Hi. I'm a newbie but I've been reading a lot on this site for the last week. Married 6 years with a 1 year old. I found out a few months ago that my H has been calling (3 times a day) and occasionally kissing OW for over a year since I was pregnant (probably closer to 2 years). I kicked him out (big mistake now I know) and since he thought our marriage was over, he spent a bunch of time with OW and had sex once (found out almost 2 weeks ago when he came home). That's his story anyways...I have reason to believe it wasn't only sex once but that's another story.

So my WH seemed really committed to fixing our marriage...for like 3 days. He's even quit his job so he won't see her so that seemed positive. And then he became withdrawn again (OW sent an email). I thought maybe it was just because I've been hard to deal with, always wanting to talk about everything, wanting to understand why it happened and how I can meet his ENs. WH swears he's never been unhappy with me, he just likes the attention from OW. So maybe partly it is his issues like self esteem that contributed to the A, but I can also see things about myself that probably didn't help, like my lack of affection and admiration.

So since WH has withdrawn again, I suspected contact. My spy phone recorder caught several conversations yesterday. I told WH I had a feeling that he was still talking to her, which he continues to deny. I can't believe how easily he can lie to my face. And we're starting MC today - it just seems so sad that he's still continuing the EA but wants MC. From the conversation, it sounds like WH & OW have agreed to end the PA so he can work on his marriage but obviously the EA is still there. And they talked about stuff like always wanting to keep talking to each other, no matter what. And OW says stuff like if WH & me don't work things out in a year, she'll still be there waiting for him. Ugh, no wonder he's so addicted to her, OW strokes his ego constantly.

So I've decided to try Plan A. It seems so hard to do though...being so loving and nice towards him when I know he's lying to me and has hurt me so badly. Plus it's sickening the way he talks about me to her...he always swore that they never talked about me and never in a bad way. I feel like I'm married to a stranger...he seems like 2 completely different people. Even the way he talks about the same situation to both of us - he's planning a trip soon and is so excited and keeps asking me to come. Then he tells her yesterday that he's trying to figure out a way to leave me at home and would rather take her. I guess WH always try to keep both women happy...it's just so hard to imagine acting like that...I'm having trouble finding a reason to want to try anymore. I feel like I'm the only one trying to fix our M, yet WH is the one that cheated. Seems so unfair....

I'm hoping Plan A will help. I've read part of it is exposure - I know some of OW friends and WH friends/coworkers have heard about A recently but our families don't know. I'll probably tell WH's parents today but WH will be furious so I'm not sure it will help.

Anyways, I tried cuddling and kissing last night and it's amazing how much WH responded. Maybe this will work and the A will finally die out. I can only hope. And if not, I guess I'll know I tried. And if the horrible calls to OW continue, I won't have many feelings left for him anymore anyways so it'll be easier to walk away. Sorry this is long, it feels better to get it out and maybe receive some feedback on how it's worked for other people and any advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks so much for listening

Welcome to MB, Skater.


Writing it all out is therapeutic, and it does help. I did not know about Plans A or B so I never did them consciously....actually I did the opposite if the truth be known.

I don't have any advice for you but to keep reading and posting and possibly asking specific questions.

My WH lied to our MC.....seeing him was a very expensive smokescreen for his continued contact via a secret email draft/delete account, and pre-arranged calls to his work phone (which was not monitorable).

Again, glad you're here but sorry for the reason you came. I agree that exposure will be your best bet to end the A, but you should get your ducks in a row and do it swiftly.

Ask specific questions and others will be by soon I'm sure.

Ace