k .. new here and disappointed I have to find myself here!

hoping to find some words of encouragement or at least some relief from just writing some of this down ...

1st bit about me ... married 7 yrs, together 10, with kids. marriage has been guilty of not meeting EN since kids arrived ... thankfully not too much LB ... just lots of silence. While I'm certainly not perfect, the EN issues have not been for my lack of trying ... but eventually as my EN were unfilfilled I have become less interested in committing to her EN.

discovered an old flame several months back and wound up in EA. DS discovered and acknowledged understanding why and wanting to work on M but I had to NC

I wanted to try but in my heart didn't believe she could change to meet my EN again ... NC didn't last long and eventually became full A tho only physical once ... EA continued for several months until OW was discovered and then she initiated NC ... lasted a short time and then back again ... until about 10 days ago she initiated NC again wanting to counsel and see if they could fix their M

so far NC for 10 days but I'm finding it so tempting and hard to resist (here's where the advice/encouragement could be used!) ... for other's that have been in this spot how did you do it ... how long until the urge subsides??

oh ... a bit more background ...
having read a lot of the material here I do understand why I'm where I am ... do believe we can rescue it with some work ... I know I'm not in love with OW but most definitely in love with how she made me feel ... met EA and I met hers ... letting go of that should be easier than this is ... I know the right thing is to let this end and work with DS to meet each other's EN but don't feel like I can really do that until I'm thru withdrawl

tx if you've made it this far ...

Think logically and avoid acting on your emotions. The same thing that draws you to OW is the same urge that got Britney's kids taken away from her. You KNOW that. You are just going to suck it up for a while. Keep yourself busy, so you don't have much time to think and dwell on OW. Concentrate on spending time with your BW. It will eventually get better.

Hi Lost,

Welcome to MB!

You've found a great place to learn about the dynamics of an A.

I don't have any experience with trying to maintain NC, but I do understand some of the "pull" that you must feel.

First, you must recognize that the "feelings" that you get from the OW are just that. Feelings. You are addicted to the "feelings" that the OW gave you but those feelings are NOT real. They are a lie and will always leave you empty and wanting more.

Have you showed your W the MB site? If not, I would strongly suggest that you have her come here and learn with you... If you BOTH are committed to rebuilding your M, then you need a plan. MB has a proven plan that works.

Rebuilding your M isn't easy. It isn't quick. And it definitely isn't pain-free. Most couples that have rebuilt their M will tell you that it was one of THE most painful things that they've ever done.

Keep reading and let us know if you have any specific questions and we'll do our best to share our experiences with you.

Semper Fi,

RIF