usually appropriate. Again, let you H worry about contacting you if he wants to see the baby. Let me know if you need anymore advice or encouragement. I'm here.

Suzanne, thank you for responding. I really feel for you. It just comes off the page. I read some more of your earlier posts to see how the timeline went. I have to say, marriage builders or not, you really gave it your all. I've learned that we can work at it, hope, work at it some more and the other person wants to avoid the whole thing and yet they are good at feeling bad. You are better off! I'd like to wring his guilty neck.

I'm glad your husband will be paying for his child and that he has interest in being with her. Would you consider him a good parent aside from his (I'm guessing) immaturity? To not stay at the hospital after he drove you is just disgusting. Everything about that is wrong and selfish.

Being civil is a good way to be. She'll grow up not knowing anything else, that this is the way her life has always been. I hope he remains consistent with both children. I've seen other divorced people and I've seen them change over time. It's great to see them happy, better off and really not dwelling on old news.

Greengables - I never thanked you for your welcome to this part of the forum. Thanks! I think I answered some of your questions in my post above. It's really a time will tell situation. We haven't laid eyes on each other in months.
I do have family and friends that are on baby alert when the time comes. I try not to jump too far ahead with things. Will I call him? No, I don't think I will. He requested a DNA test, so let him get the results in a letter from my lawyer. As far as he's concerned, he no longer has a wife and doesn't want this child. Again,for him it's like poof, bye bye. I'd be completely shocked if he really wanted to be an involved parent.

I found this board too late because I've read so much great advice. I wish I had found it last February when we had just started to talk with some civility. I was really naive when I look back. Someone here would have said to innocently date each other and spend time together to reconnect, rather than be intimate like a husband and wife. I wish I had done that, but physical intimacy seemed so natural after so many years.

Hello. Baby is here and is of course a love. They say the divorce should be completed in a couple of months. He saw the baby at the lawyer's office and was completely uninterested. I did let him know when I went into labor, but got no response. I wasn't expecting a response, but I felt it was the right thing to do. I'm over this whole thing. My home is always filled with company who just love this baby. I would have had an open door policy if he wanted visitation, but if he ever does want it, it will be clearly spelled out in the documents.

Congratulations on your baby. They truly change our lives. I have two children myself and my husband walked out on us just weeks before our son turned one. We still see each other but it's not the same. I have tried to figure out what to do in this situation not necessarily for myself as I believe time will heal and the answers will come but I am thinking more about my children. Do I really want my son to grow up to be a father and husband like the man I married? One who shirks responsibility, avoids dealing with conflicts and obligations, and thinks only of himself? Do I want my daughter to grow up to marry a man like this? My answer is no and I hope that, no matter what happens, my children will learn from my example and form their own opinion of their father and of relationships.

It sounds like you have those same kinds of thoughts. The father of your baby sounds like he also would prefer to avoid the responsibility (unless I missed something). While it is so important for a child to have a relationship with a father the quality of the relationship and the lessons learned must be considered. Please do your best to care for yourself and your baby over the next several months to forge a bond so strong and deep that maybe it wouldn't even feel a father figure would be missing. Your hormones will be wild but it sounds like you have good friends and family that can help.