Hi,
Not sure how this post thing really works. I posted in another place and was told to repost in GQ2? Don't know what that is, mabey here?
Anyway... my post here
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...e=0#Post3312419says this:
Please help me, I don't know where to turn or what to do. (Is this the right place to post this?)
So my wife is pregnant again.... Isn't this a nice way for you to find out? Mom will be so proud.....
She had the usual tests done and a day later the Dr calls leaving a message, they would "like to discuss the test results". She didn't get a chance to call them back until the next day. She came home shortly after she left for work in a tirade. Telling me what a loser I am and that if I don't get out of this house right away, she would have me removed...
I had NO CLUE what was going on or what had happened. I didn't even know she heard back for the Dr so quickly... Apparently, over the phone, the Dr/Nurse - whoever it was, told her that she has Chlamydia.
Well now I'm the loser who went and slept with someone and then gave it to her. The thing is... I am NEVER alone, I'm either at work or here at home with her, I do NOTHING without her...ever, so how could I even if I wanted to??!!?! It never happened. I've never considered it. Period.
But now I have to go get tested too. I'm fairly certain I'll come up negative... seeing how we rarely have sex.
I've made comments to her that we moved closer to her job so she wouldn't have to be gone 12-14 hours a day (We live 6.5 miles form her office now). Yet she STILL is gone 12-14 hours a day. At least 2 days a week, sometimes 3. So I asked her, who has she slept with? After all, she's CONSTANTLY accusing me of cheating on her. So this makes me think she's accusing me to cover her tracks? (That part comes from experience...sadly).
She swears she never has cheated on me, or anyone else. I have though, so I must have cheated on her too. Now she's super pissed because of her age and the complications this STD causes for the pregnancy.
I am beside myself, completely pissed off that she has this knowing full well that I have never cheated on her, and doing my own research to find out if there is any other way to get this....there is, but it's VERY RARE, so I'm highly doubtful it was contracted any other way but through sexual intercourse. Which makes her the cheater and the liar.
I'm at a loss though.... I can't prove to her that I didn't cheat. Her words... there is nothing, not even solid proof - if any existed, that would make her believe me. I have lived with this woman for 4 years, telling me to "get out" I'm a "loser", and she "hates me". I honestly wonder if this is how my Uncle felt/feels being married to my Aunt... it is 100% her way or no way. Period.
What's really messed up, is I'm more pissed I can't prove to her that I didn't cheat than I am of her cheating... why?!??! I KNOW I DIDN'T CHEAT!!!!
Years ago.. my Mom said something I overheard one holiday, she thought my wife was marrying me for a settlement I was getting from a motorcycle accident. She hates my mother now for that reason alone.
The money from my settlement? It's gone. Every penny. Gone. I bought her a car in cash, then bought a laptop, TV, and went on a vacation. The rest went into CDs. It was supposed to be for the kids. But We needed some money so we closed them out... I was shocked! These were all slated to be replaced with one of her bonuses (more on that later).
We had some loans and I needed a new car, seeing how I bought her a car (For the safety of the baby) she gave me her 1996 Ford Taurus, which we sank about $4000 into for tires, brakes, and a new transmission. I just wanted a new car back then, but seeing how her father gave her the Taurus, she couldn't get rid of it so wanted me to fix it up and drive it. So we did, but then it died...
So for me to get a new car, we agreed we would close out the rest of the CDs and pay off all the loans, my credit card, and her SEVEN credit cards... I bought my car, but I have a loan on it, something I cannot afford on my salary alone. (the titles to each car is in both our names though) What "change" was left over from paying the stuff off with the CD money, was pissed away on ...I don't really know. Clothes maybe? Out to dinner too much? Bottom line is the money that I had and was actually doing good saving for my future and the benefit of my kids...is gone.
Ironically, the same day the Dr called and left her a message on her cell phone, she got a $9000 bonus from work. She gets at least that every 6 months - this is her 2nd bonus of this amount as she's been there a little over 1 year, her very first bonus was $2000, after being there 2 months.
So now that my money is gone, and she has hers - hers is "hers", mine is "ours" just for reference.... She wants me gone, no contact with our son, just 2 now... ever,(I don't see my other kids now so I don't need to see him) Here's the thing about that though, she doesn't like them! And I end up feeling uncomfortable with them here with us, and I don't want the 20 questions if I stay somewhere else with them. And she says this next baby will never know me. I love him so much, and I would fight for custody of him if I honestly thought I had a fighting chance. She'll never let me see him though, she refuses to let me go see my Mom and Dad with him. She doesn't want to go, and when I mention going she tells me to go alone.
I'm tired and emotionally drained from dealing with the way I feel I need to live around her, I'd go in a heartbeat but I want my son. I would prefer that he be raised with an intact family though. I just don't know if I can do it. Plus, reality is, I'm financially ruined again. I couldn't make it with my current job and bills on my own. Sure I could give up my car, but I doubt I'd get what I owe, so I'd still have that bill, and have to get another car.
Want to know what really sucks? Next Autumn we could have seriously bought a house. Now look at me. Almost 38, back in the same damn boat I was in 15 years ago. Going to have to find some guy renting out a room and dealing with roommate crap.
What do I do? How can I prove I haven't cheated? Do I really care? Is this a real opportunity that's telling me, get out now? What about the next Baby? She's due in 6 months. That baby needs a father! My son needs a father!
Honestly... with no kids in this marriage, I would have been long gone. I am not happy, I haven't been in a long time. I am just used to the mental and emotional abuse. I just exist.... It's not like we really see each other anyway. She's gone to work long before I get up. She's home between 6-6:30 and upstairs watching TV or in bed by 8:00. So I get 90-120 minutes 5 days a week. Weekends is when the fighting typically happens too... Unless we're on a road trip or not talking about my family.
Do I try to stay for the kids? Or do I try to get my life back? And....what life is that?
Sorry if this belongs somewhere else
